1.03 The Don’t Suck at Life: Who Am I to Talk About Anything?

So if you guys have not figured it out yet; I am one of the hosts of TheRelationshiPodcast.  I’m the one that typically has not much to add, but to crack crude jokes.  I even bet that most of you think that I suck.  After you read some of my columns, the thought of “Who the hell is he to lecture me on my life?” probably has come up.  I would agree with you.  This has always been an constant internal struggle while I’ve been working in this space.  So let me take a moment to keep it real.

Am I a subject matter expert? – Absolutely NOT!  This is the number 1 question my friend’s ask me when I tell them I’m doing a relationship podcast.  I am not credentialed or hold a doctorate to specialize in psychology or relationships; but you’ve probably figured that out already.  The only subject matter that I am an 100% expert in is in myself and my thoughts  Okay, that was being generous, I am probably 75% expert in myself; I’m still learning and am not afraid to admit that I don’t know everything.

What’s with all the crude shenanigans? – This is my distracting mechanism (friends call me JLewd for that reason).  Shit, I don’t have anything to add so I’ll just reach far in the darkest and filthiest place in my mind and shock and awe them.  Instant laughs ensue and everybody forgets what we were suppose to talk about.  Depth is not what I’m known for and my brain is just not wired that way.  Once in awhile, I’ll have a insightful nugget that I pulled out of my ass.  However, that is far and between.

I am not good at podcasting – Yeah, I pretty much think I suck at it; public speaking is not my forte.  In terms of clearly stating ideas, I come dead last out of the 3 of us.  In fact, I cringe when I have to listen to myself when Andrey completes the final cut (Shoutout to Andrey for making me sound semi-listenable).  My sole role on here is for entertainment.  I feel that I do much better in my columns than on the podcast itself.  Its probably because I have more time to think it out.  Feel free to send me harsh comments–therelationshipodcast@gmail.com.  I have thick skin so I bet I’ll have a good laugh (but cry on the inside).  Just kidding, bitches!

Why the FUCK do I listen to you then? – As you can tell from the above, I am a shitty salesman.  That’s actually a good thing because I don’t want to tell you what you want to hear to get your buy in.  In order to connect or have a relationship with people, they have to TRUST you.  The easiest way is to be the honest version of yourself; flaws and all.  I am not one to bullshit about things because I don’t want anyone to bullshit with me (The Golden Shit Rule).  I think and say what I mean; that is what most of my friends appreciate about me.

In the end, I’m working on not sucking at life too.  I have vulnerable flaws, but I try to keep a positive attitude and find ways to improve myself to better serve other people.  How you hear me on the podcast and what you read on this column is 100% ME.  I hope you come back because of that.  Just know that I will always try to give you answers that are honest and truthful from my own perspective.  If I am ever wrong about something or you think I’m off the boat, call me out on it–therelationshipodcast@gmail.com (Subject: Hey, Asshole!!).  I would love to hear your side of the story #DontBeSalty.

If you want to contact me or TheRelationshiPodcast, you can e-mail me/us.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast.  Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

You can find us on multiple Social Media outlets: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, and Patreon.

Audio version is below.

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1.02 The Don’t Suck at Life: Life in your 40s is Fabulous

John is the most mature out of the TRP hosts.  When I say mature, I really mean that I am the oldest.  If you are referring to mental maturity, I am dead last.  Yes, when I hear anyone remotely talk about anything sexual in nature, my eyes widen and I have a smile on my face (so Ryan tells me).

I am not your typical 40 year old since I’m not married, do not have children (that I know about), and am not living in a house with a white picket fence.  My spirit animal is a 20 year old with a carefree life.  Oh, don’t tell anyone, but I am financially responsible for my mother and I have a 9-5 job.  Other than that, YOLO!!!

So let me tell you young grasshoppers what it is like in your 40s:

Babes, Babes, Babes – The women these days are riDUNKulous.  I really wish sometimes I was born much later in life because the women in my generation did not dress or look anything like they do today.  I am blessed to just get a whiff of that fine china–the youngest I dated was 27 years old.  The best part is that they post photo of themselves on Instagram for the PUBLIC to see (FOR FREE!!!!).  No more locking the image in your mental hard drive!!!  Safe to say the eye candy is nice and I do occasionally get the “I’m available” smile.  I have to thank my parents for blessing me with the youthful gene.

Turnt, Turn Up, Get LIT – I recently read an article of terminology that a certain person of a certain age should not be using.  Guess what?  They were referring to me.  However, what is nice about being a certain age and having disposable income is that you can indulge in extracurricular activities.  You and a friend wants to get lit on a Wednesday night?  Check.  Flight out to SF for a Marshmello concert?  Check.  2 day Tijuana trip with the boys?  Check.  You would not be able to do these things with a wife and/or child … frequently.  If you do, I salute you.

Freedom – A lot of my close friends are married with children.  I’m an uncle to MANY; enough so that I have a hard cut-off regarding birthday gifts (after 5 years old they get nothing).  I have seen my friends be good fathers.  Being a father is no easy task and requires huge sacrifices–no personal time and a large financial responsibility.  On the flipside, I’m fortunate that I do not have those responsibilities; I get to be that Drunk Cool Uncle for several hours and I go home.  I cherish that I can go any where as I please and not to answer to anybody.

What I am trying to say is that if you are in your mature years do not regret what you could of or should of done; or even compare yourself to your peers.  Live in this present.  If you are constantly looking in the past, you’ll never get to enjoy the future.  Hey, I’m in my 40s and I am enjoying every minute of it and so should you.  If you are in your 20s, I would tell you to do the same thing.  There are so many things to look forward to, but you just need to get yourself in that mindset.  Enjoy what you have now because tomorrow is not always promised.

If you want to contact me for questions or general stuff, you can e-mail me.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast.  Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

You can find us on multiple Social Media outlets: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, and Patreon.

Audio version is below.

1.01 The Don’t Suck at Life: You Are Single Because of You

Lesbihonest and not make excuses for yourself.  You are single because of you.  Don’t even try to blame this and that; own your whack ass and learn from it.  Now you are wondering why.  Let me just tell you.

You are a snowflake – Yes, anything and everything someone says that is at your expense and is mildly derogatory offends you.  You need to grow some thick skin or grow your balls (ovaries for women).  Learn to roll with it and laugh it off.  Geez, how are you going to live through this harsh world and deal with criticism; whether warranted or not.  No man or woman wants to have to deal with your sensitive ass for the rest of their lives.  It’s never fun having to “walk on egg shells” with your partner all the time.

You know my situation – This is also known as being broke or being unable to hold a job for X number of years and always using the same excuses.  Your friends and family already know these excuses, but they will console and feel bad for you any ways.  Get your shit together.  Lets not BS, the opposite sex is looking for someone that can help them produce something together (some sort of contribution).  If you are one of those types that waits for something to happen without any work, you will be single for the rest of your life.  Please do not have any children either.

You are fronting … HARD! – I should not have to be up here to tell you to be yourself.  You want the person you are dating to know the real you; vice versa as well.  If you are trying to be someone else, you are pretty much lying and being dishonest.  We all know that lying and dishonestly leads to fruitful relationships, right?  Nobody has time to be someone else when you can easily be yourself.  If you cannot be yourself, you have personal psychological issues that a professional needs to deal with.  Any ways, when your partner or date figures out your con, you are done.  Nobody in their right mind would want to date someone that is dishonest.

You have a stick up your butt – You are suppose to have fun with your partner or while dating.  Nothing is more annoying than having to deal with someone that says “I don’t do that” or “I can’t eat that.”  Borrring!!!  Well, if they have some sort of allergy, then I’ll give that a pass (I’m not that much of a cold hearted prick). People like it when other people are more prone to try things they are interested in and vice versa.  Don’t be so close minded.  You might be really surprised on how much you enjoy it.

This is my 2 cents.  If you don’t agree, then enjoy your bed alone.

I got 99 problems, but a girl ain’t one.

Audio version is below.