1.13 The Don’t Suck At Life: Do You Fix Someone A Plate?

Do You Fix Someone A Plate

I am surprised about so many things you learn in life. Caviar, my girl friend from The Bay, asked me about Plate Fixin’. I was clueless since that term can mean anything; fine China, earthquakes, fixing your teeth etc. She sent me to ESPN where Michael Smith & Jemele Hill have a podcast about this subject matter (Plate Fixin’). I never got around to listening to it.

This past weekend, Caviar and Punto (homey from Las Vegas) visited me and I followed up with her about it. Plate Fixin’ premise is when a couple goes to a BBQ or dinner party and his woman doesn’t want to fix her man a plate of food. A woman, who neither of them knows, offers to make a food plate for him. It seems harmless, right? But then you starting reaching into the dark corners of your mind and these questions come up:

  • Is this random woman trying to be nice or is there an ulterior motive?
  • Should the woman be offended that another woman is fixing her man a plate?
  • Is the dude thinking that the woman is flirting?
  • Would I be mad if another man was feeding my woman?
  • Is this code for “Do you want some pussy [or dick]?”

I’m amazed that this is a “THING” that we need to discuss because it seems so trivial. The funny part in the podcast is that Michael Smith said the people who worry about this are not likely in relationships (“petty” was used several times). I would agree with him.

Caviar brought up a real life scenario in her life. She and her boyfriend once visited a friend of hers. The guy friend was driving them around; Caviar sitting in shotgun and her boyfriend in back. The driver was starving so he stopped to grab take out. To make it to their destination in a timely manner, the driver requested Caviar feed him while he drove. She said she got a earful from her boyfriend later on. He brought up “How do you think it makes me feel watching you feed another man?” Needless to say the relationship did not last (his loss).

I’ll let you all gather your thoughts while you marinate on that. I cannot speak for everyone else, but I will answer some of these questions for myself.

Q1 – Is this random woman trying to be nice or is there an ulterior motive?
A1 – I think 99.99% of the time the person is being nice. There is no ulterior motive.

Q2 – Should the woman be offended that another woman is fixing her man a plate?
A2 – If she is insecure with herself, she is plotting your death. If she is secure with herself, no.

Q3 – Is the dude thinking that the woman is flirting?
A3 – Absolutely!! Dudes think EVERYONE is flirting with them, but they are really not. Sorry to burst your bubble, but maybe with me??

Q4 – Would I be mad if another man was feeding my woman?
A4 – This would never happen because I would always make my woman a plate if she requested it. But in a scenario where I have two broken arms, I would be fine if another man makes my woman a plate. Or if she was at a party without me and another man giver her food; I would be okay too. My woman knows what’s in my heart … and my pants. When I say pants, I mean my dick. #DickEnergy

Q5 – Is this code for “Do you want some pussy [or dick]?”
A5 – If you believe Chris Rock, then YES!! Other than that people are just being friendly. Don’t see more into than there needs to be.

The second part of the Plate Fixin’ podcast was about a list of advice that a father recently gives to his son. The one relevant advice is “You can tell the size of a man by the size of things that bother him.” If you are worried about Plate Fixin’ or your woman feeding another man then that speaks volumes about you. Nothing is more unattractive and a relationship burden than jealousy and insecurity. Michael Smith said it right earlier, if this is an issue for you then it’s likely you are not in a relationship. I’ll take it further, you are not ready for a relationship. If you are worried about small petty things, you are not ready to face REAL relationship problems. Secure people understand the big picture of relationships. Take some time to think about that.

I hope you enjoyed this column and please make sure to Don’t Suck At Life!! AND, I have no problems fixing a plate for you and your armless boyfriend.

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1.12 The Don’t Suck At Life: Should I Tattoo My Partner On My Body?

Should I Tattoo My Partner On My Body

It is quite acceptable now for people to have tattoos on themselves these days. Everybody does it to signify people, events, where they came from, etc; basically, whatever they hold dear to themselves. People in relationships also put their significant partners on their body as well. It’s a huge mistake for several reasons.

Average Partners – It seems these days that people fall in and out of relationships quickly. So, if you are one to add partners to your body, then it would make a lovely memorial for your ex’s.  According to Here’s The Average Number Of Sexual Partners A Person Has In A Lifetime, people in the US has an average of 7.2 sexual partners in their lifetime (article posted in Aug 2017). I am assuming here that people in sexual relationships are in relationships and it’s not a hit-it-quit-it scenario. So, it is possible you will have 7 individual names on your body by the time you find The One. Keep in mind that this is JUST an average so that 7.2 number could be lower or HIGHER.

The Awkwardness – You are really into this woman or man and it has gotten far enough into the relationship that you get to bone. Intimacy is about to happen, and you notice a face or name that he or she has never spoken about. The mental focus shifts from sex to “WTF is that?” In When Your Partner Has a Tattoo of Their Ex, “The internet is filled with forums and columns where advice-seekers need backup on this issue: Am I supposed to care about this dude’s tattoo of his baby mama? Is he supposed to fix it out of respect to us? Or is it no big deal? The letters are strikingly identical, give or take a few details.” There definitely will be a lot of questions once the tattoo(s) are discovered. Now imagine the scenario if there are 7.2 names found. There is going to be a lot of explaining to do here *Ricky Ricardo voice*

Not Commitment of Love – You may think that getting your partner tattooed on yourself is a sign of commitment or love; it’s not. By adding it to your body, it is a reminder of your partner, but it does not guarantee the relationship will be forever. In Reasons to Not Get Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend’s Name or Initials Tattooed on Your Body, the article states “Tattoo is not a special sign of love, anyone can get it. Real commitment shows in everyday behavior, not in a small patch of ink. A tattoo may be permanent, but it is not a written contract binding you both in a relationship forever.” I think the best points to digest is that “Real commitment shows in everyday behavior …” and “… but it is not a written contract binding you both in a relationship forever.”

The Cost of Lover’s Past – Getting a tattoo is not an inexpensive venture; it takes your time, some pain, and the cost of getting it done. Removing tattoos is just as expensive as getting them. According to CostHealthHelper, “Laser tattoo removal, which is the most common method, and usually the best, ranges from $200 to $500 per session. Because it can take from five to twenty sessions to remove a tattoo, the total cost could reach $10,000.” If you are doing this multiple times for different partners, the cost adds up to a small fortune.

As you can tell, you know where I stand on getting tattoos of my partners. Just don’t do it!! The cons outweigh the pros. I can understand that most people do it as a sign of commitment/love. However, I feel that a better sign of commitment/love is putting energy in the relationship—doing things for you partner. Sure, the tattoo is a symbol of your affection, but I think your partner would prefer to hear you say “I love you and I am committed to you” throughout your relationship. Ink is just ink until you put actions to show your love and commitment to the other person. A tattoo isn’t going to put in the work for the relationship to work.

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1.11 The Don’t Suck At Life: You Do Matter In This World

You Do Matter In This World

“As you move through this life and this world you change things slightly, you leave marks behind, however small. And in return, life—and travel—leaves marks on you. Most the time, those marks—on your body or your heart—are beautiful. Often, though, they hurt.”Anthony Bourdain

“If you’re as honest and fair as you can be, not only in business but in life, things will work out. I hope that people remember me not just as a good businesswoman but as a great friend—and a heck of a lot of fun.”Kate Spade

“Life’s a game made for everyone and love is the prize. So wake me up when it’s all over – when I’m wiser and I’m older. All this time I was finding myself and I didn’t know I was lost.”Avicii

People that know me see me as the happy, go-lucky kind of guy. Most people would be surprised that I am a survivor. When I was 17 years old, in high school, I went through a traumatic relationship break up. I was left feeling that I was not good enough to be loved by anyone. It led to depression and my attempt. I survived. Through my ordeal, I learned a great deal about myself, especially about my own self worth.

I Have A Purpose – “… you change things slightly, you leave marks behind, however small.”—Anthony Bourdain. I am not a practicing Christian, but I do believe there is a God. By all accounts, I should not have lived. Whether it was because of God’s grace or sheer luck, I am still here today. What I got from this experience is that I was meant to survive and there is a role for me in this life–it was not my time to go. I am still trying to figure out if there is a bigger purpose for me; other than be a good son, brother, friend, and person. I’ll let you know if I determine that, but I am content with my purpose now. We all have a purpose in this life and you should never forget that you do too.

I Matter – “Life’s a game made for everyone and love is the prize.” –Avicii. I have always been shy and lacked personal confidence. I have gotten better at being more social and believing in myself. I did not love myself enough at that time so I thought I did not matter; nobody would miss me if I was gone. Take a step back into your past and think about all the things that would not happened if you were taken out of the equation. It’s pretty amazing when you think about it, right? We are interlocked in this world and all serve a purpose in this master plan that is invisible to us. You and I are all small drops of water that fall into a pool; causing ripples that move throughout the water. You 100% matter.

I Will Be Okay – “If you’re as honest and fair as you can be … things will work out …”—Kate Spade. When you are younger, your world is very small; problems seem larger than they really are. This was the first obstacle in my life that I could not control in my favor and I was incapable of dealing with it. I chose to quit and failed. The universe basically told me that my time was not up and I needed to deal with this in order to grow as a person. Shockingly enough the world did not end for me; in more ways than one. Just know with every problem there is a solution to it. The solution may not be pleasant at the time, but nothing in life is ever easy. Personal growth occurs when you learn to overcome obstacles in life. 10 years later, I reached a good place with myself. Please remember there is nothing you cannot overcome.  You will be okay at the end of the day.

Being able to believe that I [you] have a purpose, I [you] matter, and I [you] will be okay is always easy to say, but so much harder to make yourself believe. Trust me, it was difficult and something I am trying to master constantly. But, I survived and I want to believe everyone else can also. If I can stress anything, it’s that you are loved and deserve to be loved, and you were meant to be here. What really got me through the hardship was realizing that I did not want my mother to be without her son, sister without her brother, and friends without their friend. I knew I had a great family and friends and I did not want to lose those things.  I can only imagine the pain of having to say goodbye to me so early.

Suicide is not a word that I like to ever use just because it reminds me of the dark place I was in. This is why I chose to minimize the usage of it in my column. I understand this is a touchy topic enlight of the passing of Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade this month. If you are unable to cope with your struggles, please reach out and talk to somebody. I myself did not do this on my own; I spoke with family, friends, and professionals. If you are having thoughts of suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TALK) or go to SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for a list of additional resources. Remember that suicide is never the answer and you do matter in this world; I promise you that.

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1.10 The Don’t Suck At Life: The Entitlement Culture

This past week, I had a conversation with a friend of mine about a former friend of ours; we’ll just call him The Entitled One.  Basically, he was giving me updates on The Entitled One.  To give you some history here, The Entitled One has not been working for 5 years, is 40-something, living out of his parent’s house, and is engaged to his fiancée (he proposed with no ring, if that matters).  My friend was telling me that The Entitled One said “I’m not taking a job lesser than what I had because that’s taking steps BACKWARDS.”  I did mention that The Entitled One has been out of work for around 5 years, right?

This whole Entitlement Culture is foreign to me.  I grew up in a middle income household.  My parents made sure I had the bare essentials to skate by with; nothing ever extravagant.  My parents always told me that I had to do well in school, work hard, and you will have to earn everything in life (don’t expect anyone to ever give you anything).  I wake up everyday to that mantra and believe that only I can control my destiny by the things I do today and so forth.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve met some people that have helped me along the way and I am super appreciative and thankful.  However, it is never expected for the world to help me.

This Entitlement Culture is not limited to Millennials.  Janet Mantler, Carleton University psychology professor, states that “she’s found evidence to suggest entitlement is going up across the western world, among every age group.  It’s just that the people conducting the studies tend to only measure it in youth.” [Culture of entitlement not limited to youth].  I’ve seen my fair share of entitlement amongst all age groups with my own eyes.  Besides The Entitled One, I recall being in a car with a coworker who was a senior in High School.  She was complaining that her parents were cheap because they didn’t want to spend “just” $20k for a new Acura Integra for her.  I almost guarantee most of American do not have that amount in their bank accounts right now.  According to Liz Smith, “Of the Americans who have savings accounts, the median savings account balance is $5,200.”

Where does this entitlement come from?  I personally blame parents and society.  Katelyn Fagan, author of The Problem With Entitlement Begins With Us, states that “When we as parents reward ourselves with buying something we don’t really need, perhaps when we can’t really afford it, and for really no reason at all, is it any wonder our children think they should be given what they want at any time …”  Let’s not forget that sometimes society rewards you just for showing up.  “In a world where every kid gets a trophy just for showing up, or labour-hungry companies buy warm bodies with hiring bonuses, the result is a kind of false feedback loop that distorts our conception of what we truly deserve … so when we reap rewards for literally being in the right place at the right time, we interpret it as confirmation we are innately extraordinary. We don’t think we need to earn rewards, we just expect them.”

How do you know if you are entitled?  Aletheia Luna, 16 Signs You Have a Sense of Entitlement Complex, specifies 16 signs, but I’ll paraphrase the 11 important ones.

01.You impose unrealistic demands onto everyone.
04. You believe that you deserve happiness and go to great lengths to ensure it at the expense of others.
05. You punish people when they don’t do what you want.
08. You tend to exhibit double-standards in regards to behavior (ie. I can <insert action>, but you cannot).
09. You take more than give in friendships and relationships.
10. You tend to look out for yourself 100% of the time.
11. There is no such thing as compromise.
12. Your priorities always come first even at the expense of others.
14. You think that you are better, or more important, than other people.
15. You crave admiration and adoration.
16. You like to assert your dominance or superiority over other people.

Conclusions:

    • If you coddle your children, your children will be entitled or a 40 year old living in your home.
    • Remember, your children learn from YOU.
    • If you have 3 traits out of those 11, don’t bother adding me on social media.  You suck at life!
    • The biggest reward is working hard and earning that rewards yourself.  Yes, it’s nice to get handouts, but you should never expect that for the rest of your life.
    • We are all hunters in life.  Those that cannot hunt don’t eat; and perish.

If you want to contact me or TheRelationshiPodcast, you can e-mail me/us.

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1.09 The Don’t Suck At Life: The Asian Bachelor

Last week, I hosted the Why We Are Taking So Long To Get Married In This Generation? episode. Ryan and Andrey had great responses and insights regarding why this generation is not in a rush.  I pretty much kept it low key so I thought this would be a great opportunity to speak regarding why I have maintained The Asian Bachelor status. It is not that complicated; it’s because I’m not ready.  I’ll elaborate on the specific reasons.

Freedom – I enjoy coming and going as I please without having to ask permission from anyone. If you guys don’t know already from the previous episodes, in my early 20s I focused on myself and stayed single for 10 years before dating again. I think that was a lasting psychological affect on me and the relationships I have now. When I am in a relationship, I feel constrained sometimes that I have to ask permission to do something. There are also moments when I just rather be by myself and not spend it with my partner. I’m just too use to doing whatever I wanted during my dating haitus.

Late Bloomer – In the Why We Are Taking So Long To Get Married In This Generation? episode, Andrey mentioned that he thought he did his 20s correctly; got the partying out of his system.  I spent my 20s focusing on attaining my Bachelors and Masters degrees. So I feel in my 30s and 40s that I’ve been catching up to my 20s; especially all the fun that I missed out on. This explains why I’m still doing The Asian Bachelor thing even though I have a girlfriend right now; maybe I’m Peter Pan.

Being The Good Son – I’m the male oldest so I have a obligation to take care of my mom as she gets older. I do stress about the financial responsibility of doing so. I worry often about how to balance out caring for her, having something for myself, and being able to finance a wedding, home, and security for my life partner. I’ve mentally dictated that it is more important to prioritize family before any potential spouse. I sometimes think that maybe it’s better if I just wait till my mom passes and then I will be financially able to get married.

Divorce – It’s terrible that I have to think about divorce and marriage in the same thought.  However, divorce is indeed a huge fear for me. I’ve known people that have gone through divorce, it’s well published in the media all the time, and my parents are no longer together. In The True Facts About Divorce In The US, it is stated that “Paul Amato, a top divorce rate researcher, believes that between 42% and 45% of marriages in the US will end in divorce …” So 58% to 55% of marriages will be success respectively. Those percentages do not look that great to me. I’m one of those guys that wants to stay happily married ONCE. If my dating life is an example, I’m fearful that my marriage life will lead to the same outcomes. Sometimes I see The Asian Bachelor life as the more viable option.

At the end of the day, these are my hang ups that I have to get through myself. Whether I will or not, only time can tell. It won’t be an easy road ahead, but I always believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I’ll eventually get married. I hope everyone finds that special person that they can love for the rest of their lives. Make sure you keep a fresh supply of roses because that lucky guy or gal will appreciate it once you give it to them.

I do not pretend to know all the answers in life. If you got some to share with me or would like to tell me your story, you can always email me at therelationshipodcast@gmail.com.  Don’t worry, I’m a huge advocate of Podcast Host/Listener confidentiality; I maybe able to learn something for myself.

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1.08 The Don’t Suck At Life: Go Down On Your Girl

Go down on your woman, fellas.  Even the Bible tells you to do so “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” –Luke 6:31.  Yeah, I’m probably going to hell for this.

As early as last week, it was reported that DJ Khaled Said He Won’t Go Down on His Wife. Per Men’s Health, “He [DJ Khaled] then added that while he ‘never’ goes down on his wife, he expects her to fellate him on the reg nonetheless: ‘It’s different rules for men,’ he said. You gotta understand, we the king …”  WOW.  So not only does he not pleasure his wife in that matter, he’s extremely chauvinistic.  Major fail alert!!

My throbbing stance is if you receive, you must give it as well.  Put in another matter, if someone is kind to you, you would show a similar degree of kindness back, right?  I am advocate of cunniligus and here is why:

Women Don’t Always Orgasm During Sex – According to the article The Most Important Sexual Statistic, “Only one-quarter of women reliably experience orgasm during intercourse-no matter how long it lasts, no matter what size the man’s penis, and no matter how the woman feels about the man or the relationship.”  That means there are 75% of women that do not orgasm.  If the statistics were reversed for men, we would be quite unhappy, would we not?  Per Michael Castleman of the same article, “It’s perfectly normal for women not to have orgasms during intercourse. Most women need direct clitoral stimulation to experience orgasm. They don’t get it during intercourse because the clitoris is located outside the vagina and a few inches above it under the top junction of the vaginal lips. Intercourse simply does not provide enough direct clitoral stimulation to allow most women to become aroused enough to have orgasms.”  Major key is to play with your women’s clitoris with your tongue more frequently.

Happy Wife, Happy Life – Jeane Bryner, author of For Women, Sex and Happiness Go Hand-in-Hand, states that “Women who are sexually satisfied are also happier, no matter their age, a new study suggests. It’s not clear which causes the other, however.” In the article What Sexual Satisfaction Really Means To 6 Women, one of the women explains sexual satisfaction “Sexual satisfaction is a well-received and sought-after form of communication. To me, sexual satisfaction is a conversation of love. When my man makes it a point to do the things he knows I like, to ask what feels good, and to make the conversation two-sided, I am satisfied. I am motivated to reciprocate this for him …”  The motivated to reciprocate for him part is the major key.

Sexual Satisfaction and Good Relationships – There is a divide of whether a good relationship leads to sexual satisfaction or sexual satisfaction leads to good relationships.  However, my opinion is as long as both are good then it doesn’t matter which comes before the other.  In Sexual Satisfaction: Highly Valued, Poorly Understood, Noam Shpancer states “… the findings paint a clear picture: sexual satisfaction goes hand in hand with good relationships. People in more intimate relationship, with good communication and mutual support, experience greater sexual satisfaction. In the context of relationships, sexual assertiveness (the ability to stand your ground, establish clear boundaries, clarify what you want and need in sex, what works for you and what doesn’t) predicts increased satisfaction. In addition, partners who have similar personalities tend to experience greater sexual satisfaction. Birds of a feather flock together, happily.” Your tongue is the key to unlock a good relationship.

In my opinion, DJ Khaled is missing out and sadly so is his wife. Nothing brings a couple more closer to each other than to be able to get off with each other.  So be a good man and swaddle her sashimi especially if she makes an effort to give your penis a car wash.  It all leads to good things.  You are happy.  She is happy.  Two fully satisfied people lead to a happy couple, right? DJ Khaled talks about “If you holding it down for your woman I feel like the woman should praise. And a man should praise the queen.” Praise your queen with beautiful words, but also titillate her with your mouth … and tongue.

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1.07 The Don’t Suck At Life: Fronting & Social Media

Fronting & Social Media: Like everyone else, I love social media.  It’s cool to see what people are up to especially those you don’t see or talk to on a regular basis.  It is also very amusing what people post about their lives.  The downside of social media is what people post about their lives.  Sometimes I scroll through my Facebook newsfeed and shake my head.  It’s pretty awesome.

Here are my top favorite things:

I’m going to … – I love these self declarations because 98% of you don’t follow through.

  • Lose weight – Nope.  I see your food posts and the portion size is 2x what you should be eating. Congrats on the gym membership, but you look the same several months later.  Being fit is a LIFEstyle; it’s not a short term thing.  I also see your thirst level and the bartender is winning.
  • Stop drinking – Haha, nice try and “famous last words.”  2 days later you post yourself with drinks in hand with the hashtag LIT. Everyone is tempted with a good time so there is no need to front about it.
  • Get off social media – Everyone that talks about getting off social media almost always has come back.  Truth of the matter is you are lurking in the background.  You enjoy all the “likes” and praise you receive from friend’s and others.  I can’t totally blame you because social media is a psychological trap.

My life is the greatest – I’m not a hater of people’s success.  I use it motivate myself to better myself and hopefully it leads to success in my own right.  However, when people are so in your face about it, it is annoying.  I always stay humble about the goals I have reached and I don’t typically make it known to the world.  The bragging is not what I am about which is probably why it bothers me.  The worst is those that brag about their lives when their lives aren’t really that successful or happy.  I know a few dudes that brag about where they are at or with once or twice a year and they stay dormant for the remainder of the year.  Come on, you don’t have to lie to kick it.  Stop fronting.

Inspirational Quotes ‘R Us – I like a good inspirational quote once in awhile.  If you are a motivational speaker, life coach, or someone that practices what you preach then I can understand if you do.  However, 99% of us are not so you spamming inspirational quotes multiple times in a day is not helping your cause.  You have become annoying.  You know that most of us consider whom is sharing the quote, right?  Yes, credibility matters.  If you are not successful and you keep posting success quotes, what does that say about you?  If you post quotes about good relationships yet are single, is that a good look?  Credibility = talk matching actions.  “Stop fronting” –John L.

Airing out dirty laundry – I cringe, but at the same time I love it.  There is always a certain type of person that does this.  Yeah, you know who they are.  Shit, it might be you.  It’s the person that needs confirmation from the world that they’ve been wronged and are the victim.  The moment they post their rant I’ve already pre-judged that they probably fucked up somehow and is looking for a way to spin themselves the victim.  These are the types that nothing they do is wrong; they are always the one’s being wronged.  Give it up, you are fronting.

I really want to tell everyone to stop it, but then I would have nothing to amuse myself with.  Here is the thing, why pretend and just be real.  What you posts always comes back to bite you in the ass anyways.  The Internet is transparent that way and people can figure you out pretty quickly (especially if they can scroll back to your history).  I feel that most of the above is just a cry for attention.  I get it; everybody wants to be “popular” amongst the masses, but to the lengths to be someone you are not.  If you try to be something you are not, then what or who are you really?  I don’t know and only you can answer that question for yourself.

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1.06 The Don’t Suck At Life: Love Your Family

Remember to always love your family. My aunt passed away on Thursday, March 12, 2018. She was laid to rest on Wednesday, March 18, 2018. Auntie Wang is survived by her son and daughter.

As a child, I had fond memories of her and my cousin visiting us in the states. I remember taking road trips together; showing them the Grand Canyon and Las Vegas back in the 80’s. Auntie Wang was my mom’s oldest sister and she was always kind and nice to me as a child. My mom would tell me stories of how Auntie Wang would babysit me when I was a little.

Auntie Wang was my only connection to the country that I was born in. I remember in the early 2000s my dad took me back because I have never gone back since I was born. My dad had to run errands so her and I spent some time together. Auntie Wang wanted to show me around town and it was the greatest adventures of my life.

Mopeds – If none of you are familiar with Taiwan, they have a lot of mopeds. When she told me to hop on, I had deep reservations. All I can think is “Auntie is +60 years old and how is she going to safely drive me around … in THAT.” I can tell you it was the best time of my life. It was a thrill zipping around busy streets while dodging buses, cars, and other moped drivers. It’s a memory that I can see and feel to this day.

Street Food – Like most Asian relatives, you know how much they want to push food on you. Auntie Wang was no different. She constantly asked me what I wanted to eat. I always tried to stay polite and not state what I wanted because I didn’t want to be a hassle. So finally, I gave in. I requested fried pork cutlet and beef jerky. Auntie Wang brought back 2 HUGE fried pork cutlets and whole variety of jerky. Oh man, they were so good too! The jerky was bomb too and I left Taiwan with all of it in my stomach.

Restroom Break – Auntie Wang and I had been out for 4 to 5 hours. I needed to use the restroom. Unfortunately, public restrooms are not widely. She pointed just pointed me to a random door. I went upstairs and it was a drinking house with tons of women. OMG, they do exist!! I asked one of the pretty waitresses in my broken Taiwanese where the bathroom was. When I walked out of the building, I was a little sad that I could not stay longer. Thanks for the tease, Auntie.

When someone passes, you always wish you could of spent more time with them. I wish I wasn’t so selfish living my life; now she is gone.

Where am I going with this? I think I wrote this because it helps me grieve. The more important thing is to never forget the family that loves you and have been there for you from day 1. We all get busy with whatever is happening in our lives that we sometimes take family for granted. If any of you are fortunate to have extended family, make sure you tell them you love them as often as you can. Because sadly, you might not get a chance again.

Your sparkle will never fade. We’ll always think of you as you shine bright in the night sky. Love you always, Auntie.

If you want to contact me or TheRelationshiPodcast, you can e-mail me/us.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

You can find us on multiple Social Media outlets: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, and Patreon.

Due to the nature of this column I will not be able to provide audio.  Appreciate you for understanding.

1.05 The Don’t Suck at Life: Is It A Date Or A Meet Up?

Is a Date a Date?  Apparently, not today.  So after production of The Challenging Dating Landscape of Today (S2.Episode 9), Ryan said that people refer to a date as a meet up now.  WTF, right?  I found this to be such an odd thing; the red flag has been raised.  So this is my take on the whole thing.  But be on the lookout for First Dates or First Meet Ups, What Is It Really In 2018? (pending S2.Episode 11) that Ryan will be hosting.

  • This is a confirmed date – (1) When you ask him/her out, (2) When you both confirm a date, time, and place to meet, and (3) When you actually have this date (both parties present).
  • This is NOT a confirmed date – It is never a date until you ask, confirm, and actually go on this date (see This is confirmed date).

Meeting via a dating app – This is a no brainer.  If you guys met through a dating app then it is always a date.  Let me explain.  YOU MET THROUGH A DATING APP.  No one goes on dating apps to make friends or hobby buddies.  However, it is possible that after the date(s) you discover you mutually prefer to be a friends rather than romantic interests.  So I don’t think I need to explain any further because this is fairly obvious.  By the way, how much time you spent with them does not matter.  It can be 2 minutes to 6 hours, it is a date no matter what in this context; never a meet up.

Meeting via mutual friends – Many of you have met your significant others in this manner; me included..  It can be a bit ambiguous here depending on your action or lack of action; so I can see where there can be confusion between “meet up” and “date.”  Here is what you need to do to make it less ambiguous:

  • Ask him/her out – Once you do that, it is quite obvious what your intentions are.  Let me coach you.  Say “You and I should go out on a romantic date.  Say YES.”  If they say yes, than you know they have possible romantic interest in you and want to see where it goes.  If they say no, then they were probably wack anyways.  Just kidding, but maybe I wasn’t.
  • DO NOT USE “Hangout” or “meet up” when you ask – If you use those terms to ask them out, the other person will be confused whether it is date or not–maybe wonder if you are serious.  If you are trying to seek a potential relationship, that is definitely not what you want.  You have to be crystal clear that you want romantic intentions; not friendship.

Red Flag – So in the beginning, I mentioned that people that use “meet up” is kind of a red flag for me, especially when it is done intentionally.  It sounds like they commitment issues or they are just playing the field.  They use those terms in case they get turned down so it wouldn’t bruise their ego.  Plus, if they were “seeing” multiple people, he/she would not have to admit to “dating” other people if they were asked–for fear of being canceled on (aka more bruised egos).  It just feels underhanded and dishonest in my mind.  I feel this way because I’ve heard of plethora of dating horror stories with shady characters.  For me, it wouldn’t be a deal breaker, but I would be very cautious.  I am also bit sad that something like this needs to be covered as an issue; a date vs meet up.

Summary:

  • If you met on a dating app, it’s always a date.
  • To avoid any ambiguity, be clear of your romantic intentions and ask them out.
  • Use “date” when you ask; not “hangout” or “meet up.”
  • You are only hurting your potential and credibility when you use those terms.
  • If you want someone, take action and risk.  Nothing is achieved by doing nothing.

Suggested podcast listening:
Friend (Ship) Defined vs. Friend (Zone) Entered (S1E4)
Ambiguity In A Relationship, Do You Navigate The Fog Or Abandon All Hope? (S2E3)

If you want to contact me or TheRelationshiPodcast, you can e-mail me/us.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

You can find us on multiple Social Media outlets: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, and Patreon.

Audio version is below.

1.04 The Don’t Suck at Life: Where Should We Eat?

I personally am not picky at what and where I eat at. There is always something on the menu that I can consume and be content with. However, the female gender is a finicky creature. “Most” women consider themselves to be “foodies” [*eye roll*] aka food snobs. Don’t hate because you know it’s true. The XX gender believe they have a more refined palate and they must make the dining experience exquisite but very Instagram worthy as well.

So guys I’m here to provide you pro tips on how to make the choice of a restaurant as less excruciating as possible. Everyone knows when your significant other tells you she is hungry and the dreaded “Where should we eat?” comes up. Depending on how “refined” your babe is the process of choosing a place to dine can be quick or lead to white boarding the choices with Pros and Cons. Hopefully, my tips can help the process become more efficient and lead to eating.

Let’s not get it twisted. The choice will NOT be YOURS, guys. Women always win out in the end.

Dining Emergency List – If you have ever been in a relationship, the “Where should we eat?” always comes up.  So like an earthquake, you must be prepared. You will need to have 6 places pre-selected in your memory banks. If you bookmark them on Yelp that will help tremendously. Plus, when she sees you looking on your phone it gives the impression you are trying. You should always have 3 places where YOU enjoy eating at. You will also need to have 3 places SHE enjoys eating at.

The First Response – This is a VERY critical moment. Your first answer as well as your nonverbal cues matter.  (1) As soon as she asks, you MUST reply immediately, (2) Look her dead in the eyes, (3) Say with confidence, “WE are going to Popeye’s Chicken for some bomb fried chicken, honey cakes” [Obviously, you insert one of the 6 memorized places you chose], (4) DON’T YOU DARE BREAK EYE CONTACT till she says “Yes.” It is important to note point (3) when I emphasized “WE are going …” You are taking charge of the situation and have made a executive decision; some women like their men to handle it. Now if you had given an answer as a question (ie. Can we go to Popeye’s Chicken?) then you are giving her an option to say “Yes” or “No.” By making the choice for her, you are taking the “No” option out.

The Counter Proposal – If she says okay from the The First Response, you are golden. More often than not, there will be a counter offer. If she does not like your first choice (or the other 5), the memory banks will be going into overdrive in her head. She will likely counter with another restaurant option. If she provides an alternative restaurant then you have reached the finish line. Restaurant picked and it’s time to shovel food down your throat.  Gooooaaaaaaaaaalllll!!

In my relationship experience, this can be applicable to business as well, when you quickly put an option on the table; people are more likely to take quicker actions on it. By submitting a solution, it forces the other party to decide to (1) go along with it or (2) come up with a solution of their own. The quicker you initiate action, the quicker the ball gets rolling. You are welcome.

If you want to contact me or TheRelationshiPodcast, you can e-mail me/us.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

You can find us on multiple Social Media outlets: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, and Patreon.

Audio version is below.