Scared To Date, Cheating On Husband, Date Like A Man – S3E69

Scared To Date, Cheating On Husband, Date Like A Man

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Podcast episode 69 is titled Scared To Date, Cheating On Husband, Date Like A Man. TheRelationshiPodcast gives advice to people that write in. The big disclaimer is that they did not write in to us. Yes, we will be giving our 2-cents on all your love problems whether you like it or not. Doctor Ryan, Drey, and John are in the building.

Scared To Date, Cheating On Husband, Date Like A Man Outline

  • J Topic: I’m Around A Lot Of Women
    • Summary: Not sure about dating and everything else.
    • Question: Should I eliminate dating completely?
    • Submitted by: Derby Girl
  • A Topic: I Want To Cheat On My Husband
    • Summary: I am married, but I want to be with my ex.
    • Question: Should I work it out or do what I want?
    • Submitted by: What I Want
  • R Topic: They Say I Date Like A Guy
    • Summary: People have told me that I date like a man.
    • Question: What is this notion that a woman would “think like a man”?
    • Submitted by: Seeking Emotionally Stable Lumberjack
  • Resource Reads:

S3.E69 will be the last episode by the TRP. Thank you for taking the time to support us and listen to our episodes. I hope you were able to get something valuable from our content; the very most a good laugh. Drey, John, and Ryan wish you the best in life and your relationships. Thank you again for your support.

If you want to be a guest on TheRelationshiPodcast please send us an e-mail.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

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This is the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”

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Relationships: Dating People With Disabilities And The Challenges – S2E38

The Challenges Of Dating With A Disability

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Listener Joe reached out to TheRelationshiPodcast and suggested we discuss the challenges of dating someone with a disability. By Joe’s own admission, he has a disability, and stated the difficulties he has in his current relationship. Specifically, Joe expressed the challenges he faces with his on and off, long-term, and long distance relationship. Those 3 terms put together is a relationship tsunami. After Ryan’s consultation with Joe, Ryan wondered how people with disabilities cope with relationship problems.

Relationships: Dating People With Disabilities And The Challenges Outline

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You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

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This the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”

Final Chapter of TRP Single Life: Execution, Timing, and Luck; Same Woman, Three Dates (Dates #11-13):

“You have everything I want in a person but… I’m just not feeling it and I don’t know what’s wrong with me…”

Final Chapter Author’s Note: These series of dates happened a while back (before I got into a relationship) so this is sort of a recap of what happened prior and what’s to come with this column. Anyway hope you enjoy it!

Execution, Timing, and Luck are necessary to lead you into the next door of opportunity.

**

Everything in life is a combination of three things: Timing, Execution, and Luck

The execution piece is obvious, it’s probably the only thing you have complete control over. Whereas Timing and Luck are the two other elements you will never be able to control. You’re also probably wondering why I’m not lumping timing with luck because although they’re obviously intertwined, it’s quite different when it comes to being variables within the success of any relationship.

***

Date #11: Timing

***

Like all things in life, you have to be at the right place at the right time. However in terms of dating apps, sometimes a glass of scotch and perusing dating app profiles is a better way to get the weekend festivities started after a long work week. I was at profile number 50 and I was ready to call it quits. Finally she appeared, her name read Mizunara, “Worked in the City, active, and had a nice smile to boot.” *Clicks Accept*

Sipping on scotch while watching Netflix, ten minutes have elapsed and then the pop up notification came “Mizunara has accepted the match, please begin to chat.” As usual, one message became two, four, and you already know the drill….So we meet at this bar on a hill (the rhyme wasn’t intentional). Simple digs and there was a party there before us, she then explicitly stated, “If this doesn’t work out at least we have good drinks.” Our conversations weaved in out, between the yesteryears of college midterms to  future aspirations. As we paid the check, I asked her did she wanted to proceed. She nodded, waited for the check, took my arm and off we went for dinner.

On the way we stopped at a cross walk and made out. It was clear, the night wasn’t over yet. We had food, enjoyed conversation and I’ll leave the rest of the imagination to you all… After our fun, we made plans to see each other in a week and a half.

***

Date #12: Execution

***

We rendezvous’d at a mid-point within the city. Gave each other an embrace and a single kiss as anyone dating would, especially when they rekindle their passion for one another for that fleeting moment. Having been a very simple date, we decided to keep going with the theme and went to a beer and wine specialty bar. As usual, time elapsed and we continued enjoying each other’s time and conversation. However as my previous experience (and slight jadedness has taught me), sometimes if things are too good to be true…Then it is. I’m already 2/2 and as we kept talking, I was looking for the x variable, the thing that’ll throw a wrench in this whole experience. I know I shouldn’t be thinking like that but I knew at some point it will come up. She then mentioned, the x variable, “I hadn’t been in a relationship in a long while and I don’t know if I’ll ever settle…”

You see, she had everything else covered. Stable career, active, reasonably attractive, and etc. However when people start sharing they don’t know if they will ever settle. There’s this restlessness that settles in (at least it did for me), it’s very intuitive and a huge red flag for me. Psychic abilities aside, I don’t know if I’m willing to risk that, however there results were laid out to bare our final date…

***

Date #13: Luck

***

A week has gone by since the last date, and the dreaded text finally came on a busy Thursday morning at work

***

Her: Hey

Me: What’s up?

Her: Can we meet up and talk later tonight?

Me: Sure…

***

When we met up with one another, the hug (was half assed, butt sticking out using one arm) and the body language became distant. I knew right at that moment, regardless of what plans we “initially discussed” via text wasn’t going to come to fruition. She told me up front,  she wasn’t feeling “the chemistry.” My luck had ran out and this person wasn’t the one for me. At the time I felt completely rejected like any other human being, but if it wasn’t already noticeable I had learn to adapt (and dispose) whatever connection I had with this person like a useless folder of pictures of your exes. Dragging them into the Recycle Bin on a PC, with intent of permanent deletion and memory lapse.

You see, in the human language of the words “Dating chemistry,” its a culmination of emotional, physical, sexual, and spiritual attraction all wrapped up into one. If your partner (man or woman) cannot see themselves, at some point doing anything of those things (for a long period of time) it’s a wrap for that possibility. At times it feels like a “cop out response” easy to serve without remorse. More often than not, it’s the woman who will determine the chemistry barometer. As a guy (or the pursuer if you’re LGBT), your sole task is to uncover the catalyst of that chemistry and decide for yourself if it’s worth maintaining in the long-run.

Throughout this series, after reflection I realized there was a lot of confirmation on my end both in long-term core values and daily relationship nuances. For the first time in a long-term, before getting into my current relationship. I have some lessons, I would like to share from this experience. Hopefully you can learn from example (instead of experiencing them like I did), in order to find more fulfilling relationships.

  1. Appreciate Someone’s Identity: Don’t think of them as another “name” in your cell phone.
  2. Good on paper, doesn’t mean good for compatibility: We all have “ideal mates” but realize they’re not perfect but always a work in progress.
  3. Shoot for the moon but have a parachute in handy: You can climb the highest mountains but if they’re not willing to summit with you, re-evaluate.
  4. Everyone is searching for love: It can get complicated but the more honest you are with your search the easier it is to find someone more compatible.
  5. A kiss isn’t always meaningful: Some people hand them out like business cards but your individual actions beyond the kiss mean much more in the long-run.
  6. Substance Influence Dating isn’t recommended: You can argue for it’s shortcomings (or miraculous opportunities) but in the long-term it doesn’t really pan out for most.
  7. Never double-book yourself: It’s not sustainable and you won’t value the people you spend your time with (personal and platonic).
  8. Don’t over communicate before your first date: Whether it’s sending 200 messages on a dating app or talking 2 hours a day for two weeks. It’s setting the wrong expectations.
  9. Always work towards the middle ground: People will take advantage (or remain oblivious) of how unfair it feels at any moment when things are imbalanced. You and your potential partner need to always vocalize, reflect, and respect each other’s differences. The sum of your experiences are entirely different from their own. Learn how to leverage and intertwine this knowledge for a better foundation.
  10. Realize all the wrong relationships were meant for “The Right One”: We can debate till the end of time people’s definitions of soulmates: Astrological, Atheistic, Christian, and etc. At the end of the day, when you (and hopefully your partner) realize how much the other brings to the table. You’ll soon see that is the reason why they remain (and continue to flourish) in your life.

… I am grateful to be developing a wonderful relationship with a very sweet (and independent) lady. However this is just the beginning and now I begin to shuffle things around in preparation for things to come.

Thanks for reading this series and hope you continue to in the next chapter of my relationship life!

 

 

QFA: The Quest For Answers Featuring Dr. Events [P1]- S2E26

QFA - Quest For Answers ft. Dr. Events S2.Episode 26 P1

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TheRelationshiPodcast is on a Quest For Answers, we knew we were missing the female perspective on our podcast. This is something that our friend’s and fan base has voiced as well. It is fortunate we have Dr. Events, Elaine, to be our female panelist to represent her whole gender. I believe Elaine could provide great insight into this because (1) female perspective, (2) 20-something demographic, and (3) the industry that she works in. Elaine is an entrepreneur and wedding event planner so she must have a wealth of knowledge from working with partners as they work to their big day. Today, Dr. Events and the TRP will take the journey for our Quest For Answers.

QFA: Quest For Answers Featuring Dr. Events Outline

If you want to be a guest on TheRelationshiPodcast please send us an e-mail.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

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This the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”

Have You Played Cupid Or Been Played By Cupid? – S2E18

This episode is sponsored by:

Before smartphones and dating apps, people had to actually physically meet up to start dating. Ok sure, there are a few outliers that were able to start legitimate relationships in the AOL chatrooms, but I think it would be safe to say that’s a relatively small number. And even then, I know for a fact that many of those relationships were blind. Blind, as in, they didn’t know what the other person looked like until they met up with them for the first time. It took like 3 minutes to download a single 3mp photo and you still couldn’t figure out what the other person looked like. But yea, we didn’t have Match, there wasn’t Eharmony, and Tinder definitely didn’t exist. So that begs the question, if you couldn’t get out to meet people, what did you do? Well one of the things that I would do is ask for a hook up. OR, you’d have that awkward conversation that starts with them asking, “hey, you’re not seeing anyone right now, right?”

Have You Played Cupid Or Been Played By Cupid? Outline

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You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

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This the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”

What Is Your Thought On Relationship Second Chances? – S2E17

Have you ever given a relationship a second chance? Some of us have never given anybody a second chance [Ryan].  Ryan felt the need to explore this topic as he has gotten older and encountered people who have given their old flames a “second chance” to rekindle the passion. People always say “once a cheater/deadbeat/loser/whore always a cheater/deadbeat/loser/whore.” Is that really the case or is it possible that people can turn over a new leaf?

What Is Your Thought On Relationship Second Chances? Outline

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You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

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This the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”

Is an Office Relationship a Good Idea? – S2E16

Office relationships? I started watching the 2017 version of Dynasty on Netflix; I am not embarrassed to admit it. The show starts off with Blake Carrington, CEO of Carrington Atlantic, marrying his colleague, Cristal Flores. Granted this is a television show and it may not be aligned with real life, but I think a lot of people are in this situation; have dual roles with work relationships and personal relationships. As I watched the show I realize the love and work relationships can be very complicated. Today, TRP explores office relationships.

Is an Office Relationship a Good Idea? Outline

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You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

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This the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”

The Engaged Life #7: Why I’m Not Having a Bachelor Party

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As per usual, let’s get all the caveats out of the way first. I’m not knocking anyone for having a bachelor/ette party. It’s incredibly commonplace in America, so insinuating that I’m against almost everyone is laughably inaccurate. I believe that celebrations such as these are the choices of the celebrant, and no one else’s. If you accept that premise, then I feel like I’m well within my jurisdiction to abstain.

To understand my stance on this, I suppose I need to give a bit of background on myself. I’m the type of person that doesn’t like unneeded attention. If I’m promoting a gig or a project that I worked on (i.e. the TRP podcast), then of course I’d like the attention to help either myself or my team succeed. Outside of that, I don’t really need or want a lot of attention. This has been my philosophy for a while which is part of the reason why I don’t even celebrate my own birthday. Sure, some friends have pointed out that my life experiences have also contributed to this “tradition,” but I distinctly remember making a conscious decision in my adult life not to celebrate my birthday anymore. I can make a whole post on my reasoning for that, as well as the social experiment I conducted after I made that decision, but that isn’t the point of this post. I just wanted to lay the groundwork for the topic at hand.

So here are a few reasons why I am choosing to not have a bachelor party:

1. I don’t want the attention

Following through with what I just said, I simply don’t want the attention. I don’t like being the celebrant, especially in America. There’s this odd stigmatization in America specifically. Whenever there’s a celebration, it’s usually the case that you want to support the celebrant and do whatever he/she wants to do. However, the instant the celebrant refuses to want to celebrate, they get admonished.

“C’mon, why don’t you want to do anything? You’re weird. It’s your last hurrah. Don’t be such a lame ass.”

I get that there’s a benevolent agenda behind these words. Trust me, I do. But, there are a few things I find wrong with it, and the main one is that it’s almost like people forget who they’re supposed to be supporting. It’s one thing when someone isn’t sure and needs a bit of encouragement. It’s a totally different situation when they’re sure and that’s their position. If I want encouragement, then I’m not one to turn it away. However, if I’ve made a decision, I prefer support rather than having to fight tooth and nail to defend it, especially when it doesn’t really affect anyone else (see the next point).

2. I know the party isn’t completely for the bachelor, but I don’t really care

Okay, so let’s get real here. Nowadays, I know the bachelor party is less for the bachelor and more for the guests coming along with him. It’s an excuse to get the guys together and spend time. It’s an excuse for married men to relive some of the bliss from before they were married. It’s supposed to be male bonding at its finest. I get that. I’m just not sure if I care. It’s not that I don’t care about my groomsmen or my friends and don’t want to spend time with them, I just don’t buy into this as the reasoning for a bachelor party. I don’t like being guilt tripped into doing something I’m not comfortable with if it doesn’t serve a noble purpose.

I consider my groomsmen my brothers. They were here for me long before, and they’ll be here long after. We’ve been through hell and back together. I’d much rather take them out after the wedding and treat them to a guy’s trip. I’d rather show them my appreciation than have them take me on a trip which I find no personal meaning. Or maybe we can just go out and celebrate what we’ve been through together. It accomplishes the same goals as the bachelor party without any of the subtext which I don’t agree with. This is where I would prefer to take responsibility for being the outlier. Just because I don’t like being the celebrant, it doesn’t mean that there shouldn’t be a celebration or any appreciation shown at all.

If your response is “well it’s harder to do that after you’re married,” then that perplexes me. Here’s what I can’t wrap my head around. Why would it be more acceptable for married men to go to a bachelor party than to go on a trip like the ones I’m proposing? Is it just because a pending marriage is involved? Even though the term “bachelor party” itself connotes and sometimes almost guarantees debauchery, it’s somehow more acceptable?

On a side note, I’m not one that believes that flings on the bachelor/ette party don’t count. Your actions are your responsibility, it shouldn’t matter the context. If you feel like you need to have a fling before you get married or even during it, then maybe you aren’t/weren’t ready. There, I said it.

3. It may be tradition for some people, but it isn’t one of mine

Although I’m proud to be an American, I’m still a child of immigrants. Even though Indonesia is starting to adopt bachelor parties, they’re well aware that it was adopted from American culture specifically. My dad didn’t have a bachelor party. Neither of my grandfathers had bachelor parties. I don’t have any historic or cultural reason to have one. It’s such a foreign concept to anyone who wasn’t raised with it. I personally didn’t even come across the concept of a bachelor party until I was in college. When your family doesn’t believe in them and no one around you is talking about marriage yet, then it never comes up.

It’s kind of like the whole gender reveal party thing that’s been gaining popularity recently. I personally don’t understand gender reveals as a new tradition that people are starting. I completely get baby showers. Your child’s actual birth is still a private family matter so you can celebrate with friends beforehand (read: cash in on some helpful presents). I’m still not sure how gender reveals fit into the whole scheme of things. In my opinion, bachelor parties are to marriage as gender reveals are to baby showers.

4. I don’t need a last hurrah

This is usually the tertiary reason that people give for a bachelor party which is why I put it last too. I’ve lived my live exactly the way I wanted. I’ve prepped myself for being married this whole time. There isn’t any angst in my life anymore. That was the whole point of my early adult life. If you spent your time wisely and gained as much experience (good and bad) as you possibly could, then you don’t feel like you’re missing out on anything when you’re 30+. Are there more things that I would like to experience in this life? Absolutely, but it doesn’t mean that I need to be single or unmarried to do them. Will childrearing later on severely limit my mobility when it comes to pursuing some adventures, travel aspirations, or career changes? Of course, but that comes with it’s own set of rewards that I feel will balance out at the end. It’s all about perspective and making sure that yours conforms to the reality that you have to deal with.

Conclusion

To be honest, I wrote this in response to a lot of people that have been asking me about it. This way I can just link them to this, without having to explain myself over and over. Nonetheless, this is how I honestly feel about the matter. I don’t foresee anything drastically changing my mind, and I feel like that bachelor parties are such a vestigial part of wedding tradition that people aren’t going to really take the time to draw up a full counterpoint to what I’ve said. The underlying point is: if it’s something I can’t logically defend, then it’s something that I shouldn’t logically do.

Change my mind. If you have any thoughts on why I’m wrong or any other comments on this topic, be sure to leave a comment below. As always, you can reach me at therelationshipodcast@gmail.com.

-Drey

Why Are We Taking So Long To Get Married In This Generation? – S2E13

In previous episodes, we have spent a fair share of time talking about dating.  We have discussed what the dating landscape is now compared to our youth.  So I think it’s a natural transition to talk about; marriage.  Specifically, why is this generation taking so long to get married or delaying marriage?

Why Are We Taking So Long To Get Married In This Generation? Outline

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This the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”

Facebook Dating Entering the Online Dating Market – S2E12

Facebook Dating? It was just announced this past week that Facebook is going to be entering the online dating market. It’s such big news that Match Group shares fell almost 20%. For those unaware, Match Group is the parent company of Match, Tinder, Plenty of Fish, and okCupid, amongst other services. The TRP team along with special guest Kundai from NYC discuss if we would use Facebook Dating, the pros and cons, and if Facebook can successful in this space.

Facebook Dating Entering the Online Dating Market Outline

  • Would you use Facebook Dating if you had the opportunity? Why?
  • What is some of the added value of going with a Facebook Dating service?
  • Do you see any potential downsides to having Facebook handle your dating life?  I.e. privacy, security, knowing friends of friends, fear of stalkers
  • Is there anything that you’d like to see Facebook implement when they start fleshing out this service?
  • Some people are speculating that Facebook Dating will disrupt the market, but the competition will bounce back. This is mainly because Facebook’s user base skews older than the users of other services. Reference: Can Facebook Smother Tinder’s Flame?
  • Do you feel this speculation is true, or should we expect Facebook Dating to surpass the competition?
  • If you like this episode, you should listen to

If you want to be a guest on TheRelationshiPodcast please send us an e-mail.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

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This the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”