Shuffle Around Life: Chapter 14 (Wildcard): The Best Man Speech and Reflection

What’s up Shuffle Around Life Readers!

This is a super late post but for good reason, a lot of what’s been going on this past week was tied to a great friend of mine Kundai and guest host of the podcast. I was asked to become the best man and like all best men before me, had to write a speech about why my best friend (and his now wife) are such an awesome duo.

So for those who weren’t in attendance but would like to get a hint as to what I wrote, here it is, please enjoy…

 

 

 

“8.2 Seconds *pause*, that’s how long it takes for a man to fall in love. Don’t Google it now (put your phones away), it’ll kill my speech and some of you will drunkenly berate me later for providing fake news. I’m just kidding.

However there is some ring of truth to that, when I first met Kundai it took 10 seconds before we offered each other a beer. Ever since then, many more drinks and discussions were had, all thanks to our adventures in life.

Kundai is quite the character, he is a contrarian and is self-proclaimed as ‘fly’ with his sense of style and knowledge of botany. He roams the earth to uncover the beautiful details of nature, even if it means going off the beaten path once in a while. Speaking of path, it wasn’t until one day he told me crossed paths with a lovely lady named Clarissa that his world started to slowly change.  Clarissa’s vibe totally complimented Kundai and in some cases amplified the love they shared with the world at large.

Both have confided to me, on separate occasions that one wouldn’t be able to live without the other. It was then, I knew that somehow this would evolve into a beautiful union of kindred spirits. Thank you Kundai for being an amazing friend (and brother) to me all these years. Clarissa, I am thrilled to consider you my newfound sister in in this journey we call life. I’d like to end this speech to a toast to everyone in attendance, the family and friends who are here with us far and wide. Bonds that are revisited and hopefully renewed, as Oscar Wilde once put:

“Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation. “

Btw, Kundai thanks for finally admitting that I am the best man!

 

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Shuffle Around Life: Chapter 13 (4, A, K): Patience Is A Virtue

 

What’s up TRP Shuffle Around Life Readers!

Today’s topic was inspired about the current life transition and my time waiting for my meal. You see, in life there are moments where you have to practice patience. You need to be patience waiting in line to be served, while you’re waiting for an Amazon Package, or even finding someone that means the world to you. Whatever it is you’re waiting for, the currency as expressed in the last article is time (which I would highly suggest you read). One thing I noticed is, there are people in my life who are very impatient. They want everything at a moment’s notice, because if you don’t get it done it’s all excuses from there. However I’ll argue that there are some things worth being very impatient for and other things are pointless and it makes me wonder like, “Why waste your energy and effort on it?”

via GIPHY

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not to say I don’t have my days (we’re all human) but there are certain things that you are forced to be patient with and cannot rush. For example…

  • Following the rules of the road when driving on the highway or streets (people in Asia or road racers may disagree with this one).
    • The ticket fines are high and it will raise a premium on your insurance the more tickets you acquire
  • Waiting for a cake to bake (we all know that one person, who wanted to eat the cake immediately).
    • With all things it must take time for the cake to rise, settle, and cool down.
  • Delivering a baby.
    • All the mothers who have listened (or have gone through delivering a baby) understands the time it takes cannot be rushed. If you ever rush a woman, well be forwarned it ain’t going to be pretty
  • And etc.

The problem lies, when people have varying attitudes on gray areas of things in life that no patience can surmount. Let’s start with the following:

  • Lingering Medical Conditions (sans Baby Delivery), at some point you need to see a doctor.
    • Some have more serious issues than others, but if your anxious you may demand to see a doctor immediately as opposed to waiting 3-4 weeks (like I am at the moment).
  • Some Restaurant Experiences
    • This is very subjective perspective, my lady won’t wait for an overhyped hipster restaurant but I might, because something piqued my curiosity and I want to see it through. This also goes with fine dining experiences or eating with those who treat everything like an Instagram/Food & Wine  Photoshoot at the dining table.
  • Career Advancement and Professional Development
    • Again another very subjective. Some may be ready to do management but your management may disagree with ‘roadblock’ your step up the ladder. Jobs that you apply will acknowledge your skill but aren’t willing to pay the price (or better yet, sneak in free consulting, to save time and money on a candidate). Whatever the case may be it can be very frustrating when you feel you’re on a timeline and tomorrow is not promised.

I bring up these points because I’d like to believe I’ve been very, VERY, patient with how life is going. Do I wish for certain things to be done faster? Absolutely. Is it going to take a lot of effort and time? Fuck yeah.

As an individual, there’s only so much waiting and sitting idle you can do until you need to make a move. I’ve been doing things in the background to prepare for this next step. It’s not easy but everything comes with a price just as Thanos knows and soon you’ll achieve progress (or in this case, deadly success).

via MEME

Enjoy the weekend folks!

-R of the TRP

Shuffle Around Life: Chapter 12 (A, K, Q): Learning to Say NO (a tight rope perspective) When Necessary

Hello TRP Shuffle Around Life Readers!

Here’s something that’s been on my mind for a while and needed to vent about this and it’s about the importance of Saying No, to things.

You see in recent years, even with my “transition” there are things I do outside of writing columns, conducting analysis, troubleshooting and more on the TRP like everyone else. One thing that’s made me very certain is an essential life skill is SAYING NO WHEN NECESSARY.

What do I mean for this?

Everyone is familiar with the concept of time and how it’s probably the single most valuable asset you have as a human being. Let’s break down how this looks….

The breakdown will be by day, year, and week (all adhering within a 24 hour period):

In a Single Day:

  • 86400 Seconds
  • 1440 Minutes
  • 24 Hours

In a Single Week (7x the values):

  • 604800 Seconds
  • 10080 Minutes
  • 168 Hours
  • 7 Days

In a Single Year: (52x previous values):

  • 31,449,600 Seconds
  • 524, 160 Minutes
  • 8,736 Hours
  • 365 Days* (366, give or take a day or two because of leap year and axial tilt/speed)
  • 52 Weeks
  • 12 Months
  • 1 Year

***

*(Reading this post will probably take 2-3 minutes at most and for that, I am truly grateful for you sharing your time with me)

All these increments should give you an idea of how much time is so valuable. And yet, with everything going on in your daily life you have to wonder, is there really time to do everything you ever wanted in your lifetime? The answer is no, NO, no, NO. You will be pulled in all kinds of directions and a lot of times, what you will fulfill for one party will not make the other happy.

Recently, I’ve been going through that, working on this podcast, working on another side project, handling property management, and then of course career hunting. All of these balls juggling in the air, the answer should be relatively simple, focus on the things that matter to you (and are a priority). Furthermore, the more pragmatic approach is, focus on things that have an ROI (personal, professional, emotional, or financial). The problem with this is what you may think is ROI , people will ALWAYS DISAGREE WITH YOUR PRIORITIES and you deem is ROI. They will make their case and claim why their priorities are much more important than your own. THEY WILL NOT CARE, REMAIN SELFISH, AND CAN ONLY LOOK AT THINGS OBJECTIVELY WHEN SHIT HITS THE FAN FOR THEM.

For those who see it in this matter, I say a big FUCK YOU. I’ve always tried to understand it from the other side of the picture. In fact, if tomorrow weren’t guaranteed and any of my colleagues or friends (can’t move forward with me). I will not hold them to it walking away and diverting on what’s important to them, that’s just a fact of life.

Do you need money to support yourself but your passion project isn’t doing shit for you?

Take a step back and take the time needed to re-evaluate, before jumping back on the horse.

Are you slammed at work in that you don’t have time to do any creative stuff on the side?

Don’t trip, recharge and come back when you’re ready. The difference between working for a paycheck versus working for a passion, is the willingness to put in as much as you can even without stability.

However for those I didn’t mean to hurt (or de-prioritize) and had to say NO to, I am deeply Sorry. It was never an easy option and quite frankly if it were, then chances are I don’t care about you as much as you think I do.

Majority of the time, people would rather do passion work that provides a sense of security in their lifestyle (and perception(s)) in society. However majority of the world, doesn’t have that luxury to exercise such an approach. People take unstable jobs just to pay the bills. Whereas the wealthiest individuals own as much as half of the poorest of the entire world’s population.

Overall, people should be more understanding of each other’s time and priorities in one’s life. When you do realize this need for compassion, you’ll realize that even your impact in the world is but a millimeter of a Domino in the entire universe’s history of existence.

-RM

Shuffle Around Life: Chapter 10 (8, A, Q): Clean Up and Knowledge Series Part 3

What’s up everyone reading the Shuffle Around Life!

Several things to reference before we get started:

For those who wanted to learn the origins of this series, I highly, HIGHLY suggest you start from the beginning when it was the TRP Single Life” with Part One listed here.

Second, if you enjoy the deviation of article series check out the Dating App Series by starting here.

As mentioned in the previous article is the beginning of the Knowledge Series, we first start with the topic of “Knowing” and what it means to research and “Know” what to do next, if you want a recap, you can start here.

And now, onto the topic on hand!

***

So we already covered the first two elements described so you’re probably wondering why separate refinement from execution and mastery? Well for starters, you have to go back to my previous example about cooking. You see majority of the people in the world, can follow the first two steps. However this 3rd step is probably more relevant to those who enjoy the hobby of cooking at home, outdoors, or professionally (fine dining, catering, etc.) The great thing about refinement is finding your personal groove (by that I mean tempo), nobody can replicate this groove for this task because some people do things differently compared to others. For instance, my writing style and how I space out writing this series would be different compared to John and Drey (my other co-hosts of the podcast).

Their personal tone (and storytelling ability) is vastly different you can see examples of this here (by John) and here (by Drey). You can ever go further with this and listen in on the storytelling set by one my favorite Marketers Seth Godin, who created the Akimbo podcast about the applications of business, the intricacies of creativity, and how it’s applied to the world at-large. You see, although we started doing storytelling here on the TRP for the past year, Mr. Godin has been doing it for several decades. His verbal acuity when describing social phenomenon is what sets him apart from many other marketers in the game. This isn’t something that can be built overnight, this can only be done through constant trial and error of execution.

However that’s not to take away from my colleagues and their personal skills of refinement. Drey comes from a similar background and every week when recording the podcast, he uses his audio palate to adjust and present our episodes from a clean canvas into a finished product. This spills over into his DJ’ing, Photography, and many more things that are set to his arsenal. John on the other hand, despite his out of pocket commentary, knows when to push people’s buttons (even when it gets too far). His trolling goes beyond the norm but it also reflects in his nature of refinement in creating the interactive videos, soundbits, and TRP memes you see on our Instagram account today.

Look around you in life, what are some of the things you (or your peers) are passionate about? Is it something a bit more artisanal, like woodwork? What about cosplays? Or even making the most *fire emoji* edits on a Youtube video? These are avenues in which we invest our time and energy, the constant iteration of anything we involve ourselves with. In corporations, when your company (and managers) set goals, there’s a quota set on your productivity and output but what mostly isn’t measured is effort. The blood, sweat, tears, and frustrations going into learning how to deliver (whatever it is that’s necessary).

“People in 2019, don’t care about effort enough “

Yet without this important element of the human condition, nothing would manifest or come to creation. Landmarks like the Sistine Chapel, Pyramid’s of Egypt, or something as epic as the Avengers Assembling…

via GIPHY

Wouldn’t be paramount to what we would consider as an epic blockbuster of a movie. Another way of looking at this is the ongoing work of a relationship. Is it enough to remember just your significant other’s birthday? Favorite Boba Drink? No, there will be times you will make hard calls (whether its for easy tasks or challenging ones) to create a more memorable experience for you (and your loved ones). We as a society have become more selfish in 2019, then ever before, don’t believe me? Look at your phone and all of the applications you downloaded. See the people who: follow you, retweet, share, comment, criticize, screenshot and etc. Your worth as a human being is only as good as the reputation that proceeds itself.

“Everything needs to have an ROI on the surface and yet the fundamental truth is human beings have conditions to crave unconditional desires.”

  • As an employer, I need loyal employees to succeed and build my business, otherwise I will fire them (unconditional loyalty)
  • As a co-worker, I need my colleagues to bust (or cover my ass) otherwise I would look down on them and gossip (unconditional support)
  • As a partner/S.O. in a relationship, I need them to pull their (financial and emotional) weight and make me happy otherwise I’ll threaten leave (unconditional love)

The idea of the ‘unconditional’ being possible is only through the low-risk efforts (and tasks) conducted by those willing; E.G. Giving someone anything because we have an abundance, pets comforting us in our time of need (when human interaction is empty), etc. We find ourselves yet again “refining” our definition(s) of core values, based on these “unconditional” scenarios and yet, we don’t invest much effort into this area of well-being. We’re all “too busy” making money, spending time with friends, traveling the world, to see what’s going on to the world at large.

As you can see, refinement isn’t just the application of constant effort and time invested. Refinement is, finding purpose in ourselves and expressing that purpose through the various tools and mediums we use in everyday life. Refinement should also be about consciousness of the world around us and tailoring ourselves to become better to one another (and our resources). Lastly, refinement is a constant variable (like time) because you’ll never know when one day, you can become: a work of art, a glorified war hero, or to be remembered for something greater…

via GIPHY

To Be Continued….

Date #10: Lots of Messages= My Sassy and Straightshooter of a Date

Author’s Note: Sorry for the Long Delay given work and life but now, we’re back on the momentum and grind…

***

Lots of Messages, from our emails, to our dating inboxes we’re ridden with all kinds of stuff. This date was no different and like things it started on a good foot and eventually let to nothingness. In the beginning, like any other first dating app impression of one another, we slowly sized each other up.

She shared a bit of her current background and aspirations of the future, as I did with mine. However as time went on, I noticed our exchange became quite enormous. What started as a few messages, led to 50, then a 100, and afterwards it became such an egregious number to where I literally said, “Why don’t we just talk on the phone/facetime given all of exchanges?…”It’ll be quicker and there’s less typing involved.”

For many people, who know me IRL and heard me referenced this Ad-Nauseum before within our podcast episodes. I’m not a big texter by any means, I get that it’s the preferred mode of communication but I have serious hang up about it.

*Author’s side Rant Starts*

For one, unless you meet through a dating app you typically don’t really know the person until you’re in proximity (face to face). Second, a lot of times because text messaging is similar to email you can get really distracted easily (another “date potential,” other friends, family, etc.) Finally, we’re not robots (at least I’d hope, I didn’t date any in disguise yet?) and if you don’t want me to communicate with you via text as we sit/stand next to one another, then please let’s be humans and actually verbally converse. I had dated someone who gave their two cents on the issue, “A Phone Call in my generational cohort, is like getting a direct request from the Principal’s Office, as if you were going to get Expelled.” Are you fucking kidding me? This dramatic exaggeration is a major turn-off which is why I try my best to proactively filter those who are in love with this form of communication. The only thing useful with this modern medium is to slide into those DMs before you slide into one’s underwear.

*Author’s side Rant Ends*

Once our phone conversation began, they went even longer, she was definitely a ‘chatty cathy’ but I appreciate that because then I don’t have to talk as much as one would expect. After several days, we finally met up at a wine bar after work downtown. It was extremely filled to the brim on a Thursday evening, I didn’t imagine it would be this packed but then again this is San Francisco after all. She looked pretty cute in her mint green dress and heels. I wore a simple business casual outfit with some oxfords to at least put forth some type of effort. She constantly reminded me of her “Boughetto” (Bougie and Ghetto, for the uninformed) behavior and yet when we had a flight of wine, she wasn’t too familiar with the process.

I then, explained to her the process and she was baffled because she didn’t expect someone like me to have such  a refined palate. Looks are deceiving and this isn’t the first time it has happened, I guess when you look (and feel) a bit rugged you don’t give off the clean cut demeanor to certain folks. Anyway, we ended up walking around town until she wanted pizza from a certain area. I told her gently, I wasn’t really feeling but she insisted I got a bad batch. After getting the pizza (and trying it for a second time), I still wasn’t impressed and she was disappointed. During this time, I already had slight inclination (two hours into the date) it wasn’t going to work out.

You see comfort with physical touch is critical for a guy. I don’t care what anyone says about their preference, but if someone is not willing to be close whether it’s holding hands, hugging, or even hinting at a kiss. There’s no future for the both of you, just drop it. It’s a simple litmus test really and as a guy you don’t have to be “aggressive” to find out, even the distance between you two as you walk should let you know what’s up. In my case, by the time we were lounging around the bookstore, I knew it was time for the fairy tale to end. I did the gentlemanly thing and waited for her Uber to pick her up before leaving (I asked her texted me to let me know she got home alright at least). After giving her a hug and seeing the Uber drive off, I realized you don’t need to talk to someone for four weeks to find out your incompatible.

As I got home, she texted (instead of called) to inform me she got home. She then mentioned, what I expected and wanted to stay friends but I refused. The reason is, even though I wanted to, for some people like myself it’s weird meeting someone, knowing you were involved with them at some point and acknowledging they’re being intimate with someone other than you. I can commend the people who can stay friends with their exes/ex-dates after a fall out, but let’s face it a lot of the times, it’s a fall back option. It’s something I also used to do, till I realized one day it wouldn’t be fair for the next person.

So long many message lady, you probably found someone who can appreciate your “Boughetto” habits. The search continues…

1.07 The Don’t Suck At Life: Fronting & Social Media

Fronting & Social Media: Like everyone else, I love social media.  It’s cool to see what people are up to especially those you don’t see or talk to on a regular basis.  It is also very amusing what people post about their lives.  The downside of social media is what people post about their lives.  Sometimes I scroll through my Facebook newsfeed and shake my head.  It’s pretty awesome.

Here are my top favorite things:

I’m going to … – I love these self declarations because 98% of you don’t follow through.

  • Lose weight – Nope.  I see your food posts and the portion size is 2x what you should be eating. Congrats on the gym membership, but you look the same several months later.  Being fit is a LIFEstyle; it’s not a short term thing.  I also see your thirst level and the bartender is winning.
  • Stop drinking – Haha, nice try and “famous last words.”  2 days later you post yourself with drinks in hand with the hashtag LIT. Everyone is tempted with a good time so there is no need to front about it.
  • Get off social media – Everyone that talks about getting off social media almost always has come back.  Truth of the matter is you are lurking in the background.  You enjoy all the “likes” and praise you receive from friend’s and others.  I can’t totally blame you because social media is a psychological trap.

My life is the greatest – I’m not a hater of people’s success.  I use it motivate myself to better myself and hopefully it leads to success in my own right.  However, when people are so in your face about it, it is annoying.  I always stay humble about the goals I have reached and I don’t typically make it known to the world.  The bragging is not what I am about which is probably why it bothers me.  The worst is those that brag about their lives when their lives aren’t really that successful or happy.  I know a few dudes that brag about where they are at or with once or twice a year and they stay dormant for the remainder of the year.  Come on, you don’t have to lie to kick it.  Stop fronting.

Inspirational Quotes ‘R Us – I like a good inspirational quote once in awhile.  If you are a motivational speaker, life coach, or someone that practices what you preach then I can understand if you do.  However, 99% of us are not so you spamming inspirational quotes multiple times in a day is not helping your cause.  You have become annoying.  You know that most of us consider whom is sharing the quote, right?  Yes, credibility matters.  If you are not successful and you keep posting success quotes, what does that say about you?  If you post quotes about good relationships yet are single, is that a good look?  Credibility = talk matching actions.  “Stop fronting” –John L.

Airing out dirty laundry – I cringe, but at the same time I love it.  There is always a certain type of person that does this.  Yeah, you know who they are.  Shit, it might be you.  It’s the person that needs confirmation from the world that they’ve been wronged and are the victim.  The moment they post their rant I’ve already pre-judged that they probably fucked up somehow and is looking for a way to spin themselves the victim.  These are the types that nothing they do is wrong; they are always the one’s being wronged.  Give it up, you are fronting.

I really want to tell everyone to stop it, but then I would have nothing to amuse myself with.  Here is the thing, why pretend and just be real.  What you posts always comes back to bite you in the ass anyways.  The Internet is transparent that way and people can figure you out pretty quickly (especially if they can scroll back to your history).  I feel that most of the above is just a cry for attention.  I get it; everybody wants to be “popular” amongst the masses, but to the lengths to be someone you are not.  If you try to be something you are not, then what or who are you really?  I don’t know and only you can answer that question for yourself.

If you want to contact me or TheRelationshiPodcast, you can e-mail me/us.

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