The Future Of Love, Moving For Love, Feeling Vulnerable – S3E61

The Future Of Love, Moving For Love, Feeling Vulnerable

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In podcast episode 61, we continue our 3 Topics 1 Podcast format. John wants to discuss the future of love, Andrey revisits Ross & Rachel regarding the motivation to move for another partner, and Ryan reviews vulnerability.

The Future Of Love, Moving For Love, Feeling Vulnerable Outline

If you want to be a guest on TheRelationshiPodcast please send us an e-mail.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

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This is the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”

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Shuffle Around Life: Chapter 7 (2, 6, 2); From Italy to Home to Mid-Life equals More Transitions

 

Hello Everyone,

I know it’s been a while since my last entry of the TRP Shuffle Around life, but if you’ve been keeping up with me via Social Media you know I’ve been off the map and enjoying the good life. Europe was amazing but traveling from within pre-Brexit was not entirely easy. I look forward to returning to some spots hopefully in the distant future.

What you don’t see however is the behind the scenes work that not only goes into my daily routines but some of the side projects I’ve been building since I’ve last shared about my life.

To begin, one of the critical decisions I made in my life is to leave a job of stability. Although I learned and established myself at a place, I knew there was more to the world that I wanted to grasp. I made the conscious decision to leave for reasons that I’d like to keep to myself. I learned a lot (both personally and professionally) but I knew it was my time to go. In a previous podcast episode we discussed life transitions (for you 20-30 year olds, you might want to take a listen).  There are several transitional periods for me that are occurring at the moment:

  • Transition of Work
  • Transition of Household Role
  • Transition of Purpose

Let’s start with work…

It was a difficult decision but leaving work was the best thing that ever happened to me. I came from the school of thought that you shouldn’t quit no matter what. However to have the opportunity to finally quit without any strings attached seemed too good to be true (initially). In the days leading up to my departure, I made peace with everything that was bottled up inside. For anyone going through this currently, you will feel a piece of ownership lost. Fear not, because that sense of renewal is right around the corner and sometimes in places you least expect.

During my time away from the office, I wanted to re-align with what mattered most to me and that was my health (and loved ones). There are two forks in the road that will determine the next 10-20 years of my life. I’ve come to the conclusion that once these decisions are solidified, it is the point of no return.

Which leads to a significant piece of the puzzle I’ve left out, the support pillars in one’s life. I don’t care if you have a vast network or nobody to rely on. At some point, we’ll all need help and one of the biggest blessings is to have someone to support you at critical moments like these. Without my current girlfriend, a few friends and some living family left, I don’t know what would happen next.

When you’re so used to your daily routines to point of ad nauseam, you can’t really fathom what an alternative reality would actually look like. I have to count my blessings and even there was a certain point where I wanted to give up a key part of who I was, even those you least expect would give you a sign to press forward:

inspiration by an influencer
For those not familiar, this is a very special person who heavily inspired my work in this craft since day one…

Household Role

When you grow up, you will have many changes of this role. One of them at some point will be head of household. You will realize how much of a burden it is to become an adult, a working one, occasionally short changed, and probably overworked. In some cases this role change is applied to your family dynamics. For my own, it shifted drastically in a matter of months. It took getting used to but I feel at peace with where I’m currently at. I’m taking a day at a time, to do my part and work towards contributing to the overall mission of the household.

Purpose: It isn’t always obvious, you will weave in and out of whatever you deem as “purposeful” in your life. Sometimes your guiding north can be deceiving, in that what once provided you purpose slowly created burden (or depression). Similarly to the work stuff, purpose was slowly being removed from my life in an interesting manner. You feel less human or rather less of a cog, but then you also don’t feel fulfilled even when you hav no more levers to push. We all feel a certain way, when purpose evolves or strays away from our core identity. For myself, I will hold onto this creative side of purpose. l know this part of my writing, may seem cryptic, weird, and probably unorthodox. However that’s what this article theme is served up for, a shuffle, into hopefully something greater…

 

 

Another Session Of The TRP Love Advice Column – S3E57

Another Session Of The TRP Love Advice Column

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TRP listener and friend, “Ross,” contacted the TRP a few weeks ago. Ross needed love advice regarding someone he loves and could see himself spending the rest of his life with. His issues are topics that the TRP have discussed before, but in real life issues tend be multilayered. The TRP doctors attempt to provide love advice issue by issue.

Another Session Of The TRP Love Advice Column Outline

In Ross’s words …

I’m in love with a girl. We have been in a long-distance relationship for a year now; “Rachel” lives in West Virginia and I reside in California. I met her at my cousin’s wedding; her best friend married my cousin. We fell hard for each at their wedding and our relationship blossomed soon after that. We traveled to be with each other as much as we could from that point on.

However, the long-distance was taking a toll on our relationship. We had discussions regarding moving to be with each other, but it does not seem right for us right now. Rachel does not want to leave her family in West Virginia; though she does not rule out doing so in the future. It would be difficult for me to leave California because I have a home here and also my dog. This really bummed me out because I was confident we would be married within a year’s time if one of us did move.

Sometime in February, I freaked out. We ended up mutually agreeing to breaking up. I felt like I was being impulsive and did not completely think it through. At the time, I thought we should break up because one of us will eventually get hurt as the long-distance takes its toll.

A month later, I still feel Rachel is the greatest woman I’ve come across. I consider myself to be a macho man and don’t express my feelings very well. I reached out recently to express myself because I do not want to give up on what we have. It takes two people to work it out. Rachel told me she is in pain about how things were and are now. Am I being dumb? I feel in my heart this is The One and I’m afraid of being 80 years old on my deathbed regretting just saying bye.

Is it illogical or stupid to carry on then, without a plan at the moment? Love is love, and sometimes it punches you in the gut. It’s been a wild ride and my therapist asked me if I regret it. I’m willing to continue the long-distance relationship even though I know it will be tough. I’ll have to see what she says.

If you want to be a guest on TheRelationshiPodcast please send us an e-mail.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

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This is the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”

The Doctor Wants To Know If You Have The Disney Syndrome? – S3E54

The Doctor Wants To Know If You Have The Disney Syndrome?

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Dr. Drey, TRP in-house doctor, has been dying to talk about the “Disney Syndrome” again. The Disney Syndrome is the result of overexposure to fantasy. The infected cannot determine the lines between fantasy and reality. In relationships, this is known as the hopeless romantic. We all know friend(s) that have the Disney Syndrome. Some people find it endearing, but is it really healthy to be overly romantic? Before we get into that, let’s cover some other ground first.

The Doctor Wants To Know If You Have The Disney Syndrome? Outline

If you want to be a guest on TheRelationshiPodcast please send us an e-mail.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

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This is the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”

Shuffle Around Life: Chapter 6 (Q, 7, 7), The Real TRP Single Life Ending and Transitional Period

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello TRP crew, it’s been a hot minute. Since the past couple of podcast episodes, I’ve been alluding to this idea of being happy with someone new. In the original series, I thought the person I met earlier, would be the one I would build a relationship with. Sadly, it was a false positive and like most video games they usually have a bad ending and a “true ending.” I’m now presenting you the events leading to the true ending of the Single Life (and I guess the revised expanded version of the Shuffle Around Life)…

*September 2018*

I wrote what would’ve been the final chapter of the TRP Single Life. Started dating someone, I thought I could build a relationship with. We did the usual stuff like any couple, discuss work, had dinner dates, and contemplated about the future. There were moments where all this stuff, felt very comfortable. On autumn afternoon after a particular festival we parted ways. I felt a bit weird about this recent meetup, maybe it was the “dating spider sense” people usually have before the inevitable break up occurs.

One day of not talking turned into two, then a week, and eventually almost two months. I was ghosted on, confused, and literally didn’t know what to say or feel. I shouldn’t be surprised, many of the previous dates left with a similar impression. The outcome of the relationship and the impact it had on my thinking lingered for a bit. I thought to myself. “How was this any different?” It gave me a lot to think about and my professional life also started competing in my daily priorities….

*October 2018/November 2018*

Between Halloween to the First of November was a strange time. I knew I was back in the market (single once more) we had done a few more episodes, one on Indecisiveness and the other on the 5 Love Languages. While finishing production on these episodes, it got me thinking of the elements in this last one that was full of nonsense. Out of nowhere a phone call rung frantically one evening, I didn’t recognize the number and let it go to voicemail. It was her “The Fake Ending aka The Ghoster” she nonchalantly reintroduced herself and began going on a diatribe about how she thought about this and that, because of some “false positive” test results she got due to her work environment issues and more. I refused to entertain it, I merely responded, “You didn’t give me the time of day and I’m over it.” I blocked her number, deleted all of the pictures and moved on with my life.

For the first time, in a while I was ready to give up the search completely. I looked over contingency plans, in the event certain milestone events didn’t happen in my life. It was time to go to Plan C and so it began, in the meantime during my professional life, everything was busier than ever…

*November 2018-December 2018*

My birthday occurred, had a nice little getaway to the East Coast, hung out with friends and worked through the holidays. It was at this moment, I began to let go of any expectation settling down. There were more important things to worry about and the next several months were a good indicator of that. After Christmas and well into the New Year one of the things, I began to think more about was my immediate future. Whether or not living in my current place was the way to go or I needed to move elsewhere. Either way these weren’t easy decisions and the next chapter of my life proved to be the most difficult (and ambiguous one) to live up after just yet…

*January 2019*

Literally four months after, I decided to slowly ease my way back into the dating world once more, going through the motions. At this point when you reach your 30s, dating priorities shift for many people. You’re over the whole idea of chasing the ideal mate, you have a bit more practicality. As a guy, you’re literally at in the range of folks who are starting to realize who they are personally and professionally. Mid 20s-Mid 30s, people are also looking to settle down and not try to bog down with the whole mentality of “playing games.” Everyone is a bit more aggressive in their dating search (especially those who desire kids), this isn’t something to be taken lightly because of the biological factors that come into play. More people also start giving less fucks, because you’re too tired to please everyone and you want to be content for yourself (and those supportive around you). I was content and I had a somewhat steady life, that is until one fateful night. It started out like any other night, got home from work, was watching Youtube and then a possibility to meet someone new. Sure enough, one hour got into two and the rest of the evening flew by….

When date #2 came around, things were a bit more different. The stakes felt higher and the emotions ran deep (no this isn’t a euphemism for sex John in case you’re reading) and slowly I realize this is what it feels like to truly find someone you’re compatible with. At the moment, I didn’t know what else to expect but to go with the flow in the chain of events and afterwards…

*Fast Forward to Present Day*

We’re both pretty happy with one another, we’ve discussed a lot in the short amount of time and have taken strides to getting to know each other on a deeper and more emotional level as each day passes. It still feels pretty surreal looking back after everything. This is only the beginning and within the past four months so much has shifted. She’s been quite the supportive lady and has helped me built a new definition of what an adult foundation would look like. We have many more days/weeks/years, to learn about one another but if there’s one thing I’m grateful for, it’s this second opportunity to make things work. Thank you sweetie for everything that you do and I looking forward to learning and growing with you, each and every step of the way.

-R.M.

 

1.13 The Don’t Suck At Life: Do You Fix Someone A Plate?

Do You Fix Someone A Plate

I am surprised about so many things you learn in life. Caviar, my girl friend from The Bay, asked me about Plate Fixin’. I was clueless since that term can mean anything; fine China, earthquakes, fixing your teeth etc. She sent me to ESPN where Michael Smith & Jemele Hill have a podcast about this subject matter (Plate Fixin’). I never got around to listening to it.

This past weekend, Caviar and Punto (homey from Las Vegas) visited me and I followed up with her about it. Plate Fixin’ premise is when a couple goes to a BBQ or dinner party and his woman doesn’t want to fix her man a plate of food. A woman, who neither of them knows, offers to make a food plate for him. It seems harmless, right? But then you starting reaching into the dark corners of your mind and these questions come up:

  • Is this random woman trying to be nice or is there an ulterior motive?
  • Should the woman be offended that another woman is fixing her man a plate?
  • Is the dude thinking that the woman is flirting?
  • Would I be mad if another man was feeding my woman?
  • Is this code for “Do you want some pussy [or dick]?”

I’m amazed that this is a “THING” that we need to discuss because it seems so trivial. The funny part in the podcast is that Michael Smith said the people who worry about this are not likely in relationships (“petty” was used several times). I would agree with him.

Caviar brought up a real life scenario in her life. She and her boyfriend once visited a friend of hers. The guy friend was driving them around; Caviar sitting in shotgun and her boyfriend in back. The driver was starving so he stopped to grab take out. To make it to their destination in a timely manner, the driver requested Caviar feed him while he drove. She said she got a earful from her boyfriend later on. He brought up “How do you think it makes me feel watching you feed another man?” Needless to say the relationship did not last (his loss).

I’ll let you all gather your thoughts while you marinate on that. I cannot speak for everyone else, but I will answer some of these questions for myself.

Q1 – Is this random woman trying to be nice or is there an ulterior motive?
A1 – I think 99.99% of the time the person is being nice. There is no ulterior motive.

Q2 – Should the woman be offended that another woman is fixing her man a plate?
A2 – If she is insecure with herself, she is plotting your death. If she is secure with herself, no.

Q3 – Is the dude thinking that the woman is flirting?
A3 – Absolutely!! Dudes think EVERYONE is flirting with them, but they are really not. Sorry to burst your bubble, but maybe with me??

Q4 – Would I be mad if another man was feeding my woman?
A4 – This would never happen because I would always make my woman a plate if she requested it. But in a scenario where I have two broken arms, I would be fine if another man makes my woman a plate. Or if she was at a party without me and another man giver her food; I would be okay too. My woman knows what’s in my heart … and my pants. When I say pants, I mean my dick. #DickEnergy

Q5 – Is this code for “Do you want some pussy [or dick]?”
A5 – If you believe Chris Rock, then YES!! Other than that people are just being friendly. Don’t see more into than there needs to be.

The second part of the Plate Fixin’ podcast was about a list of advice that a father recently gives to his son. The one relevant advice is “You can tell the size of a man by the size of things that bother him.” If you are worried about Plate Fixin’ or your woman feeding another man then that speaks volumes about you. Nothing is more unattractive and a relationship burden than jealousy and insecurity. Michael Smith said it right earlier, if this is an issue for you then it’s likely you are not in a relationship. I’ll take it further, you are not ready for a relationship. If you are worried about small petty things, you are not ready to face REAL relationship problems. Secure people understand the big picture of relationships. Take some time to think about that.

I hope you enjoyed this column and please make sure to Don’t Suck At Life!! AND, I have no problems fixing a plate for you and your armless boyfriend.

If you want to be a guest on TheRelationshiPodcast please send us an e-mail.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

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Shuffle Around Life: Chapter 4 (2, Q, 4), Dating App Tips Series: Hinge and the Holiday Season

What’s up everyone and welcome to Part 2 of our DAT TRP Series. We already covered OkCupid so if you’re curious about the issue you can click here or work your way from the Beginning of the Shuffle Around Life series.

Hinge is an app that was popularized in New York, gained traction in LA and slowly crept and crawled throughout the country. One of the key differences with this app compared to OkCupid is it’s minimalist settings. Originally you had to sync your Facebook account in order to “acquire the friends of friends network aka your prospective dating pool” to see what you’re working with. As of the writing of this article, you can now sign up with just an email. You can do either way, however for me I started with Sync’ing my own FB account and went from there.

When you first start you need to set your Preferences, who are you interested in (are you interested in the same sex, opposite sex, or you like to grab from both genders). Unfortunately for certain LGBT individuals this may be off putting. Afterwards you need to turn on Location Settings because you need to “Claim your hood.” Then you have to set all the other demographic data: Age Range, Maximum Distance and more. One of the key features that stand out as a filter is the “Is this a Dealbreaker?”

If you’re one of those people that likes to sample the entire world’s buffet, then never turn on that option. However if Religion, Maximum Distance (which only covers 100 miles, talk about limited parameters) and more are truly important for you, then by all means switch on and indicate “It is a Dealbreaker?” It will be marked with ‘Dealbreaker’ in the preference setting, so you can set it and forget it. Now me personally, unlike OkCupid you cannot filter by fitness preferences (seems superficial and probably better for overall user experience) but for those of us who want someone a bit more active, than average (and that’s not asking much) this is one of my few qualms about it. One other thing to note is, while OkCupid still has a slant (no pun intended) to favor Caucasian Males and Asian Females. This app caters to a similar audience (it’s not to throw shade it’s the facts), so if you love Basic Becky/Techies (70%) then you’re probably in Nirvana. There are a portion of Minority Females but the breakdown before I placed my filters were (20% Asian and 5-10% Latino/Hispanic or African American given your geographic location). You don’t have to fill out everything but you should definitely address everything, if you want to take this thing seriously. Your mileage may vary and as an Asian-American male my experience is much more unique than let’s say someone who is Caucasian or African-American. When thinking about how you want to convey yourself to your dating prospects be mindful to:

It’s very important to setup your profile sections, you need to optimize: six pictures, three answer prompts, seven virtues, eight vitals, four vices, and the option of syncing your Instagram (sounds like the 12 days of Christmas song, doesn’t it?). I’ll break it down by each section mentioned:

Six Pictures

You have six pictures to make an ideal impression on your would-be prospect. I’ve seen both my friend’s profiles and some acquaintances. If you don’t like taking pictures either befriend (or pay) for professional photography headshots. If you’re crafty (or gutsy like I was), you can have someone take them for you and take a chance. For my recommendations you should have a split, three photos of you: One clear headshot, one full body shot, and one action shot (pick your ideal activity: climbing, racing, dancing, etc.) The other three, should showcase your personality/interests: Do you like dogs, have a specific passion, have an “urge” to travel (which is very common in dating apps)?

Once you pick those photos you can put it in order, now there’s another three ways you can break this out:

  1. Treat your dating profile like a page from your life story, infographic style and easy to follow, top to bottom
  2. While creating PR highlights about yourself in between the snippet

Three Answer Prompts

English majors, Hinge will make you shine so hard, it’s not even funny (maybe even OkCupid), very few know how to entertain those with a tap of the keyboard. In any event, if you’re a man of few words, use your concise language effectively. My recommendations are: Two Truths/One Lie (if you live an interesting life, are a good liar, entertaining storyteller, or all of the above), I’m looking for (you can be as blunt or witty, e.g. I like tongue and cheeks…. tongue twisters and baby cheeks to pinch, you pervert), & Ideal first date (to set the tone of the first encounter).

Seven Virtues

This is your personal/impersonal background. You don’t have to give out your life story like a business card, of the seven, I would say: Work, Job Title, and Education Level are the most important. A tie for forth is Religious Beliefs/Politics, if that truly matters to you.

Eight Vitals

These are your sports stats, get ready to flex (or not flex) your biological prowess. As for the important ones in this list: Gender, Age, Height, Ethnicity, Family Plans and Location. If you’re concerned about stalking safety (yes ladies, it happens to guys as well), then change your Location setting to what’s reasonable and within the area you’d like to be. Just note, if you place yourself into some “perceived rich metropolitan area” you could be cat fishing those along, who might be looking for a lifestyle that doesn’t equate to your standards. 

My Four Vice

This particular section is all about which vices resonate or deal break the entire experience. Do you sip, get lit, hit the bong, or go off the grid?

Instagram feed Syncing is optional. If you decide to sync it, think of it like your first pictures but people will be able to “Hinge comment or  heart like” (I’ll explain this in a bit). your photos via IG (up to the most recent 27 entries). Again, think of these recent entries as part of “What’s going on in my Social Media life recently?”

***

Now that your profile is set you’re ready to engage. When you encounter a profile, you’ll see their name in the top left corner. And you’ll begin to notice the choices people make on their photos, prompts, and etc. The heart icons enable you to “like” a specific part of that profile (why I encouraged optimizing your profile from the beginning). While scrolling top-bottom you’ll see a pink-red ‘X’ notating you can outright reject the current profile (a swipe left in Tinder/OkCupid land) and movie onto the next. If you did your due diligence, once you like this person and they review your awesome profile, they’ll like you back and “maybe comment'” about whatever picture or content you wrote about.

Like most dating websites, there are stereotypes both regionally/nationally/globally about genders. For instance,  women on dating apps “love to travel” (I get it, you have not only disposable income but you’d also like to explore a buffet of men and destinations before settling down, men feel the same way). Whereas guys love to “Rock Climb, go Camping, Racing, or “Raving.” etc. Pick your poison and if you want to make it a drinking game, play dating app bingo and see how many stereotypes you come across. Also note, didn’t realize women we’re already ahead of the curve, case in point (however the insecurities of putting dating effort into the app, definitely hit her hard) as well as a few others who came into this realization.

Overall, you get what you put into any experience and dating apps are no exception to this rule. Sure, there are some things you might want to hold back on your first few dates. However over time people will eventually see if you’re worthwhile or not, which I stumbled upon content creator George Bruno and his timely video here, said this in his script “Women marry a lifestyle, a man marries a body.” 

This really hit close to home because as I get older, I do fear in some respects that could be a possibility. And with the advent of Social Media, more and more people are “conforming/settling” for a specific lifestyle, I wonder why that may be the case? Side note aside, Hinge as a dating app (like everything else in the market) gives you an opportunity to meet new people. Some of you are expecting 100% effectiveness with these tips, unfortunately it may not work for some of you at all. I’m merely sharing my experience because I had to learn the hard way, there were no resources for Asian-American males and the things that were taught to me, didn’t apply (or I didn’t have the “model look” to pull it off like some of my peers LOL).  

All I do hope is whether it’s this holiday season, you’re trying to get an extra ‘snack’ to stay warm with or are truly looking for something meaningful. I hope these few tidbits can help you one step closer in your journey to happiness. Merry Christmahanukwanzaa to all and The Relationship Podcast will be ready to ring in 2019 with a brand new season! Thank you for the support as always and take care, the only single guy on the panel signing off!

-R.M. 2018 DAT TRP

 

Shuffle Around Life: Chapter 3 (7, 6, 5), Dating App Tips Series: OkCupid and More

Here’s my explanation for this long-overdue Chapter, I wanted to create a bit more coherence between posts (beyond Cartomancy and the general theme of top, middle, and bottom) and introduce a small mini series called Dating App Tips The RelationshiPodcast Series (or DAT TRP)

This series is a build up to the Dating Project I mentioned a few episodes back and I’ll start with a semi-popular and somewhat relevant app of today, OkCupid. There are many reviews of this app, you can read Mashable’s, Ask Men’s, or Dating Scout’s version. However my review is different because I will share with you the few tips you need to have the most optimal experience. One other thing to keep in mind, this is coming from a heterosexual minority (Asian-American) male so your experience and mileage may vary.

Let’s get started!

Unlike Tinder and Bumble what sets this specific app apart is the long form survey questionnaires. People get real lazy and from my experience if a woman really appreciates your “aesthetic” chances are she didn’t read your profile for jack shit. So you’re probably gonna ask, “How can I get my own bae?” Welp, here are some best practices and specific questions to look out for:

  1. Be yourself (write your profile as if you had a girlfriend/wife).
    1. I know this shit sounds weird but when I first created my profile a long time ago, I thought about it like a “Marketer/Youtube Clickbait writer.” Trust me it works, the more genuine your tone and candor you provide. Your personality shines bright like a diamond and the chances you’ll be matched with someone will increase (even if you feel like your ugly as sin itself).
  2. Watch out for specific questions that could indicate incompatibility based on your lifestyle and core values
    1. Ethnic/Race preference Question: Probably the biggest indicator (if your ideal mate) likes to stick with their own kind. Even OkCupid Christian Rudder reference’s in his book Cataclysm, that this question is supposed to indicate some sliding scale of Racial preferences. A 95% of the woman I swiped on thankfully answered in this manner:
      1. Would you Strongly prefer to date someone of your own skin color/racial background?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: No
          1. There are a few profiles I encountered that say “Yes” and majority of those were Caucasian and Asian women (no big surprises there given our previous podcast episodes and historical data).
      2. Would you ever consider ending a relationship because a parent, family, member or close friend didn’t approve of your partner in terms of attractiveness, race, nationality, gender, age, or other factors beyond their control?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: No
      3. If you were going to have a child would you want the other parent to be of the same ethnicity as you?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: No
          1. Fun fact, if she says “Yes” and you’re not her ethnicity, well I feel bad for you son because…. 99 problems but a kid ain’t one. *Jay-Z voice*
    2. Money Question(s): Again, another dead giveaway. People usually don’t put in the work to answer these for yourself but you should (and for good reason). If you don’t want a “Gold Digger” than anything that shows she values money potential you might, have a large incompatibility issue in the long run. Furthermore, I would stress that a whopping 98% of the profiles I’ve encountered answered these questions in the same way regardless of ethnicity, that I swiped on (shocking I know) and here are the two questions and their affiliated responses:
      1. Is your ideal match well-off financially or at the very least someone who has high income potential?
        1. You Answer: Whatever
        2. She Answers: Yes it’s somewhat important
          1. If she answers “Yes it’s very important,” now I ain’t saying she a gold digger but..
      2. How important is money/wealth for you in a match?
        1. You Answer: Whatever
        2. She Answers: Yes, it’s somewhat important.
          1. …she ain’t a messing…
      3. Would you date someone who was in considerable debt?
        1. You Answer: Whatever
        2. She Answers: No
          1. …With a (Broke/Student Loan heavy/no new BMW type) ninja. However if she ever says, “Yes, its not a problem for me.” that’s wifey material right there (hard to come by).
      4. How would you feel if your significant other made more money than you?
        1. You Answer: Whatever
        2. She Answers: Very Comfortable
          1. Fun fact on this one, I NEVER see any ladies say “Very Uncomfortable.” Given the whole movement in 2018 for dating equality, there are some things that will stay the same till the end of time.
      5. Do you believe money can buy happiness?
        1. You Answer: Whatever
        2. She Answers: Yes
          1. If she answers yes (in addition to the above questions), then I hope your pockets are deeper than the Mariana trenches, cause that child/lifestyle support money is serious in 2018
    3. Hygiene (Biological/Lifestyle) Question(s): You’re probably thinking, damn Ryan I can’t pick up a woman if I don’t wash my balls religiously or brush my teeth twice a day. You can thank your stars Jimmy, this isn’t that much of a deal breaker. Granted I can make the case, that most people have some standard of basic hygiene and the arguments for lack of hygiene is purely for lifestyle optimization (not washing their hair everyday, is a ‘dirtbag’ (rock climber), or HLA (Human Leikocyte Antigens) incompatibility). In my sample size, 60% of the women I swiped on answered the question and provided these responses:
      1. How important is it to you that your partner smell good?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: Important-ish or Less important than you think
          1. If she says “I just don’t care at all” may your crusty balls be forever cherished.
    4. Lifestyle: This isn’t lumped with hygiene because you can avoid the restroom for a few weeks and still be a rational (and somewhat ethnical) human being. However do note, depending on what you’re personally gunning for you may want to focus on certain questions and de-prioritize the rest. Here are the questions and their respective responses, keep in mind 70% of the women, I swiped on answered in this manner:
      1. Would you date someone who still lives with their parents?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: No
          1. Another fun tidbit, if she says “Yes” and you’re living in a very expensive part of the country *COUGH* San Francisco Bay Area/Manhattan/Hollywood*. Good luck, trying to convince her otherwise.
      2. Would you consider having an open relationship (i.e., one where you can see other people)?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: No
          1. One of the things I learned from past dates is if she says “Yes,” then you shouldn’t hold your breathe on commitment quality, just saying (and this is beyond the “Dating Phase.”) as well.
      3. It’s your first date. Do you split the bill, pay the whole bill, have them pay the whole bill?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: Split the bill or It doesn’t matter to me.
          1. If she answers “Have them pay the whole bill.” then you know what to do chief.
      4. Would you consider sleeping on a first date?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: No
          1. If she says yes and she’s also down to hook-up, then make sure to stay equipped.
      5. About how long do you want your next relationship to last?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: Several years or The rest of my life
          1. I never seen the answer “One night” usually few months to a year is common.
      6. Has anyone ever accused you of being “high maintenance”?
        1. You answer: Whatver
        2. She answers: No
          1. If she answers “Yes” in addition to the financial questions again don’t be surprised…
  3. Read their profile and find common ground between you two
    1. No surprises there but there’s some amount of work you need to put in.

Other questions to look out for and determine good compatibility not just for dates but long-term relationship potential are:

  • How many children would you ideally like to have?
  • Is it ok for a woman to ask a man out on a date?
  • Would you consider being in a relationship with someone who has had homosexual sex?
  • Does hanging out in an empty field, in the middle of no where, at 2am to watch a meteor shower sound like fun to you
  • Are you still in love with one or more of your former partners?
  • Which of the following do you find to be the most liberating?
  • How many countries have you visited?
  • Have you stayed friends with most of your ex-boyfriends/ex-girlfriends?
  • Do you have an ex that you would really like to date again?
  • Are you flaky (i.e. cancel plans at the last minute)?
  • Can you cook?
  • Do you believe regular sex is necessary in maintaining a healthy relationship?
  • Do you ever ghost someone (cut off contact without warning) after meeting in person?

These questions are a supplemental litmus to determine how adventurous, reliable, and/or “not ready for a relationship material these prospects” are. You can observe on the one’s I highlighted here to determine, the ideal people I’d like to build a relationship. However if you really want to take the bare bones optimal approach use the questions I bolded as strong indicators of overall compatibility, that might help you in your search. Hope this helps and look out for an upcoming Podcast Episode on Double Standards and the next app I’ll review in the DAT TRP series.

Why Is There So Much Hate With Interracial Relationships? – S2E40

Why Is There So Much Hate When People Date Other Ethnicities

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This interracial relationship topic came about when I read NextShark.com ’s article “Asian YouTuber Reveals How ‘Asian Girls’ Can Get a White Boyfriend in Hilarious Video.”  This story was about YouTuber Vivian Vuong’s  video “How To Get a White Boyfriend (for Asian Girls).” Initially, I thought the video was a self help video on how to get a Caucasian boyfriend until I watched it all the way through. It essentially was mocking Asian females that do anything to appeal to Caucasian men; from the way they look to bad mouthing Asians.

Why Is There So Much Hate With Interracial Relationships? Outline

If you want to be a guest on TheRelationshiPodcast please send us an e-mail.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

Facebook      TRP Patreon

This the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”

Relationships: Dating People With Disabilities And The Challenges – S2E38

The Challenges Of Dating With A Disability

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Listener Joe reached out to TheRelationshiPodcast and suggested we discuss the challenges of dating someone with a disability. By Joe’s own admission, he has a disability, and stated the difficulties he has in his current relationship. Specifically, Joe expressed the challenges he faces with his on and off, long-term, and long distance relationship. Those 3 terms put together is a relationship tsunami. After Ryan’s consultation with Joe, Ryan wondered how people with disabilities cope with relationship problems.

Relationships: Dating People With Disabilities And The Challenges Outline

If you want to be a guest on TheRelationshiPodcast please send us an e-mail.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

Facebook      TRP Patreon

This the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”