Another Session Of The TRP Love Advice Column – S3E57

Another Session Of The TRP Love Advice Column

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TRP listener and friend, “Ross,” contacted the TRP a few weeks ago. Ross needed love advice regarding someone he loves and could see himself spending the rest of his life with. His issues are topics that the TRP have discussed before, but in real life issues tend be multilayered. The TRP doctors attempt to provide love advice issue by issue.

Another Session Of The TRP Love Advice Column Outline

In Ross’s words …

I’m in love with a girl. We have been in a long-distance relationship for a year now; “Rachel” lives in West Virginia and I reside in California. I met her at my cousin’s wedding; her best friend married my cousin. We fell hard for each at their wedding and our relationship blossomed soon after that. We traveled to be with each other as much as we could from that point on.

However, the long-distance was taking a toll on our relationship. We had discussions regarding moving to be with each other, but it does not seem right for us right now. Rachel does not want to leave her family in West Virginia; though she does not rule out doing so in the future. It would be difficult for me to leave California because I have a home here and also my dog. This really bummed me out because I was confident we would be married within a year’s time if one of us did move.

Sometime in February, I freaked out. We ended up mutually agreeing to breaking up. I felt like I was being impulsive and did not completely think it through. At the time, I thought we should break up because one of us will eventually get hurt as the long-distance takes its toll.

A month later, I still feel Rachel is the greatest woman I’ve come across. I consider myself to be a macho man and don’t express my feelings very well. I reached out recently to express myself because I do not want to give up on what we have. It takes two people to work it out. Rachel told me she is in pain about how things were and are now. Am I being dumb? I feel in my heart this is The One and I’m afraid of being 80 years old on my deathbed regretting just saying bye.

Is it illogical or stupid to carry on then, without a plan at the moment? Love is love, and sometimes it punches you in the gut. It’s been a wild ride and my therapist asked me if I regret it. I’m willing to continue the long-distance relationship even though I know it will be tough. I’ll have to see what she says.

If you want to be a guest on TheRelationshiPodcast please send us an e-mail.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

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This is the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”

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What Piece of Advice Would TheRelationshiPodcast Offer? – S3E55

What Piece of Advice Would TheRelationshiPodcast Offer?

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In this episode, TheRelationshiPodcast gives advice to people that write in. The big disclaimer is that they did not write in to us. Yes, we will be giving our 2-cents on all your love problems whether you like it or not. Doctor Ryan, Drey, and John are in the building.

What Piece of Advice Would TheRelationshiPodcast Offer? Outline

  • He Turned Into A Pen Pal
      • Summary: Hot intense relationship slowly fizzles.
      • Question: Where does this go from here?
      • Submitted by: Pen pals
  • One Thing Led To Another …
      • Summary: First sexual experience with a friend.
      • Question: Did I ruin a good friendship by sleeping with him?
      • Submitted by: Poked The Bear
  • I Don’t Wish Them The Best
      • Summary: Did so much for him and he leaves me.
      • Question: Is it bad of me to be extremely bitter about this breakup?
      • Submitted by: Bitter
  • I Kissed My Friend’s Boyfriend
      • Summary: I kissed my friends boyfriend.
      • Question: What do I do now?
      • Submitted by: Idiotic Girl
  • Resource Reads:

If you want to be a guest on TheRelationshiPodcast please send us an e-mail.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

FacebookTRP Patreon

This is the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”

Shuffle Around Life: Chapter 6 (Q, 7, 7), The Real TRP Single Life Ending and Transitional Period

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello TRP crew, it’s been a hot minute. Since the past couple of podcast episodes, I’ve been alluding to this idea of being happy with someone new. In the original series, I thought the person I met earlier, would be the one I would build a relationship with. Sadly, it was a false positive and like most video games they usually have a bad ending and a “true ending.” I’m now presenting you the events leading to the true ending of the Single Life (and I guess the revised expanded version of the Shuffle Around Life)…

*September 2018*

I wrote what would’ve been the final chapter of the TRP Single Life. Started dating someone, I thought I could build a relationship with. We did the usual stuff like any couple, discuss work, had dinner dates, and contemplated about the future. There were moments where all this stuff, felt very comfortable. On autumn afternoon after a particular festival we parted ways. I felt a bit weird about this recent meetup, maybe it was the “dating spider sense” people usually have before the inevitable break up occurs.

One day of not talking turned into two, then a week, and eventually almost two months. I was ghosted on, confused, and literally didn’t know what to say or feel. I shouldn’t be surprised, many of the previous dates left with a similar impression. The outcome of the relationship and the impact it had on my thinking lingered for a bit. I thought to myself. “How was this any different?” It gave me a lot to think about and my professional life also started competing in my daily priorities….

*October 2018/November 2018*

Between Halloween to the First of November was a strange time. I knew I was back in the market (single once more) we had done a few more episodes, one on Indecisiveness and the other on the 5 Love Languages. While finishing production on these episodes, it got me thinking of the elements in this last one that was full of nonsense. Out of nowhere a phone call rung frantically one evening, I didn’t recognize the number and let it go to voicemail. It was her “The Fake Ending aka The Ghoster” she nonchalantly reintroduced herself and began going on a diatribe about how she thought about this and that, because of some “false positive” test results she got due to her work environment issues and more. I refused to entertain it, I merely responded, “You didn’t give me the time of day and I’m over it.” I blocked her number, deleted all of the pictures and moved on with my life.

For the first time, in a while I was ready to give up the search completely. I looked over contingency plans, in the event certain milestone events didn’t happen in my life. It was time to go to Plan C and so it began, in the meantime during my professional life, everything was busier than ever…

*November 2018-December 2018*

My birthday occurred, had a nice little getaway to the East Coast, hung out with friends and worked through the holidays. It was at this moment, I began to let go of any expectation settling down. There were more important things to worry about and the next several months were a good indicator of that. After Christmas and well into the New Year one of the things, I began to think more about was my immediate future. Whether or not living in my current place was the way to go or I needed to move elsewhere. Either way these weren’t easy decisions and the next chapter of my life proved to be the most difficult (and ambiguous one) to live up after just yet…

*January 2019*

Literally four months after, I decided to slowly ease my way back into the dating world once more, going through the motions. At this point when you reach your 30s, dating priorities shift for many people. You’re over the whole idea of chasing the ideal mate, you have a bit more practicality. As a guy, you’re literally at in the range of folks who are starting to realize who they are personally and professionally. Mid 20s-Mid 30s, people are also looking to settle down and not try to bog down with the whole mentality of “playing games.” Everyone is a bit more aggressive in their dating search (especially those who desire kids), this isn’t something to be taken lightly because of the biological factors that come into play. More people also start giving less fucks, because you’re too tired to please everyone and you want to be content for yourself (and those supportive around you). I was content and I had a somewhat steady life, that is until one fateful night. It started out like any other night, got home from work, was watching Youtube and then a possibility to meet someone new. Sure enough, one hour got into two and the rest of the evening flew by….

When date #2 came around, things were a bit more different. The stakes felt higher and the emotions ran deep (no this isn’t a euphemism for sex John in case you’re reading) and slowly I realize this is what it feels like to truly find someone you’re compatible with. At the moment, I didn’t know what else to expect but to go with the flow in the chain of events and afterwards…

*Fast Forward to Present Day*

We’re both pretty happy with one another, we’ve discussed a lot in the short amount of time and have taken strides to getting to know each other on a deeper and more emotional level as each day passes. It still feels pretty surreal looking back after everything. This is only the beginning and within the past four months so much has shifted. She’s been quite the supportive lady and has helped me built a new definition of what an adult foundation would look like. We have many more days/weeks/years, to learn about one another but if there’s one thing I’m grateful for, it’s this second opportunity to make things work. Thank you sweetie for everything that you do and I looking forward to learning and growing with you, each and every step of the way.

-R.M.

 

Why Relationships Are Difficult Explained by Stan Tatkin – S3E48

Why Relationships Are Difficult Explained by Stan Tatkin

 

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The nerd in Drey has him turning to science for episode 48. Stan Tatkin is a Doctor of Psychology and Marriage and runs his own Family Therapist clinical practice in Calabasas. 2 years ago, he explained why relationships are difficult on TEDxTalk. The theory is that we have 2 different levels of cognitive decision making, which are ambassadors and primitives. Ambassadors are the logic, reason, high level organization part of the brain. Primitives are simple decisions that we can make on autopilot. For example, knee jerk reactions and/or fight or flight kind of decisions are primitives. As we gain knowledge through our lives, the things we learned are move from ambassador to primitive. We do the same thing when we fall in love. Once the honeymoon phase is over, anything that deviation from our understanding is viewed as a threat by our primitives. That is how fights begin.

Why Relationships Are Difficult Explained by Stan Tatkin Outline

  • What are you first reactions to this theory?
  • Reflecting on your past relationships with this idea in mind, can you think of any situations where you felt this happen?
  • Have you ever gotten into a fight with the person that you are dating and do not know how the fight got blown out of proportion?
    • Dr. Tatkin believes that primitives and ambassadors work concurrently to fight. Primitives begin their fighting stance. Ambassadors are then pushed into decision making too quickly without all the rational information to make an informed decision. What are your thoughts on this?
  • Our primitive mind is simplistic and categorizes things as benign or a threat. If it is benign, we just keep moving along because there are no danger signs. However, if it is a threat, the body and mind want to react. This is why Tatkin says, “Human relationships can survive fights. Human relationships cannot survive the loss of safety and security.” Do you believe this is true?
  • How do you prefer to have an argument with your partner? By text, video chat, phone, or face to face?
    • Stan says the best way to fight is face to face. The reason for this is because eye contact helps to regulate and diffuse neurological synapses–it calms each other down. Your visual indicators, eyes, help your mind determine whether the person is actually a threat or giving you a false positive. Do you feel like arguments work out better when you are face to face versus the other methods?
  • Resource Reads:

If you want to be a guest on TheRelationshiPodcast please send us an e-mail.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

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This is the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”

Holiday Breakup: Is This The Best Time For Couples To Breakup? – S2E43

Is The Holidays The Best Time For Couples To Break Up?

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The holiday season is among us! Thanksgiving has just passed and Christmas, X-mas, Kwanzaa, and New Years is just around the corner. It’s that time of year to be thankful for all your blessings and maybe dump your partner. Like Ariana Grande says, “Thank you, next.” According Hephzibah Asaolu, Coffee Meets Bagel guest blogger, it was determined that 2 weeks before Christmas and Christmas Day are 2 of the 7 most popular times that relationships end (7 Popular Times of the Year Relationships Break Up). So let’s talk about holiday breakups during this awesome time of year.

Holiday Breakup: Is This The Best Time For Couples To Breakup? Outline

If you want to be a guest on TheRelationshiPodcast please send us an e-mail.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

Facebook      TRP Patreon

This the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”

What Brought You To The Point Of No Return (PONR)? – S2E24

What Brought You To The Point Of No Return (PONR)? - S2E24

 

 

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This episode is sponsored by:

Ryan had to come up with a new episode in an hour and this is what he came up with. We already talked about break-ups and giving second chances. However we have never explored the topic of the Point of No Return (PONR, apex of a relationship), which was mentioned in our Five Stages of a Relationship episode. The Point of No Return is basically the stage where you are ready to walk away from the relationship for good.

What Brought You To The Point Of No Return (PONR)? Outline

If you want to be a guest on TheRelationshiPodcast please send us an e-mail.

You should binge on previous episodes of TheRelationshiPodcast. Start from Season 1 (Episode 1). LISTEN NOW.

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This the NON-SALTY Disclaimer: ‘We at The Relationship Podcast do not discriminate based on race, sex, sexual orientation, income level, political affiliate, religion, or creed. These opinions are solely based on our own unique experiences; our opinions are not the rule. We are always open to EVERYONE’S personal life experiences and opinions. At the end of the day, we can always agree to disagree. Please enjoy the podcast.”