Shuffle Around Life: Chapter 14 (Wildcard): The Best Man Speech and Reflection

What’s up Shuffle Around Life Readers!

This is a super late post but for good reason, a lot of what’s been going on this past week was tied to a great friend of mine Kundai and guest host of the podcast. I was asked to become the best man and like all best men before me, had to write a speech about why my best friend (and his now wife) are such an awesome duo.

So for those who weren’t in attendance but would like to get a hint as to what I wrote, here it is, please enjoy…

 

 

 

“8.2 Seconds *pause*, that’s how long it takes for a man to fall in love. Don’t Google it now (put your phones away), it’ll kill my speech and some of you will drunkenly berate me later for providing fake news. I’m just kidding.

However there is some ring of truth to that, when I first met Kundai it took 10 seconds before we offered each other a beer. Ever since then, many more drinks and discussions were had, all thanks to our adventures in life.

Kundai is quite the character, he is a contrarian and is self-proclaimed as ‘fly’ with his sense of style and knowledge of botany. He roams the earth to uncover the beautiful details of nature, even if it means going off the beaten path once in a while. Speaking of path, it wasn’t until one day he told me crossed paths with a lovely lady named Clarissa that his world started to slowly change.  Clarissa’s vibe totally complimented Kundai and in some cases amplified the love they shared with the world at large.

Both have confided to me, on separate occasions that one wouldn’t be able to live without the other. It was then, I knew that somehow this would evolve into a beautiful union of kindred spirits. Thank you Kundai for being an amazing friend (and brother) to me all these years. Clarissa, I am thrilled to consider you my newfound sister in in this journey we call life. I’d like to end this speech to a toast to everyone in attendance, the family and friends who are here with us far and wide. Bonds that are revisited and hopefully renewed, as Oscar Wilde once put:

“Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation. “

Btw, Kundai thanks for finally admitting that I am the best man!

 

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Bad Girls, Relationship Myths, Friendship Spectrum – S3E65

Bad Girls, Relationship Myths, Friendship Spectrum

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Podcast episode 65 is titled Bad Girls, Relationship Myths, Friendship Spectrum. I want to discuss why some guys think bad girls are desirable, Andrey focuses on relationship myths, and Ryan explores the friendship spectrum.

Bad Girls, Relationship Myths, Friendship Spectrum Outline

  • J Topic: Why Do Men Pick The Bad Girls?
    • I was reading the article 11 Reasons Why Men Never Pick The Good Girl And Why They Should. We will not be covering all 11, but I wanted to focus on the 3 that I think are the main reasons men do this.
      • Men Conflate “Bad” With Sexy (#1)
        • In your experience, do you agree or disagree?
        • To flip it around, is this why women pick bad guys?
      • Bad Girls Are Usually Better In Bed (#3)
        • In your experience, do you agree or disagree?
        • To flip it around, is this why women pick bad guys?
      • Good Girls Can Come Off As Bland (#5)
        • In your experience, do you agree or disagree?
        • To flip it around, is this why women pick bad guys?
  • A Topic: Relationship Myths
    • In our previous discussions, we uncovered a number of relationship myths and touched upon this topic back in S2E19 when we talked about relationship cliches. So I wanted to keep it really simple for this week and discuss some of the ones we have not talked about yet. With the following “myths,” I want you guys to say whether or not you think it’s a myth or if it’s actually true and why.
      • If you’re truly happy with your partner, you should not need to be close to anyone else.
      • Jealousy is a sign of true love and caring.
      • If partners really love each other, they know each other’s needs and feelings.
      • Having a child will strengthen your relationship or marriage.
  • R Topic: The Spectrum of Friendships
    • We covered this topic in Episode 4 & Episode 31, think of this discussion as an added bonus.  Prior to the advent of technology (especially Social Media), friendship was a bit more linear. Now that we have the world at our fingertips, we have all kinds of friends (for all kinds of genders and lifestyles in between). Let’s talk about them and find out if we’re all on the same page!
      • According to Aristotle we have 3 types of friendships:
        • Utility – of need/activity
        • Pleasure – intimacy
        • Good – mutual admiration/respect
      • Which of these three do you have the most in your life right now?
          • Of the three, which do you think is the most important to have?
      • In 2015, Mobinah Ahmad from Sydney, Australia created the Friendship-Acquaintance 6 Stage Theory listed here. Do you agree with her theory, why or why not?
      • Many articles on the internet suggest that different types of friendships men have vs. what women have. Are there any key differences between gender?
        • How about the LGBTQ community, is this any different?
  • Resource Reads:

If you want to be a guest on TheRelationshiPodcast please send us an e-mail.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

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This is the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”

Sharing A Room, Social Media Posts, Sacrifice – S3E64

Sharing A Room, Social Media Posts, Sacrifice

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In podcast episode 64, it is titled Sharing A Room, Social Media Posts, Sacrifice. I want to discuss if there is etiquette for sharing rooms, Andrey dives into social media oversharing, and Ryan wants to talk about sacrifice.

Sharing A Room, Social Media Posts, Sacrifice Outline

  • J Topic: Hey, So Can We Share A Room?
      • When we were college students, we did not have a lot of disposable income (unless that FInancial Aid check cleared). So if a group went on vacation, a shared room was commonplace. Now that we are 30 or 40-somethings, is this no longer an acceptable practice?
        • Scenario 1: In my late 30s, one of my friend’s suggested that we get our own rooms for a guys Vegas trip. Reasoning was because we were adults, it’s weird that guys share a bed, and we can afford to do so now.
          • What are your thoughts on this?
        • Scenario 2: My girlfriend was on a trip with her girlfriends and a male friend (late 50s) asked to stay with them. They agreed, but my girlfriend thought it was inappropriate.
          • How do you guys feel about this?
        • Scenario 3: Going to Chicago with some friends (1 guy and 1 lady). We discussed getting a room together–2 beds. Because this has been on my mind lately I told him that it would be fine if I got my own room in case the female does not feel comfortable sharing a room. He asked me “Do women get weirded out by that?”
          • Was I right about suggesting that?
        • Scenario 4: Spur of the moment trip to visit you–out-of-town friend(s).
          • If they ask you to stay at your place, do you allow it?
          • If you go visit friends, do you ask to stay at their place?
        • Are we at a place in our lives now that we should all pay for own lodging instead of share?
  • A Topic: Should I Have Posted That?
      • Like I said in my positive note, I went off-roading this weekend. What I didn’t mention was part of the reason for the trip was because I needed to do a photoshoot for work. Because of the nature of what I shoot, I’m unable to release the photos or post them on social media in any way. It doesn’t really bother me because I tend not to post anyway, for better or worse. But, I know that a lot of people struggle with this. So, I figured we should talk about it.
      • Have you ever posted something on social media that you realized afterwards wasn’t appropriate?
      • Like I mentioned on previous episodes, I only post vacation pictures while I’m on the vacation if I have someone watching my house. Do you ever feel like it’s a problem when people know where you are? Do you take any preventative measures to secure yourself from those that may want to do you harm?
      • How do you feel about parents that constantly post pictures of their kids along with their names? Do you feel that this is dangerous, or just a sign of the times?
      • Are there any other social media faux pas that you can think of that piss you off?
  • R Topic: What’s The Definition Of Sacrifice In 2019?

If you want to be a guest on TheRelationshiPodcast please send us an e-mail.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

FacebookTRP Patreon

This is the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”

Shuffle Around Life: Chapter 12 (A, K, Q): Learning to Say NO (a tight rope perspective) When Necessary

Hello TRP Shuffle Around Life Readers!

Here’s something that’s been on my mind for a while and needed to vent about this and it’s about the importance of Saying No, to things.

You see in recent years, even with my “transition” there are things I do outside of writing columns, conducting analysis, troubleshooting and more on the TRP like everyone else. One thing that’s made me very certain is an essential life skill is SAYING NO WHEN NECESSARY.

What do I mean for this?

Everyone is familiar with the concept of time and how it’s probably the single most valuable asset you have as a human being. Let’s break down how this looks….

The breakdown will be by day, year, and week (all adhering within a 24 hour period):

In a Single Day:

  • 86400 Seconds
  • 1440 Minutes
  • 24 Hours

In a Single Week (7x the values):

  • 604800 Seconds
  • 10080 Minutes
  • 168 Hours
  • 7 Days

In a Single Year: (52x previous values):

  • 31,449,600 Seconds
  • 524, 160 Minutes
  • 8,736 Hours
  • 365 Days* (366, give or take a day or two because of leap year and axial tilt/speed)
  • 52 Weeks
  • 12 Months
  • 1 Year

***

*(Reading this post will probably take 2-3 minutes at most and for that, I am truly grateful for you sharing your time with me)

All these increments should give you an idea of how much time is so valuable. And yet, with everything going on in your daily life you have to wonder, is there really time to do everything you ever wanted in your lifetime? The answer is no, NO, no, NO. You will be pulled in all kinds of directions and a lot of times, what you will fulfill for one party will not make the other happy.

Recently, I’ve been going through that, working on this podcast, working on another side project, handling property management, and then of course career hunting. All of these balls juggling in the air, the answer should be relatively simple, focus on the things that matter to you (and are a priority). Furthermore, the more pragmatic approach is, focus on things that have an ROI (personal, professional, emotional, or financial). The problem with this is what you may think is ROI , people will ALWAYS DISAGREE WITH YOUR PRIORITIES and you deem is ROI. They will make their case and claim why their priorities are much more important than your own. THEY WILL NOT CARE, REMAIN SELFISH, AND CAN ONLY LOOK AT THINGS OBJECTIVELY WHEN SHIT HITS THE FAN FOR THEM.

For those who see it in this matter, I say a big FUCK YOU. I’ve always tried to understand it from the other side of the picture. In fact, if tomorrow weren’t guaranteed and any of my colleagues or friends (can’t move forward with me). I will not hold them to it walking away and diverting on what’s important to them, that’s just a fact of life.

Do you need money to support yourself but your passion project isn’t doing shit for you?

Take a step back and take the time needed to re-evaluate, before jumping back on the horse.

Are you slammed at work in that you don’t have time to do any creative stuff on the side?

Don’t trip, recharge and come back when you’re ready. The difference between working for a paycheck versus working for a passion, is the willingness to put in as much as you can even without stability.

However for those I didn’t mean to hurt (or de-prioritize) and had to say NO to, I am deeply Sorry. It was never an easy option and quite frankly if it were, then chances are I don’t care about you as much as you think I do.

Majority of the time, people would rather do passion work that provides a sense of security in their lifestyle (and perception(s)) in society. However majority of the world, doesn’t have that luxury to exercise such an approach. People take unstable jobs just to pay the bills. Whereas the wealthiest individuals own as much as half of the poorest of the entire world’s population.

Overall, people should be more understanding of each other’s time and priorities in one’s life. When you do realize this need for compassion, you’ll realize that even your impact in the world is but a millimeter of a Domino in the entire universe’s history of existence.

-RM

Shuffle Around Life: Chapter 10 (8, A, Q): Clean Up and Knowledge Series Part 3

What’s up everyone reading the Shuffle Around Life!

Several things to reference before we get started:

For those who wanted to learn the origins of this series, I highly, HIGHLY suggest you start from the beginning when it was the TRP Single Life” with Part One listed here.

Second, if you enjoy the deviation of article series check out the Dating App Series by starting here.

As mentioned in the previous article is the beginning of the Knowledge Series, we first start with the topic of “Knowing” and what it means to research and “Know” what to do next, if you want a recap, you can start here.

And now, onto the topic on hand!

***

So we already covered the first two elements described so you’re probably wondering why separate refinement from execution and mastery? Well for starters, you have to go back to my previous example about cooking. You see majority of the people in the world, can follow the first two steps. However this 3rd step is probably more relevant to those who enjoy the hobby of cooking at home, outdoors, or professionally (fine dining, catering, etc.) The great thing about refinement is finding your personal groove (by that I mean tempo), nobody can replicate this groove for this task because some people do things differently compared to others. For instance, my writing style and how I space out writing this series would be different compared to John and Drey (my other co-hosts of the podcast).

Their personal tone (and storytelling ability) is vastly different you can see examples of this here (by John) and here (by Drey). You can ever go further with this and listen in on the storytelling set by one my favorite Marketers Seth Godin, who created the Akimbo podcast about the applications of business, the intricacies of creativity, and how it’s applied to the world at-large. You see, although we started doing storytelling here on the TRP for the past year, Mr. Godin has been doing it for several decades. His verbal acuity when describing social phenomenon is what sets him apart from many other marketers in the game. This isn’t something that can be built overnight, this can only be done through constant trial and error of execution.

However that’s not to take away from my colleagues and their personal skills of refinement. Drey comes from a similar background and every week when recording the podcast, he uses his audio palate to adjust and present our episodes from a clean canvas into a finished product. This spills over into his DJ’ing, Photography, and many more things that are set to his arsenal. John on the other hand, despite his out of pocket commentary, knows when to push people’s buttons (even when it gets too far). His trolling goes beyond the norm but it also reflects in his nature of refinement in creating the interactive videos, soundbits, and TRP memes you see on our Instagram account today.

Look around you in life, what are some of the things you (or your peers) are passionate about? Is it something a bit more artisanal, like woodwork? What about cosplays? Or even making the most *fire emoji* edits on a Youtube video? These are avenues in which we invest our time and energy, the constant iteration of anything we involve ourselves with. In corporations, when your company (and managers) set goals, there’s a quota set on your productivity and output but what mostly isn’t measured is effort. The blood, sweat, tears, and frustrations going into learning how to deliver (whatever it is that’s necessary).

“People in 2019, don’t care about effort enough “

Yet without this important element of the human condition, nothing would manifest or come to creation. Landmarks like the Sistine Chapel, Pyramid’s of Egypt, or something as epic as the Avengers Assembling…

via GIPHY

Wouldn’t be paramount to what we would consider as an epic blockbuster of a movie. Another way of looking at this is the ongoing work of a relationship. Is it enough to remember just your significant other’s birthday? Favorite Boba Drink? No, there will be times you will make hard calls (whether its for easy tasks or challenging ones) to create a more memorable experience for you (and your loved ones). We as a society have become more selfish in 2019, then ever before, don’t believe me? Look at your phone and all of the applications you downloaded. See the people who: follow you, retweet, share, comment, criticize, screenshot and etc. Your worth as a human being is only as good as the reputation that proceeds itself.

“Everything needs to have an ROI on the surface and yet the fundamental truth is human beings have conditions to crave unconditional desires.”

  • As an employer, I need loyal employees to succeed and build my business, otherwise I will fire them (unconditional loyalty)
  • As a co-worker, I need my colleagues to bust (or cover my ass) otherwise I would look down on them and gossip (unconditional support)
  • As a partner/S.O. in a relationship, I need them to pull their (financial and emotional) weight and make me happy otherwise I’ll threaten leave (unconditional love)

The idea of the ‘unconditional’ being possible is only through the low-risk efforts (and tasks) conducted by those willing; E.G. Giving someone anything because we have an abundance, pets comforting us in our time of need (when human interaction is empty), etc. We find ourselves yet again “refining” our definition(s) of core values, based on these “unconditional” scenarios and yet, we don’t invest much effort into this area of well-being. We’re all “too busy” making money, spending time with friends, traveling the world, to see what’s going on to the world at large.

As you can see, refinement isn’t just the application of constant effort and time invested. Refinement is, finding purpose in ourselves and expressing that purpose through the various tools and mediums we use in everyday life. Refinement should also be about consciousness of the world around us and tailoring ourselves to become better to one another (and our resources). Lastly, refinement is a constant variable (like time) because you’ll never know when one day, you can become: a work of art, a glorified war hero, or to be remembered for something greater…

via GIPHY

To Be Continued….

Shuffle Around Life: Chapter 7 (2, 6, 2); From Italy to Home to Mid-Life equals More Transitions

 

Hello Everyone,

I know it’s been a while since my last entry of the TRP Shuffle Around life, but if you’ve been keeping up with me via Social Media you know I’ve been off the map and enjoying the good life. Europe was amazing but traveling from within pre-Brexit was not entirely easy. I look forward to returning to some spots hopefully in the distant future.

What you don’t see however is the behind the scenes work that not only goes into my daily routines but some of the side projects I’ve been building since I’ve last shared about my life.

To begin, one of the critical decisions I made in my life is to leave a job of stability. Although I learned and established myself at a place, I knew there was more to the world that I wanted to grasp. I made the conscious decision to leave for reasons that I’d like to keep to myself. I learned a lot (both personally and professionally) but I knew it was my time to go. In a previous podcast episode we discussed life transitions (for you 20-30 year olds, you might want to take a listen).  There are several transitional periods for me that are occurring at the moment:

  • Transition of Work
  • Transition of Household Role
  • Transition of Purpose

Let’s start with work…

It was a difficult decision but leaving work was the best thing that ever happened to me. I came from the school of thought that you shouldn’t quit no matter what. However to have the opportunity to finally quit without any strings attached seemed too good to be true (initially). In the days leading up to my departure, I made peace with everything that was bottled up inside. For anyone going through this currently, you will feel a piece of ownership lost. Fear not, because that sense of renewal is right around the corner and sometimes in places you least expect.

During my time away from the office, I wanted to re-align with what mattered most to me and that was my health (and loved ones). There are two forks in the road that will determine the next 10-20 years of my life. I’ve come to the conclusion that once these decisions are solidified, it is the point of no return.

Which leads to a significant piece of the puzzle I’ve left out, the support pillars in one’s life. I don’t care if you have a vast network or nobody to rely on. At some point, we’ll all need help and one of the biggest blessings is to have someone to support you at critical moments like these. Without my current girlfriend, a few friends and some living family left, I don’t know what would happen next.

When you’re so used to your daily routines to point of ad nauseam, you can’t really fathom what an alternative reality would actually look like. I have to count my blessings and even there was a certain point where I wanted to give up a key part of who I was, even those you least expect would give you a sign to press forward:

inspiration by an influencer
For those not familiar, this is a very special person who heavily inspired my work in this craft since day one…

Household Role

When you grow up, you will have many changes of this role. One of them at some point will be head of household. You will realize how much of a burden it is to become an adult, a working one, occasionally short changed, and probably overworked. In some cases this role change is applied to your family dynamics. For my own, it shifted drastically in a matter of months. It took getting used to but I feel at peace with where I’m currently at. I’m taking a day at a time, to do my part and work towards contributing to the overall mission of the household.

Purpose: It isn’t always obvious, you will weave in and out of whatever you deem as “purposeful” in your life. Sometimes your guiding north can be deceiving, in that what once provided you purpose slowly created burden (or depression). Similarly to the work stuff, purpose was slowly being removed from my life in an interesting manner. You feel less human or rather less of a cog, but then you also don’t feel fulfilled even when you hav no more levers to push. We all feel a certain way, when purpose evolves or strays away from our core identity. For myself, I will hold onto this creative side of purpose. l know this part of my writing, may seem cryptic, weird, and probably unorthodox. However that’s what this article theme is served up for, a shuffle, into hopefully something greater…

 

 

How Do You Deal With Indecisiveness In A Relationship? – S2E36

How Do You Deal With Indecisiveness In A Relationship

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How Do You Deal With Indecisiveness In A Relationship? Everyone who’s been in any relationship or even friendship knows the worst question a person can ask them is “So what should we eat?”. It’s the question that probably ends more relationships than it should. The where-do-we-eat question makes even the most composed of people internally groan because of the conversation that has to follow. The core reason why this question is so hard to answer is because of indecisiveness. So, let’s talk about it.

How Do You Deal With Indecisiveness In A Relationship? Outline

  • What do you think indecisiveness does to a relationship?
  • How do you deal with your own indecision?
  • Are there things you do to cope with someone’s indecision?
  • Caltech conducted a study focusing on “choice overload.” They gave varying numbers of choices to willing participants and hooked them up to fMRI monitors. The theory is that our brain does a quick calculation based on the freedom of choice and the effort needed to make a decision. Caltech discovered that there is a “sweet spot” between 8 to 15 number of options (with 12 being the overall average). Anything less and anything more and our brains don’t really want to process the information.
    • What are your thoughts on this?
  • Things you can implement in to your own life to help curtail indecision?
  • Do you have any advice you would give to someone who deals with indecision in their own lives (internally or externally)?
  • Resource Reads:

If you want to be a guest on TheRelationshiPodcast please send us an e-mail.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

Facebook      TRP Patreon

This the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”