Understanding, Jealousy, Gaslighting – S3E66

Understanding, Jealousy, Gaslighting

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Podcast episode 66 is titled Understanding, Jealousy, Gaslighting. I debate if understanding is more important than communication, Andrey wants to get into a deeper depth on jealousy, and Ryan wants to explore gaslighting.

Understanding, Jealousy, Gaslighting Outline

  • J Topic: Is Understanding More Important Than Communication?
    • I saw one of those social media posts the other day that made me think about this topic. I could not find it again, but basically it said that understanding is more important than communication in relationships. You can communicate with someone frequently, but sometimes people just don’t get it; they don’t understand. I’m sure some of you have encountered this before in personal relationships or worked related situations.
    • A prime example of this is the situation with Moby and Natalie Portman. Moby came out with a book “Then It Fell Apart.” In the book, Moby asserted that he dated Natalie. However, she vehemently denies this. Natalie stated  that they hung out a few times, but never dated.
    • So was Moby friendzoned in this situation? The debate between “dated” vs “we hung out.”
    • Do you think that understanding is more important than communication in relationships?
    • The flipside of this is maybe one person is doing a poor job of effectively communicating what they need. Do you guys have any suggestions on how one can effectively tell someone what they need?
  • A Topic: I Do Not Think You Are Ready For This Jelly.
    • I want to follow up on last week’s discussion. We touched very briefly on jealousy and it seemed like we had differing opinions on what jealousy is and how acceptable it is. So I came up with a few more questions to see if we can cover a little more ground.
      • One of the blogs on the dating site, Zoosk, defines jealousy as the fear of losing something, while envy is the desire to have something that someone else has. Would you agree with this definition? Why or why not?
      • In last week’s episode, I mentioned that jealousy is rooted in insecurity. Do you believe that’s the case or are there some situations where jealousy is reasonable?
      • Is there any advice you would give to someone who knows they’re the jealous type but wants to stop?
  • R Topic: What Should I Do About Gaslighting?
    • Gaslighting is a frequently searched term on Google Trends. Gaslighting is manipulating someone psychologically by questioning their own sanity. I personally have not heard of this term until most recently. So after doing some reading and reflecting, I wanted the rest of the team to chime in on this topic:
      • Have you ever experienced gaslighting?
      • Why does it seem that men gaslight women than the opposite?
      • How would you deal with someone who gaslights you in the workforce?
  • Resource Reads:

If you want to be a guest on TheRelationshiPodcast please send us an e-mail.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

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This is the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”

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Shuffle Around Life: Chapter 6 (Q, 7, 7), The Real TRP Single Life Ending and Transitional Period

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello TRP crew, it’s been a hot minute. Since the past couple of podcast episodes, I’ve been alluding to this idea of being happy with someone new. In the original series, I thought the person I met earlier, would be the one I would build a relationship with. Sadly, it was a false positive and like most video games they usually have a bad ending and a “true ending.” I’m now presenting you the events leading to the true ending of the Single Life (and I guess the revised expanded version of the Shuffle Around Life)…

*September 2018*

I wrote what would’ve been the final chapter of the TRP Single Life. Started dating someone, I thought I could build a relationship with. We did the usual stuff like any couple, discuss work, had dinner dates, and contemplated about the future. There were moments where all this stuff, felt very comfortable. On autumn afternoon after a particular festival we parted ways. I felt a bit weird about this recent meetup, maybe it was the “dating spider sense” people usually have before the inevitable break up occurs.

One day of not talking turned into two, then a week, and eventually almost two months. I was ghosted on, confused, and literally didn’t know what to say or feel. I shouldn’t be surprised, many of the previous dates left with a similar impression. The outcome of the relationship and the impact it had on my thinking lingered for a bit. I thought to myself. “How was this any different?” It gave me a lot to think about and my professional life also started competing in my daily priorities….

*October 2018/November 2018*

Between Halloween to the First of November was a strange time. I knew I was back in the market (single once more) we had done a few more episodes, one on Indecisiveness and the other on the 5 Love Languages. While finishing production on these episodes, it got me thinking of the elements in this last one that was full of nonsense. Out of nowhere a phone call rung frantically one evening, I didn’t recognize the number and let it go to voicemail. It was her “The Fake Ending aka The Ghoster” she nonchalantly reintroduced herself and began going on a diatribe about how she thought about this and that, because of some “false positive” test results she got due to her work environment issues and more. I refused to entertain it, I merely responded, “You didn’t give me the time of day and I’m over it.” I blocked her number, deleted all of the pictures and moved on with my life.

For the first time, in a while I was ready to give up the search completely. I looked over contingency plans, in the event certain milestone events didn’t happen in my life. It was time to go to Plan C and so it began, in the meantime during my professional life, everything was busier than ever…

*November 2018-December 2018*

My birthday occurred, had a nice little getaway to the East Coast, hung out with friends and worked through the holidays. It was at this moment, I began to let go of any expectation settling down. There were more important things to worry about and the next several months were a good indicator of that. After Christmas and well into the New Year one of the things, I began to think more about was my immediate future. Whether or not living in my current place was the way to go or I needed to move elsewhere. Either way these weren’t easy decisions and the next chapter of my life proved to be the most difficult (and ambiguous one) to live up after just yet…

*January 2019*

Literally four months after, I decided to slowly ease my way back into the dating world once more, going through the motions. At this point when you reach your 30s, dating priorities shift for many people. You’re over the whole idea of chasing the ideal mate, you have a bit more practicality. As a guy, you’re literally at in the range of folks who are starting to realize who they are personally and professionally. Mid 20s-Mid 30s, people are also looking to settle down and not try to bog down with the whole mentality of “playing games.” Everyone is a bit more aggressive in their dating search (especially those who desire kids), this isn’t something to be taken lightly because of the biological factors that come into play. More people also start giving less fucks, because you’re too tired to please everyone and you want to be content for yourself (and those supportive around you). I was content and I had a somewhat steady life, that is until one fateful night. It started out like any other night, got home from work, was watching Youtube and then a possibility to meet someone new. Sure enough, one hour got into two and the rest of the evening flew by….

When date #2 came around, things were a bit more different. The stakes felt higher and the emotions ran deep (no this isn’t a euphemism for sex John in case you’re reading) and slowly I realize this is what it feels like to truly find someone you’re compatible with. At the moment, I didn’t know what else to expect but to go with the flow in the chain of events and afterwards…

*Fast Forward to Present Day*

We’re both pretty happy with one another, we’ve discussed a lot in the short amount of time and have taken strides to getting to know each other on a deeper and more emotional level as each day passes. It still feels pretty surreal looking back after everything. This is only the beginning and within the past four months so much has shifted. She’s been quite the supportive lady and has helped me built a new definition of what an adult foundation would look like. We have many more days/weeks/years, to learn about one another but if there’s one thing I’m grateful for, it’s this second opportunity to make things work. Thank you sweetie for everything that you do and I looking forward to learning and growing with you, each and every step of the way.

-R.M.

 

Is There Any Difference Between Being A Hoe Or A Fuckboy? – S3E49

Is There Any Difference Between A Hoe Or A Fuckboy?

 

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What a hoe? What a fuckboy? In episode 47 How To Deal With Toxic Behavior And Shit Testing?, we brushed on the topic of dishonesty. There seems to be a dishonest nature of hoes and fuckboys especially in terms of dating and relationships. In this episode, we talk about hoes and fuckboys in the nature of relationships.  

Is There Any Difference Between Being A Hoe Or A Fuckboy? Outline

  • Hoes – Hoes are people that sleep around and have multiple partners at the same time.What are key indicators of a hoe?Can someone be a hoe if no sex is involved?
    • Does sleeping around fall under the umbrella of “dating?”
    • What is the end goal for someone that sleeps around?
    • “You can never turn a hoe into a wife.” You can also substitute wife for husband. Do you have any Thots on this statement?
    • Is a hoe just looking for the right one that will change her hoe lifestyle?
  • Fuckboy – There are 2 definitions of fuckboy. From 2002 to 2014, a fuckboy is a loser that does dumb shit. From 2017 to now, a fuckboy is a man that sleeps with women without the intention of having a relationship with them. Fuckboys existed way before this term was coined. In former eras, they were called philanderer, don juan, lothario, womanizer, and player.Timeline of a Fuckboy2002 – Cam’ron “Boy Boy”
      • 2004 – TI & DJ Drama “99 Problemz (But A Lil’ Flip Ain’t One)” Freestyle
      • 2008 – Othorized F.A.M “Fuckboy”
      • 2009 – DJ Paul “Fuckboy”
      • 2014 – Run The Jewels “Oh My Darling Don’t Cry”
      • 2017 – Fuckboy definition evolved to what it is today.
    • Our dating outlook is influenced by our past relationships. What happens to a woman’s outlook on men when they have dated a fuckboy?
    • Can you blame women when they think all men are dogs?
    • Is a fuckboy just looking for the right one that will change his fuckboy lifestyle?
    • Do you think there is a dishonest nature of hoes and fuckboys?
    • Are hoes and fuckboys one in the same?
    • Do you think that going through a Hoe/Fuckboy Phase is actually good?
  • Resource Reads:Going Through A Hoe Phase Could Really Be Good For You

If you want to be a guest on TheRelationshiPodcast please send us an e-mail.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

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This is the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”

How To Deal With Toxic Behavior And Shit Testing? – S3E47

How To Deal With Toxic Behavior And Shit Testing?

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The biggest issue in dating and/or relationships is toxic behavior exhibited by both sexes. Shit Testing is one of these toxic behaviors. Shit Testing is asking someone questions to judge their reaction or response (ie. “What did you do today?”) Jane asks James what he did today–Jane already knows James met Jill for lunch (he does not know Jane knows). Jane is fishing to see if James will mention the lunch. The goal is to determine if James is honest. Shit tests can be petty and often times is enacted to build ego and entitlement for the enabler. Let’s get into it and see if we can really get to the bottom of this shitty social dynamic.

How To Deal With Toxic Behavior And Shit Testing? Outline

  • What is your definition of toxic behavior?
    • Feminists specify that masculinity is a catalyst for what society tolerates and reinforces (ie. #metoo movement). Does this mean modern feminism is not the issue and the impact is exaggerated?
  • Both men and women utilize shit testing. Below are examples of shit test statements. Do you agree or disagree with each assessment? Explain why?
    • “Can we be just friends?”
    • “You’re such a player aren’t you?”
    • “How many girls have you slept with?”
    • “Buy me a drink!”
    • “I have a boyfriend!”
  • Do you feel men or women are responsible for enabling these shit tests? Why or why not?
  • Do men have their own form of shit tests?
    • Do any of you have first hand experience with shit testing?
  • Are shit tests a power struggle between gender(s)/specific individuals or mistaken for severe sarcasm?
  • Are people who are deemed “Less attractive/lower in socioeconomic standing/etc.” subjected to more or less of these ‘shit tests?’
  • Would society be better off if shit testing did not exist?
  • Resource Reads:

If you want to be a guest on TheRelationshiPodcast please send us an e-mail.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

Facebook      TRP Patreon

This the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”

Shuffle Around Life: Chapter 5 (9, 4, J), 2019 opener and Results of IG Story Poll

What’s up everyone! So now that we covered two of the three Dating Apps (OkCupid and Hinge), you’re probably wondering, what’s the third? Well, if you subscribe to us by providing your email here (on the mid-flap of our homepage):

 

You’ll get some bonus DATs, Q&As, and additional content that’s not usually posted on our website. Anyway to go back on topic, the start of 2019 has been quite the challenge for me. Achieving work-life balance is much tougher now than it was in previous years. Otherwise, I don’t know what will be the outcome but I’ll stay positive and take it a day at a time.

***

The more, I think about it, the more I’m curious to learn about those who came before me (John get your mind out of the gutter), in the sense of how much one’s life was determined by hardwork/grit vs. a lucky break which steered the course of their personal lives. This is a key question that Guy Raz poses to so many successful entrepreneurs from all walks of life, in the NPR series of How I Built This.

Anyway, non-professional development areas aside. Dating has also become so strange (or peculiar) in 2019. Compared to the last three years, there hasn’t been as many prospects right from the jump. This has led me to believe because I am approaching the age where many people are beginning to settle down (with an ideal mate or the possibility of having kids and more). This has also transpired in one of my would-be dating prospects, meet Lana (named change for anonymity sake). Lana and I, like many others on a dating app have chatted back and forth intermittently for a few weeks. However at a certain point Lana decides to put some stakes in the ground to show her stance as well as her intent of our first encounter… (this transcription is from my actual correspondence)

Me: So when are you free?
Her: *provides time/date*
Me: Great! Any spots in mind?
Her: How about *yelps here*?
Me: This works for me.
Her: I’m trying to get this dating thing going and take out the fluff chat stuff…
Me: Hm ok dating automation…. with a rigid set of filter questions too?
Her: Probably! But let’s go with the flow it could be practice for potential other matches!
Me: So Later in the evening….
… (more chat and then)
Her: I’m also planning to meet as casual as possible.

(let’s pause right here).

Let’s make it clear, that I’m all for a chill date, in fact I welcome it. However prior to this specific moment of correspondence, the feeling I got of interest (and willingness to meet) in having a nice first date spiraled into nothingness. For context, when we “chatted” on the app and exchange pleasantries, everything was peachy. But as soon as I got her number, things started becoming cut and dry (like the Sahara desert) and her initial efforts of wanting to get to know me more, was practically non-existent. As she pulled a 180, on her gauge of interests which also led me to believe three possibilities:

  1. She was probably disappointed something didn’t work out with a different user on the app, prior to meeting me, which changed the mood and expectations of meeting m.
  2. She met someone whom she had more interests in, after chatting with me and now decided the “Go with the flow” approach because it wouldn’t hurt to meet another new person.
  3. She set those expectations from the jump because historically the “dating fluff” she experienced didn’t give her the results she wanted.

This is a very common dynamic because relationships on Dating Apps are not only superfluous (or in John’s mind, super fluid), but also fleeting with a timed encounter.

Now, you’re also probably thinking to yourself… Are you serious? You’re thinking way too hard on this. Well, I had a similar gut reaction in this article of The Single Life and I ignored my gut reaction (and felt jipped) on my experience this with the last minute plans with Date #9.

Gut reactions are a clear sign that you may need to hold off interest (or the possibility of entertaining) someone in your life. These red flags can help you avoid certain toxic situations, incompatible people, and overall general bad vibes. So, before I jumped the gun, I did decide to post on IG (I had an inkling, as to who was the first responded, *cough*John50) but over time other people weighed in and here are the results:

So, what was the decision on my part? I decided to cancel the date, I know big surprised. Usually I would go for it but I wanted to cut my losses and not waste my time. It’s selfish but it’s 2019, new year… New Me.

Are You Annoyed With Relationship Double Standards? – S2E42

Are You Annoyed With Relationship Double Standards?

 

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We’ve been doing a number of workcentric episodes so Andrey felt like it would be a good time to switch it back to talking about romantic relationships. Namely, he wanted to talk about double standards. There’s this article on lovepanky.com named “12 Double Standards in Relationships & Why They’re Toxic AF.” 12 is kind of a lot so let’s go with the ones that stand out the most and see how many we can get through.

Are You Annoyed With Relationship Double Standards? Outline

  • Making fun of clothing choices.
    • Typically speaking, women can make fun of men’s fashion choices, but it seems so faux pas for men to turn the tables.
  • Rules about who you can and can’t hang out with.
    • This one isn’t very gender or orientation specific. Sometimes partners are held to different standards when it comes to who they’re “allowed” to hang out with.
  • Initiating the first moves – or any moves.
    • This one goes back to our episode about dates vs meetups. It’s the archaic notion that men need to initiate any action in hetero relationships.
  • Not having sex when you don’t want to.
    • Seems like it’s more acceptable when women do this than when men do.
  • Being demanding and controlling.
    • It generally seems to be more socially okay for the woman or the wife to be the ultimate decision maker. If the man is, then he’s considering too controlling of a person.
  • Having someone else buy you drinks.
    • Once again, it seems to be more acceptable for a woman to accept drinks than it is for men to.
  • Seeing any movie she likes but she never sees his.
    • This could also refer to any social activity, whether it be conventions or shows. You often hear about husbands getting dragged places to where it’s a stereotype. This may or may not be true anymore, but I’m sure all of us have been in this situation.
  • There’s also another similar article written from a woman’s perspective. Given that we don’t have a woman on the show this week, it wouldn’t be fair to give our opinions on it, but if you want to read that side of it, be sure to check out the link in the copy. We may want to revisit this topic again.
  • Resource Reads:

If you want to be a guest on TheRelationshiPodcast please send us an e-mail.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

Facebook      TRP Patreon

This the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”

Shuffle Around Life: Chapter 3 (7, 6, 5), Dating App Tips Series: OkCupid and More

Here’s my explanation for this long-overdue Chapter, I wanted to create a bit more coherence between posts (beyond Cartomancy and the general theme of top, middle, and bottom) and introduce a small mini series called Dating App Tips The RelationshiPodcast Series (or DAT TRP)

This series is a build up to the Dating Project I mentioned a few episodes back and I’ll start with a semi-popular and somewhat relevant app of today, OkCupid. There are many reviews of this app, you can read Mashable’s, Ask Men’s, or Dating Scout’s version. However my review is different because I will share with you the few tips you need to have the most optimal experience. One other thing to keep in mind, this is coming from a heterosexual minority (Asian-American) male so your experience and mileage may vary.

Let’s get started!

Unlike Tinder and Bumble what sets this specific app apart is the long form survey questionnaires. People get real lazy and from my experience if a woman really appreciates your “aesthetic” chances are she didn’t read your profile for jack shit. So you’re probably gonna ask, “How can I get my own bae?” Welp, here are some best practices and specific questions to look out for:

  1. Be yourself (write your profile as if you had a girlfriend/wife).
    1. I know this shit sounds weird but when I first created my profile a long time ago, I thought about it like a “Marketer/Youtube Clickbait writer.” Trust me it works, the more genuine your tone and candor you provide. Your personality shines bright like a diamond and the chances you’ll be matched with someone will increase (even if you feel like your ugly as sin itself).
  2. Watch out for specific questions that could indicate incompatibility based on your lifestyle and core values
    1. Ethnic/Race preference Question: Probably the biggest indicator (if your ideal mate) likes to stick with their own kind. Even OkCupid Christian Rudder reference’s in his book Cataclysm, that this question is supposed to indicate some sliding scale of Racial preferences. A 95% of the woman I swiped on thankfully answered in this manner:
      1. Would you Strongly prefer to date someone of your own skin color/racial background?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: No
          1. There are a few profiles I encountered that say “Yes” and majority of those were Caucasian and Asian women (no big surprises there given our previous podcast episodes and historical data).
      2. Would you ever consider ending a relationship because a parent, family, member or close friend didn’t approve of your partner in terms of attractiveness, race, nationality, gender, age, or other factors beyond their control?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: No
      3. If you were going to have a child would you want the other parent to be of the same ethnicity as you?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: No
          1. Fun fact, if she says “Yes” and you’re not her ethnicity, well I feel bad for you son because…. 99 problems but a kid ain’t one. *Jay-Z voice*
    2. Money Question(s): Again, another dead giveaway. People usually don’t put in the work to answer these for yourself but you should (and for good reason). If you don’t want a “Gold Digger” than anything that shows she values money potential you might, have a large incompatibility issue in the long run. Furthermore, I would stress that a whopping 98% of the profiles I’ve encountered answered these questions in the same way regardless of ethnicity, that I swiped on (shocking I know) and here are the two questions and their affiliated responses:
      1. Is your ideal match well-off financially or at the very least someone who has high income potential?
        1. You Answer: Whatever
        2. She Answers: Yes it’s somewhat important
          1. If she answers “Yes it’s very important,” now I ain’t saying she a gold digger but..
      2. How important is money/wealth for you in a match?
        1. You Answer: Whatever
        2. She Answers: Yes, it’s somewhat important.
          1. …she ain’t a messing…
      3. Would you date someone who was in considerable debt?
        1. You Answer: Whatever
        2. She Answers: No
          1. …With a (Broke/Student Loan heavy/no new BMW type) ninja. However if she ever says, “Yes, its not a problem for me.” that’s wifey material right there (hard to come by).
      4. How would you feel if your significant other made more money than you?
        1. You Answer: Whatever
        2. She Answers: Very Comfortable
          1. Fun fact on this one, I NEVER see any ladies say “Very Uncomfortable.” Given the whole movement in 2018 for dating equality, there are some things that will stay the same till the end of time.
      5. Do you believe money can buy happiness?
        1. You Answer: Whatever
        2. She Answers: Yes
          1. If she answers yes (in addition to the above questions), then I hope your pockets are deeper than the Mariana trenches, cause that child/lifestyle support money is serious in 2018
    3. Hygiene (Biological/Lifestyle) Question(s): You’re probably thinking, damn Ryan I can’t pick up a woman if I don’t wash my balls religiously or brush my teeth twice a day. You can thank your stars Jimmy, this isn’t that much of a deal breaker. Granted I can make the case, that most people have some standard of basic hygiene and the arguments for lack of hygiene is purely for lifestyle optimization (not washing their hair everyday, is a ‘dirtbag’ (rock climber), or HLA (Human Leikocyte Antigens) incompatibility). In my sample size, 60% of the women I swiped on answered the question and provided these responses:
      1. How important is it to you that your partner smell good?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: Important-ish or Less important than you think
          1. If she says “I just don’t care at all” may your crusty balls be forever cherished.
    4. Lifestyle: This isn’t lumped with hygiene because you can avoid the restroom for a few weeks and still be a rational (and somewhat ethnical) human being. However do note, depending on what you’re personally gunning for you may want to focus on certain questions and de-prioritize the rest. Here are the questions and their respective responses, keep in mind 70% of the women, I swiped on answered in this manner:
      1. Would you date someone who still lives with their parents?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: No
          1. Another fun tidbit, if she says “Yes” and you’re living in a very expensive part of the country *COUGH* San Francisco Bay Area/Manhattan/Hollywood*. Good luck, trying to convince her otherwise.
      2. Would you consider having an open relationship (i.e., one where you can see other people)?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: No
          1. One of the things I learned from past dates is if she says “Yes,” then you shouldn’t hold your breathe on commitment quality, just saying (and this is beyond the “Dating Phase.”) as well.
      3. It’s your first date. Do you split the bill, pay the whole bill, have them pay the whole bill?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: Split the bill or It doesn’t matter to me.
          1. If she answers “Have them pay the whole bill.” then you know what to do chief.
      4. Would you consider sleeping on a first date?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: No
          1. If she says yes and she’s also down to hook-up, then make sure to stay equipped.
      5. About how long do you want your next relationship to last?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: Several years or The rest of my life
          1. I never seen the answer “One night” usually few months to a year is common.
      6. Has anyone ever accused you of being “high maintenance”?
        1. You answer: Whatver
        2. She answers: No
          1. If she answers “Yes” in addition to the financial questions again don’t be surprised…
  3. Read their profile and find common ground between you two
    1. No surprises there but there’s some amount of work you need to put in.

Other questions to look out for and determine good compatibility not just for dates but long-term relationship potential are:

  • How many children would you ideally like to have?
  • Is it ok for a woman to ask a man out on a date?
  • Would you consider being in a relationship with someone who has had homosexual sex?
  • Does hanging out in an empty field, in the middle of no where, at 2am to watch a meteor shower sound like fun to you
  • Are you still in love with one or more of your former partners?
  • Which of the following do you find to be the most liberating?
  • How many countries have you visited?
  • Have you stayed friends with most of your ex-boyfriends/ex-girlfriends?
  • Do you have an ex that you would really like to date again?
  • Are you flaky (i.e. cancel plans at the last minute)?
  • Can you cook?
  • Do you believe regular sex is necessary in maintaining a healthy relationship?
  • Do you ever ghost someone (cut off contact without warning) after meeting in person?

These questions are a supplemental litmus to determine how adventurous, reliable, and/or “not ready for a relationship material these prospects” are. You can observe on the one’s I highlighted here to determine, the ideal people I’d like to build a relationship. However if you really want to take the bare bones optimal approach use the questions I bolded as strong indicators of overall compatibility, that might help you in your search. Hope this helps and look out for an upcoming Podcast Episode on Double Standards and the next app I’ll review in the DAT TRP series.

Relationships: Dating People With Disabilities And The Challenges – S2E38

The Challenges Of Dating With A Disability

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Listener Joe reached out to TheRelationshiPodcast and suggested we discuss the challenges of dating someone with a disability. By Joe’s own admission, he has a disability, and stated the difficulties he has in his current relationship. Specifically, Joe expressed the challenges he faces with his on and off, long-term, and long distance relationship. Those 3 terms put together is a relationship tsunami. After Ryan’s consultation with Joe, Ryan wondered how people with disabilities cope with relationship problems.

Relationships: Dating People With Disabilities And The Challenges Outline

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You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

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This the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”

Is It Appropriate To Stay Friends With Your Exes Friends? – S2E31

Is It Appropriate To Stay Friends With Your Exes Friends Or Family

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I’ve [John] had many girlfriends come and go. The funny part is I was more upset that I couldn’t hangout with her friend’s anymore than the break up itself. A lot of them were really cool people and I enjoyed their company. I had a friend that was in a long term relationship before it ended; he told me that he was more devastated that he could not hangout with her family. I’m curious if you guys have had this experience too.

Is It Appropriate To Stay Friends With Your Exes Friends Outline

If you want to be a guest on TheRelationshiPodcast please send us an e-mail.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

Facebook      TRP Patreon

This the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”

Final Chapter of TRP Single Life: Execution, Timing, and Luck; Same Woman, Three Dates (Dates #11-13):

“You have everything I want in a person but… I’m just not feeling it and I don’t know what’s wrong with me…”

Final Chapter Author’s Note: These series of dates happened a while back (before I got into a relationship) so this is sort of a recap of what happened prior and what’s to come with this column. Anyway hope you enjoy it!

Execution, Timing, and Luck are necessary to lead you into the next door of opportunity.

**

Everything in life is a combination of three things: Timing, Execution, and Luck

The execution piece is obvious, it’s probably the only thing you have complete control over. Whereas Timing and Luck are the two other elements you will never be able to control. You’re also probably wondering why I’m not lumping timing with luck because although they’re obviously intertwined, it’s quite different when it comes to being variables within the success of any relationship.

***

Date #11: Timing

***

Like all things in life, you have to be at the right place at the right time. However in terms of dating apps, sometimes a glass of scotch and perusing dating app profiles is a better way to get the weekend festivities started after a long work week. I was at profile number 50 and I was ready to call it quits. Finally she appeared, her name read Mizunara, “Worked in the City, active, and had a nice smile to boot.” *Clicks Accept*

Sipping on scotch while watching Netflix, ten minutes have elapsed and then the pop up notification came “Mizunara has accepted the match, please begin to chat.” As usual, one message became two, four, and you already know the drill….So we meet at this bar on a hill (the rhyme wasn’t intentional). Simple digs and there was a party there before us, she then explicitly stated, “If this doesn’t work out at least we have good drinks.” Our conversations weaved in out, between the yesteryears of college midterms to  future aspirations. As we paid the check, I asked her did she wanted to proceed. She nodded, waited for the check, took my arm and off we went for dinner.

On the way we stopped at a cross walk and made out. It was clear, the night wasn’t over yet. We had food, enjoyed conversation and I’ll leave the rest of the imagination to you all… After our fun, we made plans to see each other in a week and a half.

***

Date #12: Execution

***

We rendezvous’d at a mid-point within the city. Gave each other an embrace and a single kiss as anyone dating would, especially when they rekindle their passion for one another for that fleeting moment. Having been a very simple date, we decided to keep going with the theme and went to a beer and wine specialty bar. As usual, time elapsed and we continued enjoying each other’s time and conversation. However as my previous experience (and slight jadedness has taught me), sometimes if things are too good to be true…Then it is. I’m already 2/2 and as we kept talking, I was looking for the x variable, the thing that’ll throw a wrench in this whole experience. I know I shouldn’t be thinking like that but I knew at some point it will come up. She then mentioned, the x variable, “I hadn’t been in a relationship in a long while and I don’t know if I’ll ever settle…”

You see, she had everything else covered. Stable career, active, reasonably attractive, and etc. However when people start sharing they don’t know if they will ever settle. There’s this restlessness that settles in (at least it did for me), it’s very intuitive and a huge red flag for me. Psychic abilities aside, I don’t know if I’m willing to risk that, however there results were laid out to bare our final date…

***

Date #13: Luck

***

A week has gone by since the last date, and the dreaded text finally came on a busy Thursday morning at work

***

Her: Hey

Me: What’s up?

Her: Can we meet up and talk later tonight?

Me: Sure…

***

When we met up with one another, the hug (was half assed, butt sticking out using one arm) and the body language became distant. I knew right at that moment, regardless of what plans we “initially discussed” via text wasn’t going to come to fruition. She told me up front,  she wasn’t feeling “the chemistry.” My luck had ran out and this person wasn’t the one for me. At the time I felt completely rejected like any other human being, but if it wasn’t already noticeable I had learn to adapt (and dispose) whatever connection I had with this person like a useless folder of pictures of your exes. Dragging them into the Recycle Bin on a PC, with intent of permanent deletion and memory lapse.

You see, in the human language of the words “Dating chemistry,” its a culmination of emotional, physical, sexual, and spiritual attraction all wrapped up into one. If your partner (man or woman) cannot see themselves, at some point doing anything of those things (for a long period of time) it’s a wrap for that possibility. At times it feels like a “cop out response” easy to serve without remorse. More often than not, it’s the woman who will determine the chemistry barometer. As a guy (or the pursuer if you’re LGBT), your sole task is to uncover the catalyst of that chemistry and decide for yourself if it’s worth maintaining in the long-run.

Throughout this series, after reflection I realized there was a lot of confirmation on my end both in long-term core values and daily relationship nuances. For the first time in a long-term, before getting into my current relationship. I have some lessons, I would like to share from this experience. Hopefully you can learn from example (instead of experiencing them like I did), in order to find more fulfilling relationships.

  1. Appreciate Someone’s Identity: Don’t think of them as another “name” in your cell phone.
  2. Good on paper, doesn’t mean good for compatibility: We all have “ideal mates” but realize they’re not perfect but always a work in progress.
  3. Shoot for the moon but have a parachute in handy: You can climb the highest mountains but if they’re not willing to summit with you, re-evaluate.
  4. Everyone is searching for love: It can get complicated but the more honest you are with your search the easier it is to find someone more compatible.
  5. A kiss isn’t always meaningful: Some people hand them out like business cards but your individual actions beyond the kiss mean much more in the long-run.
  6. Substance Influence Dating isn’t recommended: You can argue for it’s shortcomings (or miraculous opportunities) but in the long-term it doesn’t really pan out for most.
  7. Never double-book yourself: It’s not sustainable and you won’t value the people you spend your time with (personal and platonic).
  8. Don’t over communicate before your first date: Whether it’s sending 200 messages on a dating app or talking 2 hours a day for two weeks. It’s setting the wrong expectations.
  9. Always work towards the middle ground: People will take advantage (or remain oblivious) of how unfair it feels at any moment when things are imbalanced. You and your potential partner need to always vocalize, reflect, and respect each other’s differences. The sum of your experiences are entirely different from their own. Learn how to leverage and intertwine this knowledge for a better foundation.
  10. Realize all the wrong relationships were meant for “The Right One”: We can debate till the end of time people’s definitions of soulmates: Astrological, Atheistic, Christian, and etc. At the end of the day, when you (and hopefully your partner) realize how much the other brings to the table. You’ll soon see that is the reason why they remain (and continue to flourish) in your life.

… I am grateful to be developing a wonderful relationship with a very sweet (and independent) lady. However this is just the beginning and now I begin to shuffle things around in preparation for things to come.

Thanks for reading this series and hope you continue to in the next chapter of my relationship life!