TRP listener and friend, “Ross,” contacted the TRP a few weeks ago. Ross needed love advice regarding someone he loves and could see himself spending the rest of his life with. His issues are topics that the TRP have discussed before, but in real life issues tend be multilayered. The TRP doctors attempt to provide love advice issue by issue.
Another Session Of The TRP Love Advice Column Outline
In Ross’s words …
I’m in love with a girl. We have been in a long-distance relationship for a year now; “Rachel” lives in West Virginia and I reside in California. I met her at my cousin’s wedding; her best friend married my cousin. We fell hard for each at their wedding and our relationship blossomed soon after that. We traveled to be with each other as much as we could from that point on.
However, the long-distance was taking a toll on our relationship. We had discussions regarding moving to be with each other, but it does not seem right for us right now. Rachel does not want to leave her family in West Virginia; though she does not rule out doing so in the future. It would be difficult for me to leave California because I have a home here and also my dog. This really bummed me out because I was confident we would be married within a year’s time if one of us did move.
Sometime in February, I freaked out. We ended up mutually agreeing to breaking up. I felt like I was being impulsive and did not completely think it through. At the time, I thought we should break up because one of us will eventually get hurt as the long-distance takes its toll.
A month later, I still feel Rachel is the greatest woman I’ve come across. I consider myself to be a macho man and don’t express my feelings very well. I reached out recently to express myself because I do not want to give up on what we have. It takes two people to work it out. Rachel told me she is in pain about how things were and are now. Am I being dumb? I feel in my heart this is The One and I’m afraid of being 80 years old on my deathbed regretting just saying bye.
Is it illogical or stupid to carry on then, without a plan at the moment? Love is love, and sometimes it punches you in the gut. It’s been a wild ride and my therapist asked me if I regret it. I’m willing to continue the long-distance relationship even though I know it will be tough. I’ll have to see what she says.
- Discussion Questions:
- Any first reactions/knee jerks/red flags to anything he said?
- Long distance relationships are often seen as temporary: military service, higher education, work related.
- How would you deal with a more permanent long-distance relationship?
- Have you ever experienced the feeling of “the one that got away?”
- How did you deal with it?
- What would you do in his situation?
- What would be your actual advice to him (if it differs from what you would end up doing)?
- Resource Reads:
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