Final Chapter of TRP Single Life: Execution, Timing, and Luck; Same Woman, Three Dates (Dates #11-13):

“You have everything I want in a person but… I’m just not feeling it and I don’t know what’s wrong with me…”

Final Chapter Author’s Note: These series of dates happened a while back (before I got into a relationship) so this is sort of a recap of what happened prior and what’s to come with this column. Anyway hope you enjoy it!

Execution, Timing, and Luck are necessary to lead you into the next door of opportunity.

**

Everything in life is a combination of three things: Timing, Execution, and Luck

The execution piece is obvious, it’s probably the only thing you have complete control over. Whereas Timing and Luck are the two other elements you will never be able to control. You’re also probably wondering why I’m not lumping timing with luck because although they’re obviously intertwined, it’s quite different when it comes to being variables within the success of any relationship.

***

Date #11: Timing

***

Like all things in life, you have to be at the right place at the right time. However in terms of dating apps, sometimes a glass of scotch and perusing dating app profiles is a better way to get the weekend festivities started after a long work week. I was at profile number 50 and I was ready to call it quits. Finally she appeared, her name read Mizunara, “Worked in the City, active, and had a nice smile to boot.” *Clicks Accept*

Sipping on scotch while watching Netflix, ten minutes have elapsed and then the pop up notification came “Mizunara has accepted the match, please begin to chat.” As usual, one message became two, four, and you already know the drill….So we meet at this bar on a hill (the rhyme wasn’t intentional). Simple digs and there was a party there before us, she then explicitly stated, “If this doesn’t work out at least we have good drinks.” Our conversations weaved in out, between the yesteryears of college midterms to  future aspirations. As we paid the check, I asked her did she wanted to proceed. She nodded, waited for the check, took my arm and off we went for dinner.

On the way we stopped at a cross walk and made out. It was clear, the night wasn’t over yet. We had food, enjoyed conversation and I’ll leave the rest of the imagination to you all… After our fun, we made plans to see each other in a week and a half.

***

Date #12: Execution

***

We rendezvous’d at a mid-point within the city. Gave each other an embrace and a single kiss as anyone dating would, especially when they rekindle their passion for one another for that fleeting moment. Having been a very simple date, we decided to keep going with the theme and went to a beer and wine specialty bar. As usual, time elapsed and we continued enjoying each other’s time and conversation. However as my previous experience (and slight jadedness has taught me), sometimes if things are too good to be true…Then it is. I’m already 2/2 and as we kept talking, I was looking for the x variable, the thing that’ll throw a wrench in this whole experience. I know I shouldn’t be thinking like that but I knew at some point it will come up. She then mentioned, the x variable, “I hadn’t been in a relationship in a long while and I don’t know if I’ll ever settle…”

You see, she had everything else covered. Stable career, active, reasonably attractive, and etc. However when people start sharing they don’t know if they will ever settle. There’s this restlessness that settles in (at least it did for me), it’s very intuitive and a huge red flag for me. Psychic abilities aside, I don’t know if I’m willing to risk that, however there results were laid out to bare our final date…

***

Date #13: Luck

***

A week has gone by since the last date, and the dreaded text finally came on a busy Thursday morning at work

***

Her: Hey

Me: What’s up?

Her: Can we meet up and talk later tonight?

Me: Sure…

***

When we met up with one another, the hug (was half assed, butt sticking out using one arm) and the body language became distant. I knew right at that moment, regardless of what plans we “initially discussed” via text wasn’t going to come to fruition. She told me up front,  she wasn’t feeling “the chemistry.” My luck had ran out and this person wasn’t the one for me. At the time I felt completely rejected like any other human being, but if it wasn’t already noticeable I had learn to adapt (and dispose) whatever connection I had with this person like a useless folder of pictures of your exes. Dragging them into the Recycle Bin on a PC, with intent of permanent deletion and memory lapse.

You see, in the human language of the words “Dating chemistry,” its a culmination of emotional, physical, sexual, and spiritual attraction all wrapped up into one. If your partner (man or woman) cannot see themselves, at some point doing anything of those things (for a long period of time) it’s a wrap for that possibility. At times it feels like a “cop out response” easy to serve without remorse. More often than not, it’s the woman who will determine the chemistry barometer. As a guy (or the pursuer if you’re LGBT), your sole task is to uncover the catalyst of that chemistry and decide for yourself if it’s worth maintaining in the long-run.

Throughout this series, after reflection I realized there was a lot of confirmation on my end both in long-term core values and daily relationship nuances. For the first time in a long-term, before getting into my current relationship. I have some lessons, I would like to share from this experience. Hopefully you can learn from example (instead of experiencing them like I did), in order to find more fulfilling relationships.

  1. Appreciate Someone’s Identity: Don’t think of them as another “name” in your cell phone.
  2. Good on paper, doesn’t mean good for compatibility: We all have “ideal mates” but realize they’re not perfect but always a work in progress.
  3. Shoot for the moon but have a parachute in handy: You can climb the highest mountains but if they’re not willing to summit with you, re-evaluate.
  4. Everyone is searching for love: It can get complicated but the more honest you are with your search the easier it is to find someone more compatible.
  5. A kiss isn’t always meaningful: Some people hand them out like business cards but your individual actions beyond the kiss mean much more in the long-run.
  6. Substance Influence Dating isn’t recommended: You can argue for it’s shortcomings (or miraculous opportunities) but in the long-term it doesn’t really pan out for most.
  7. Never double-book yourself: It’s not sustainable and you won’t value the people you spend your time with (personal and platonic).
  8. Don’t over communicate before your first date: Whether it’s sending 200 messages on a dating app or talking 2 hours a day for two weeks. It’s setting the wrong expectations.
  9. Always work towards the middle ground: People will take advantage (or remain oblivious) of how unfair it feels at any moment when things are imbalanced. You and your potential partner need to always vocalize, reflect, and respect each other’s differences. The sum of your experiences are entirely different from their own. Learn how to leverage and intertwine this knowledge for a better foundation.
  10. Realize all the wrong relationships were meant for “The Right One”: We can debate till the end of time people’s definitions of soulmates: Astrological, Atheistic, Christian, and etc. At the end of the day, when you (and hopefully your partner) realize how much the other brings to the table. You’ll soon see that is the reason why they remain (and continue to flourish) in your life.

… I am grateful to be developing a wonderful relationship with a very sweet (and independent) lady. However this is just the beginning and now I begin to shuffle things around in preparation for things to come.

Thanks for reading this series and hope you continue to in the next chapter of my relationship life!

 

 

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The Engaged Life #8: The Disney Syndrome

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TLDR warning: this is a lot more dense than my usual posts.

Disney. The media superhouse known as Disney. It’s crazy to think something that started as a simple animation studio has become the behemoth it is today. It’s still crazy to think that since they own both Marvel and Lucasfilms, they basically have a monopoly on millenial nostalgia.

But that isn’t the point of this post. I want to talk about Disney itself and about the perception of reality.

Older generations often criticize the millenial generation as being too idealistic, as being too grandiose in their goals, or as being almost delusional in seeking purpose. I’m in my 30s and although I suppose I fit into the age group of millenials depending on who you ask, I have to agree with this assessment. Many of my peers struggle with their perceptions of reality. There seems to be this disparity that exists between intellectual progressivism and reality as it comes.

I call those afflicted with this skewed, fatalistic ideal as those having the Disney syndrome, mainly because when I noticed this I was living in Anaheim, the home of the original Disneyland. Thus, I’ve seen this affliction on a much more ubiquitous scale than perhaps the most astute observer anywhere else in the country. Disneyland itself is a monument to this ideal, as evidenced by the thousands who go there, seeking a partial escape from reality. It’s not unlike alcoholism, except that it is much more permissible. Are there people who go to Disneyland solely for fun? Of course. This is not a slight against them. But there is no denying that this need/want to be in Disneyland is indicative of a deeper psychological issue within my peers of this generation.

I’m definitely not the only one that thinks this way. Author, Kurt Anderson, was featured on Big Think essentially putting his twist on it. He clearly has trouble condensing his thoughts on the matter, but that’s a testament to how much there is to say:

So first let’s break down a few of the main symptoms of Disney syndrome.

  1. Inability to comprehend the unfair nature of reality.

  2. Thinking that all ideas are created equal.

  3. Feeling entitled to certain rights and privileges.

  4. Sadness in the face of adversity.

There are more, but I feel like this rounds up the most characteristic qualities of the syndrome.

My theory is that having been bombarded with fairy tales on a massive scale from basically time of birth has led to a generation of people that come to expect that said fairy tales will one day come true for them. On a side note, I believe this is why American wedding culture is out of control. People are spending upwards of $20-50k on a single day of celebration to essentially make a blissful envisionment of their fantasy come true. Pair that with the 40-50% divorce rate (with a good portion of that being 2nd and 3rd marriages) and I think you can quickly surmise that there’s something cyclical about how this ends up playing out in reality. They want a fairy tale, they get it for a day, then they can’t possibly maintain this level of idealism, and subsequently give up and try again.

The same can be said about the millenial workforce.They were shown and told from an early age that as long as you work hard to be kind to others, you can accomplish anything and be anything you want. Then, they get into the workforce in a less than optimal position, and they quickly become dissatisfied. Unbeknownst to them, a majority of the people that came before had to just deal with the grind for a long time before they started actualizing any semblance of their dreams, if they even got that far.

Why do I think that this type of thinking is dangerous? It’s for many reasons.

Since the podcast focuses primarily on relationships, let’s start there. People that have this extraordinary sense of idealism when it comes to relationships will most likely have a much harder time finding happiness. You hear about it all the time, the hopeless romantics. While it seems sweet and everyone dreams of meeting someone like that, you have to realize that that kind of attitude has to be incredibly taxing on a person. It’s great for the recipient, but not great for the gifter. There are a few people that can pull it off. Kudos to them. For the rest of the people with less than perfect mental acuity, it can actually lead to depression.

Mental health is also a hot button issue in today’s world. Lately, we’ve heard a lot about celebrity suicides and troubled youths. I can’t even begin to try and figure out motive, but I feel like everyone would be remiss if they did not think that part of the reason for these actions had something to do with reality vs expectation.

So what’s the moral of the story? Reality is always there, waiting for you to become its friend. The sooner you become friends with reality, the sooner you can have a healthy appreciate of life and what it has to offer. Idealism isn’t bad. It’s when you conflate idealism with expectation that things will go awry. Furthermore, screw fairy tales. Screw antiquated ideals made up by people you may not even personally know. Live your life as your own and create your own tale, for better or for worse. Any story that you write with this attitude will be better than anything that Disney can come up with.

If you have any thoughts on this yourself, be sure to leave a comment below!

As always, you can reach me at therelationshipodcast@gmail.com.

-Drey

The Engaged Life #7: Why I’m Not Having a Bachelor Party

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As per usual, let’s get all the caveats out of the way first. I’m not knocking anyone for having a bachelor/ette party. It’s incredibly commonplace in America, so insinuating that I’m against almost everyone is laughably inaccurate. I believe that celebrations such as these are the choices of the celebrant, and no one else’s. If you accept that premise, then I feel like I’m well within my jurisdiction to abstain.

To understand my stance on this, I suppose I need to give a bit of background on myself. I’m the type of person that doesn’t like unneeded attention. If I’m promoting a gig or a project that I worked on (i.e. the TRP podcast), then of course I’d like the attention to help either myself or my team succeed. Outside of that, I don’t really need or want a lot of attention. This has been my philosophy for a while which is part of the reason why I don’t even celebrate my own birthday. Sure, some friends have pointed out that my life experiences have also contributed to this “tradition,” but I distinctly remember making a conscious decision in my adult life not to celebrate my birthday anymore. I can make a whole post on my reasoning for that, as well as the social experiment I conducted after I made that decision, but that isn’t the point of this post. I just wanted to lay the groundwork for the topic at hand.

So here are a few reasons why I am choosing to not have a bachelor party:

1. I don’t want the attention

Following through with what I just said, I simply don’t want the attention. I don’t like being the celebrant, especially in America. There’s this odd stigmatization in America specifically. Whenever there’s a celebration, it’s usually the case that you want to support the celebrant and do whatever he/she wants to do. However, the instant the celebrant refuses to want to celebrate, they get admonished.

“C’mon, why don’t you want to do anything? You’re weird. It’s your last hurrah. Don’t be such a lame ass.”

I get that there’s a benevolent agenda behind these words. Trust me, I do. But, there are a few things I find wrong with it, and the main one is that it’s almost like people forget who they’re supposed to be supporting. It’s one thing when someone isn’t sure and needs a bit of encouragement. It’s a totally different situation when they’re sure and that’s their position. If I want encouragement, then I’m not one to turn it away. However, if I’ve made a decision, I prefer support rather than having to fight tooth and nail to defend it, especially when it doesn’t really affect anyone else (see the next point).

2. I know the party isn’t completely for the bachelor, but I don’t really care

Okay, so let’s get real here. Nowadays, I know the bachelor party is less for the bachelor and more for the guests coming along with him. It’s an excuse to get the guys together and spend time. It’s an excuse for married men to relive some of the bliss from before they were married. It’s supposed to be male bonding at its finest. I get that. I’m just not sure if I care. It’s not that I don’t care about my groomsmen or my friends and don’t want to spend time with them, I just don’t buy into this as the reasoning for a bachelor party. I don’t like being guilt tripped into doing something I’m not comfortable with if it doesn’t serve a noble purpose.

I consider my groomsmen my brothers. They were here for me long before, and they’ll be here long after. We’ve been through hell and back together. I’d much rather take them out after the wedding and treat them to a guy’s trip. I’d rather show them my appreciation than have them take me on a trip which I find no personal meaning. Or maybe we can just go out and celebrate what we’ve been through together. It accomplishes the same goals as the bachelor party without any of the subtext which I don’t agree with. This is where I would prefer to take responsibility for being the outlier. Just because I don’t like being the celebrant, it doesn’t mean that there shouldn’t be a celebration or any appreciation shown at all.

If your response is “well it’s harder to do that after you’re married,” then that perplexes me. Here’s what I can’t wrap my head around. Why would it be more acceptable for married men to go to a bachelor party than to go on a trip like the ones I’m proposing? Is it just because a pending marriage is involved? Even though the term “bachelor party” itself connotes and sometimes almost guarantees debauchery, it’s somehow more acceptable?

On a side note, I’m not one that believes that flings on the bachelor/ette party don’t count. Your actions are your responsibility, it shouldn’t matter the context. If you feel like you need to have a fling before you get married or even during it, then maybe you aren’t/weren’t ready. There, I said it.

3. It may be tradition for some people, but it isn’t one of mine

Although I’m proud to be an American, I’m still a child of immigrants. Even though Indonesia is starting to adopt bachelor parties, they’re well aware that it was adopted from American culture specifically. My dad didn’t have a bachelor party. Neither of my grandfathers had bachelor parties. I don’t have any historic or cultural reason to have one. It’s such a foreign concept to anyone who wasn’t raised with it. I personally didn’t even come across the concept of a bachelor party until I was in college. When your family doesn’t believe in them and no one around you is talking about marriage yet, then it never comes up.

It’s kind of like the whole gender reveal party thing that’s been gaining popularity recently. I personally don’t understand gender reveals as a new tradition that people are starting. I completely get baby showers. Your child’s actual birth is still a private family matter so you can celebrate with friends beforehand (read: cash in on some helpful presents). I’m still not sure how gender reveals fit into the whole scheme of things. In my opinion, bachelor parties are to marriage as gender reveals are to baby showers.

4. I don’t need a last hurrah

This is usually the tertiary reason that people give for a bachelor party which is why I put it last too. I’ve lived my live exactly the way I wanted. I’ve prepped myself for being married this whole time. There isn’t any angst in my life anymore. That was the whole point of my early adult life. If you spent your time wisely and gained as much experience (good and bad) as you possibly could, then you don’t feel like you’re missing out on anything when you’re 30+. Are there more things that I would like to experience in this life? Absolutely, but it doesn’t mean that I need to be single or unmarried to do them. Will childrearing later on severely limit my mobility when it comes to pursuing some adventures, travel aspirations, or career changes? Of course, but that comes with it’s own set of rewards that I feel will balance out at the end. It’s all about perspective and making sure that yours conforms to the reality that you have to deal with.

Conclusion

To be honest, I wrote this in response to a lot of people that have been asking me about it. This way I can just link them to this, without having to explain myself over and over. Nonetheless, this is how I honestly feel about the matter. I don’t foresee anything drastically changing my mind, and I feel like that bachelor parties are such a vestigial part of wedding tradition that people aren’t going to really take the time to draw up a full counterpoint to what I’ve said. The underlying point is: if it’s something I can’t logically defend, then it’s something that I shouldn’t logically do.

Change my mind. If you have any thoughts on why I’m wrong or any other comments on this topic, be sure to leave a comment below. As always, you can reach me at therelationshipodcast@gmail.com.

-Drey

The Engaged Life #6: Should I Wear a Wedding Band?

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I’m the type of person that needs a reason for everything. The reason doesn’t always have to be pragmatic. It’s okay if the reason is rooted in tradition, culture, or religion, so long as I know what the roots are. From there, I can at least make an informed opinion on whether or not I agree. Even a cursory look into some age-old traditions that us Americans take for granted will lead you to some dubious history. If you don’t believe me, really take a look at Columbus Day and the history of Thanksgiving. You might learn some stuff you wish you didn’t learn.

Before I get into this, I’m going to say upfront that I’m not knocking anyone for wearing a wedding band. The whole reason I’m writing about this is because I’m genuinely trying to sort out if this is something I want to integrate into my life. Everything means something different to every individual and this is my journey to try and ascribe my meaning to wearing a wedding ring.

Anywho, as our big day approaches, it becomes time for me to choose to choose a wedding band. This band will be something I will have to wear for the rest of my life. Or, at least that’s was tradition dictates. Who’s tradition, though? Every source I looked up seem to concur that the earliest example of this tradition was in Ancient Egypt, ~4800 years ago. It then began to proliferate from there as Romans and Judeo-Christians traditions adopted it centuries after. If you want to read a brief history on wedding bands, you can go here.

It seemed to me that I may find some answers within religion. I was raised as a Muslim and my wife-to-be was raised Roman Catholic. That said, I started with Judaism because it is the oldest of the monotheistic religions. Surprisingly enough, neither the Kabbalah nor the Talmud require it. Any gift can be given the day of so long that it is a personal belonging of the gifter, and has a value over a certain amount. Over the years, it just became more customary for this gift to be a ring. If a Jew wants to wear a wedding ring, it has to be simple, with no jewels or engravings. For why this is and more about Jewish wedding ring tradition, check this out.

Going over to Christianity, we find that it is has been tradition for a long time, but was not really adopted until the 9th century or so. Here’s a snippet from the article I linked above:

It was not until about 860 that the Christians used the ring in marriage ceremonies; even then, it was not the simple plain band as we know it. It usually was highly decorated with engraved doves, lyres, or two linked hands. The Church discouraged such rings as ‘heathenish’ and, around the 13th century, wedding and betrothal rings were considerably simplified, and given a more spiritual look which was very aptly expressed by a Bishop when he dubbed it a “symbol of the union of hearts.”

So this leads me to believe that wedding bands are not inherent within Christian theology at all. If it’s something adopted almost a millennium after Jesus was said to have lived, I don’t think anyone can say that wedding rings are a requirement under Christianity. I’m not too surprised here since Jesus was Jewish and I would have assumed He followed the Jewish customary traditions of the time.

If we move to Islam, which is the religion that I was raised in, no males are allowed to wear any gold rings, for any reason. It is haram and not permissible under Shariah Law. You may wear silver rings, and it must be simple. Here’s the kicker though, it cannot be considered a wedding band for religious purposesThis is where it gets kind of hazy. Islam has something called bid’ah, which are “forbidden innovations.” Before people get up in arms about me double-talking in Arabic, this basically means that any religious norm or custom that is foreign or counter-intuitive to Islam are forbidden. So taking communion or believing in multiple gods would be going against being a good Muslim. Nothing too egregious here. However, the loophole is if the ring holds some sort of cultural importance. If the ring is tied to some cultural tradition that isn’t religious in nature, then it’s fine. For example, heirlooms like rings passed down traditionally on the day of the wedding would be acceptable. At that point, it holds some cultural importance and it isn’t necessarily a borrowed or foreign custom. So that kind of leaves me where I started, since if I decide to wear a wedding band, I wasn’t planning on it having any religious meaning for me anyway. I’ve mentioned on the podcast multiple times that although I was raised in Islam, I don’t practice currently. I still wanted to do my due diligence regardless.

Looking at the cultural aspect of it, I can’t think of a single family member, extended or otherwise, that wears a wedding ring. My parents never wore wedding rings. Indonesians generally don’t wear wedding rings although you see it occasionally. In light of what I’ve learned about Islamic tradition and given that Indonesia is 90%+ Muslim, it’s starting to make sense. This is why I’m stuck having to figure this out on my own, it’s not something that comes up in my family.

I can’t seem to find any reference to wedding rings having any significance outside of religious or traditional symbolism (at least in any way that would be relevant to me). Since no answers have been revealed to me on either of those ends, it seems to me that this dilemma comes down to my personal conviction.

After much thought and discussion with others, I’ve come up with a few reasons that I can’t buy into, and only a couple that I can. Here are a few:

Reasons I CAN’T buy into:

It’s tradition/religious. Meh, not quite sure that’s exactly the case as I’ve elaborated above. Furthermore, I don’t think people really want to use historical reasons for their wedding bands anymore. You don’t have to search far before you find references to “ownership” of the wife and the other incredibly chauvinistic and antiquated meanings that the ring historically entails. I purposefully did not go into depth on this aspect of it because of this reason. Plus, it doesn’t hold any traditional value in my personal family, so I can’t find it within myself to do it just because it’s a commonplace tradition.

It will help to let people know that you’re married. I have no issues telling people that I’m married. If another woman wants to become romantically involved with me, it’s my responsibility to let her know that I’m not available. If you have an affair, does it really matter if your ring was on or off? I honestly don’t understand this idea that going out without your wedding ring means you’re any less married. Your fidelity is your personal responsibility. Own it.

A wedding band is to serve as a reminder. I really don’t like this reason at all if I’m honest. I don’t use anything right now and I seem to have no problems with staying faithful. I must have incredible memory. Joking aside, I think that I just don’t like the idea that someone needs to be reminded that they’re married. It’s like taking any other oath. You’re volunteering your love and commitment. As in, you’re doing it out of your own free will. It kind of defeats the purpose if you need to be reminded. If you’re dealing with an arranged marriage, then that’s a whole different ballgame which is too complex to even touch in this article.

It’s a symbol of your commitment to unity with your partner. This one is okay but I just can’t quite bring myself to fully buy into it. Ultimately, your actions are the symbols of your commitment. When you look at it that way, the ring itself as a physical manifestation of these sentiments seems to fall short. To draw an analogy, I’m sure it takes little effort for anyone to think of a person they know who is a complete dickhead but has something like a crucifix or an ankh or whatever somewhere on their person. The symbol means absolutely nothing without the accompanying attitude. That begs the question, “why have the symbol at all?”

Reasons I CAN buy into:

It’s a symbol of pride for your relationship with your partner. This is the only reason I’ve come across that I find acceptable. And I have to admit that I really like it. It’s akin to wearing the apparel to your favorite sports team or band. You just want to show off that you’re really into someone or something. In this case, it’s for your partner and the relationship you have built. I find this reason to be quite charming and endearing, as well as genuine. Another way to look at this is that it is an outward expression of your belief in the institution of marriage, which is also fine in my eyes.

Your partner wants you to wear it. There are 2 sides to this. If it’s something that is incredibly important to your partner and he/she really wants you to wear one, then I think it would be in your best interest to wear it, even if it doesn’t have any personal significance to you. This is part of the compromise that comes with marriage. However, that person needs to understand that you can never ascribe the same meaning to it as they do. It would be important to you only because they find it important. At that point, both parties just need to be happy with the final decision.

Conclusion

I know I’m in the minority and I’m sure this article has ruffled some feathers, but the real purpose of the post is to share some history with all of you and give some insight as to what it’s like being of a non-mainstream background. Conundrums like this have existed for me throughout my life and while I don’t feel like I struggle with it, I do see that most people are fortunate enough to not even have to think about stuff like this. Most people don’t even have it on their radar, and others simply take their traditions for granted.

Indonesian culture and American culture aren’t always easily integrated. Hell, that’s why they call it westernization right? The East has always been stigmatized for not doing things like the western world. Truth of the matter is, I know this is an ongoing thing for a lot of Asian-Americans. Do I default to my Asian roots, or do I defer to the American society in which I was raised? Some pick and choose based on convenience, and others (like me) have to dig deeper to find meaning.

Back to the question at hand, I know I’ll have a ring for at least the ceremony, but I haven’t really found much personal purpose beyond that. I might wear it the rest of my life, or I might even take it off before the reception. So, it’s still up in the air for me. I’m not married yet, so maybe I’ll be able to come up with a new reason through the actual wedding to help lock it down. I just have to continue to keep an open mind, in the same way as when I was doing this research. I know this is a bit of a crappy ending for this post, but I have to be intellectually honest.

If you think of any other reasons to wear a ring or any reasons that you wear a ring that I didn’t mention, be sure to comment below or drop me a line at therelationshipodcast@gmail.com. I hope reading this article was as enlightening for you as it was for me in researching for it.

-Drey

 

Lesbihonest: Being Gay, Female, and Asian – S2E5

Ever since TheRelationshiPodcast started this podcast, we’ve been dying to get a second opinion about the stuff we talk about from someone that’s not a hetero Asian American male.  Andrey reached out to a pool of personal friends and low and behold Fefe appeared and graciously volunteered to be on the show.  Lesbihonest: Being Gay, Female, and Asian is Episode 5.

Being Gay, Female, and Asian Outline

  • Challenges that accompany being Asian American and lesbian.
  • Is there Asian fetishism in the LGBT community?
  • Are there gender roles in a lesbian relationship?
  • Monogamy and open relationships.
  • Racism amongst and outside of the LGBT?
  • Bisexuality & Bicuriousity and it’s perception in the LGBT.

If you want to be a guest on TheRelationshiPodcast please send us an e-mail.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast.  Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

You can find us on multiple Social Media outlets: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and YouTube.

This the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”

Dating Alpha Women – S1E10

Dating Alpha Women

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We dive into dating alpha women.  Ryan and I had a brief conversation about potential collaborations.  He mentioned a trio of woman that had a podcast–ABG Podcast, which is a trio of women.  At first I thought ABG was short for Asian Baby Girls (which made me less interested), but it was Asian Boss Girls instead (which drew me back in).  I thought about it and contrasted how much different women TODAY are compared to women 40 years ago.  Today there are a lot more opportunities for women than before.  Women today are much more highly educated, hold more powerful positions in business, they are in all industries that were previously dominated by men, have a lot of expendable income, and they just have the power of freedom to do whatever they want.  Lets go!!

Dating Alpha Women Outline

  • What is your definition of an Alpha Woman?
  • Have you ever dated an Alpha Woman?
  • Generally speaking, do you think it is difficult for men (or women) to date a strong, independent woman?
  • Do you think it is harder for Alpha Woman to find partners?
  • What qualities does a man (or woman) need to date an Alpha Woman?
  • What kind of men (or women) have a tendency to prefer a Alpha Woman?
  • Discussion Reference: How To Date An Alpha Female by Madeline Haller. Read here.

Intro and Outro music from The PassionHiFi.
Scratching done by DJ Indoe (Drey).

If you want your music to be featured on our podcast (or contact us) please send us an e-mail

Episode 9 (Recap) – Five Stages of a Relationship by George Levinger.  Check it out here.

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This the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”

 

Five Stages of a Relationship by George Levinger – S1E9

Five stages of a Relationship are similar to the many levels of infrastructure within a freeway
Ryan highlights the Five Stages of a Relationship by George Levinger. The TRP team reviews all these stages: Acquaintance, Build-up, Continuation, Deterioration, and Termination. John wants to put this in modern terms so he refers to these stages as “Eat and Greet, Second Entree, Autopilot, Ready to Bounce, and Ghosting.”

Background on George Levinger:

  • Pioneered research on interpersonal attraction and close relationships.
  • Publishing dozens of articles including:
    • Close Relationships: Perspectives on the Meaning of Intimacy
    • Divorce and Seperation: Context, Causes, and Consequences
    • Close Relationships
  • Professor of Psychology at University of Massachusetts, Amherst from 1965 to 1992.
  • Passed away on July 3, 2017.

Five Stages of a Relationship by George Levinger

  1. Acquaintance: Relationship starts with mutual attraction.
  2. Build-up: Couples become increasingly interdependent.
  3. Continuation: Couple’s lives becomes intertwined.
  4. Deterioration: Bond breaks cost overshadows rewards.
  5. Termination: The relationship ends due to deterioration.

fIVE Stages of a Relationship Outline

  • Do you agree with the order of these terms? Why or why not?
  • Do you agree with the definition of these terms? Why or why not?
  • Are there any stages missing from this list?
  • Discussion Reference: 5-stage model – George Levinger 1980. Read here.

Intro and Outro music from The PassionHiFi.
Scratching done by DJ Indoe (Drey).

If you want your music to be featured on our podcast (or contact us) please send us an e-mail.

Episode 8 (Recap) – Lets Talk About Guy Time. Check it out here.

This is the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”

Lets Talk About Guy Time – S1E8

Do you ever wonder why your your man or boy friends have GNOs (Guys Night Out)?  This Neanderthal event happens on a random weekday, but can also occur on weekends.  We always come back late and very drunk with a goofy ass smile.  GNO always involves alcohol, sports, video games, chest pounding, water cooler talk, and possibly twisting another friend’s nipple(s).  We are very much modern cavemen, but very humorous if you had the lucky chance to tag along.  Andrey wanted to dive into this topic we will call Lets Talk About Guy Time.

lets talk about guy time Outline

  • Why do you need guy time?
    • Is it mostly your need to get away from the relationship?
    • Is it more for you need to keep in touch with close friends?
    • Are there some activities that you can only do with certain groups of friends.
    • All of the above?
  • What are some of these activities?
    • Video/tabletop games
    • Watching sporting events
  • Can your partner possibly participate in some of these activities?
    • If so, what is some of the advice or backstory you would give to significant partners to help them in engaging in these activities.

Intro and Outro music from The PassionHiFi.
Scratching done by DJ Indoe (Drey).

If you want your music to be featured on our podcast (or contact us) please send us an email

Episode 7 (Recap) – Decoding What Guys Say.  Do We Mean What We Say?  Check it out here.

This is the NON-SALTY Disclaimer:  “We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliation, religion, or creed.  These opinions are soley based on our unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule.  We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions.  At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree.  Please enjoy the podcast.”

Decoding What Guys Say. Do We Mean What We Say? – S1E7

Sleepy Zurich, Switzerland

Some of the biggest obstacles in a relationships is communication and misinterpretation.  John and the team will be decoding what guys say on this episode for women and/or men.  John dubs this subject topic as “What He Said, What She Hears, What He Means.”  John compiled a list of phrases that men use.  Andrey perceives what women hear.  Ryan explains what men actually mean.  Shenanigans ensue.

Decoding what guys say Outline

  1. “It’s not you, it’s me.”
  2. “She’s just an old friend.”
  3. “We’ll have to catch up sometime.”
  4. “I don’t want anything serious right now.”
  5. “Lets take a break.”
  6. “It’s fine.”
  7. “It’s a guy thing.”
  8. “How do you know that guy?”
  9. “That’s interesting, dear.”
  10. “We should start exercising.”

Intro and Outro music from The PassionHiFi.
Scratching done by DJ Indoe (Drey).

If you want your music to be featured on our podcast (or contact us) please send us an email

Episode 6 (Recap) – Cohesiveness allows for a healthy relationship.  Check it out here.

This is the NON-SALTY Disclaimer:  “We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliation, religion, or creed.  These opinions are soley based on our unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule.  We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions.  At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree.  Please enjoy the podcast.”

Cohesiveness allows for Healthy Dating Relationships- Dating- S1E6

Cohesiveness is important in all healthy relationships, even in festivals like these that celebrate corgi cohesiveness at SF's Corgi Con 2017.Episode 6 (Listen NOW!) – Cohesiveness allows for Healthy Dating Relationships according to Andrey… What is really at the core essence of this relationship trait?

What keeps people together? By definition, it’s usually some sort of cohesiveness. However, every couple can have a different reason for staying together. Some people like being with uncanny versions of themselves. Some people are nothing alike, but that’s what they love about each other. Also, it could just be about the sex. Let’s be real, everybody knows at least one couple that they think is just in it for the sex. The question is, is there anything really wrong with that?

As Andrey mentioned previously in Episode 5, he and his fiancee have absolutely nothing in common. So what does he think his secret is? Is it opposites attract? Or rather is there something underlying that’s the source? As he tries to unpack his own conclusions on the matter, John and Ryan chime in with theirs. Tune in to find out how we dissect the issue of cohesiveness.

Cohesiveness Outline

  • Is it maintaining a healthy sexual relationship?
  • Common ground vs Complimentary traits
  • AND MORE!

Intro and Outro music from The PassionHiFi.
Scratching done by DJ Indoe (Drey).

If you want your music to be featured on our podcast (or contact us) please send us an e-mail

Episode 5 (Recap) – John goes in deep with The Relationship Podcast about Deal Breakers.  Check it out here.

This is the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”