Can You Explain If This Is A Date Or A Meet Up? – S2E11

Can you explain if this is a date or a meet up?  Ryan is up to his elbows in the dating element today.  After wrapping production of Annoying Women: The 15 Things Men Say To Do So (S2E10), Ryan tells Andrey and I that some people do not consider dates as dates anymore; they are now referred to as meet ups instead.  You can only imagine the confusion on Andrey and I’s faces.  So in today’s episode, we get more in-depth information from Ryan on what this all means.

Can You Explain If This Is A Date Or A Meet Up? Outline

  • Refer to John’s article The Don’t Suck at Life: Is It A Date Or A Meet Up? (1.05)
  • What’s the difference between dating versus meet up for the first time?
  • Is this a generational cohort difference (old school mentality vs. millennial mentality)?
  • Why do the lines get “blurred” when meeting on a Dating App and giving them your intention?
  • If someone is inexperienced in dating, which gender usually takes the blame (men or women)?
  • Should a first date really count as a date in 2018?
  • Conflicting perspective/expectations between parties before the first date?
  • How about post-first date (refer back to Aziz Ansari’s accusations of “Rape” and how that turned out)?
  • Is there a difference between men and women and how they approach this?
  • It’s 2018, does a guy always have to initiate and make it crystal clear it’s a first date?
  • What about people with a shy personality (or even some women) who ask someone to “hang out” but don’t make it obvious when it’s a date?
  • If you like this episode, you should listen to

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1.05 The Don’t Suck at Life: Is It A Date Or A Meet Up?

Is a Date a Date?  Apparently, not today.  So after production of The Challenging Dating Landscape of Today (S2.Episode 9), Ryan said that people refer to a date as a meet up now.  WTF, right?  I found this to be such an odd thing; the red flag has been raised.  So this is my take on the whole thing.  But be on the lookout for First Dates or First Meet Ups, What Is It Really In 2018? (pending S2.Episode 11) that Ryan will be hosting.

  • This is a confirmed date – (1) When you ask him/her out, (2) When you both confirm a date, time, and place to meet, and (3) When you actually have this date (both parties present).
  • This is NOT a confirmed date – It is never a date until you ask, confirm, and actually go on this date (see This is confirmed date).

Meeting via a dating app – This is a no brainer.  If you guys met through a dating app then it is always a date.  Let me explain.  YOU MET THROUGH A DATING APP.  No one goes on dating apps to make friends or hobby buddies.  However, it is possible that after the date(s) you discover you mutually prefer to be a friends rather than romantic interests.  So I don’t think I need to explain any further because this is fairly obvious.  By the way, how much time you spent with them does not matter.  It can be 2 minutes to 6 hours, it is a date no matter what in this context; never a meet up.

Meeting via mutual friends – Many of you have met your significant others in this manner; me included..  It can be a bit ambiguous here depending on your action or lack of action; so I can see where there can be confusion between “meet up” and “date.”  Here is what you need to do to make it less ambiguous:

  • Ask him/her out – Once you do that, it is quite obvious what your intentions are.  Let me coach you.  Say “You and I should go out on a romantic date.  Say YES.”  If they say yes, than you know they have possible romantic interest in you and want to see where it goes.  If they say no, then they were probably wack anyways.  Just kidding, but maybe I wasn’t.
  • DO NOT USE “Hangout” or “meet up” when you ask – If you use those terms to ask them out, the other person will be confused whether it is date or not–maybe wonder if you are serious.  If you are trying to seek a potential relationship, that is definitely not what you want.  You have to be crystal clear that you want romantic intentions; not friendship.

Red Flag – So in the beginning, I mentioned that people that use “meet up” is kind of a red flag for me, especially when it is done intentionally.  It sounds like they commitment issues or they are just playing the field.  They use those terms in case they get turned down so it wouldn’t bruise their ego.  Plus, if they were “seeing” multiple people, he/she would not have to admit to “dating” other people if they were asked–for fear of being canceled on (aka more bruised egos).  It just feels underhanded and dishonest in my mind.  I feel this way because I’ve heard of plethora of dating horror stories with shady characters.  For me, it wouldn’t be a deal breaker, but I would be very cautious.  I am also bit sad that something like this needs to be covered as an issue; a date vs meet up.

Summary:

  • If you met on a dating app, it’s always a date.
  • To avoid any ambiguity, be clear of your romantic intentions and ask them out.
  • Use “date” when you ask; not “hangout” or “meet up.”
  • You are only hurting your potential and credibility when you use those terms.
  • If you want someone, take action and risk.  Nothing is achieved by doing nothing.

Suggested podcast listening:
Friend (Ship) Defined vs. Friend (Zone) Entered (S1E4)
Ambiguity In A Relationship, Do You Navigate The Fog Or Abandon All Hope? (S2E3)

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You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

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Audio version is below.