Shuffle Around Life: Chapter 3 (7, 6, 5), Dating App Tips Series: OkCupid and More

Here’s my explanation for this long-overdue Chapter, I wanted to create a bit more coherence between posts (beyond Cartomancy and the general theme of top, middle, and bottom) and introduce a small mini series called Dating App Tips The RelationshiPodcast Series (or DAT TRP)

This series is a build up to the Dating Project I mentioned a few episodes back and I’ll start with a semi-popular and somewhat relevant app of today, OkCupid. There are many reviews of this app, you can read Mashable’s, Ask Men’s, or Dating Scout’s version. However my review is different because I will share with you the few tips you need to have the most optimal experience. One other thing to keep in mind, this is coming from a heterosexual minority (Asian-American) male so your experience and mileage may vary.

Let’s get started!

Unlike Tinder and Bumble what sets this specific app apart is the long form survey questionnaires. People get real lazy and from my experience if a woman really appreciates your “aesthetic” chances are she didn’t read your profile for jack shit. So you’re probably gonna ask, “How can I get my own bae?” Welp, here are some best practices and specific questions to look out for:

  1. Be yourself (write your profile as if you had a girlfriend/wife).
    1. I know this shit sounds weird but when I first created my profile a long time ago, I thought about it like a “Marketer/Youtube Clickbait writer.” Trust me it works, the more genuine your tone and candor you provide. Your personality shines bright like a diamond and the chances you’ll be matched with someone will increase (even if you feel like your ugly as sin itself).
  2. Watch out for specific questions that could indicate incompatibility based on your lifestyle and core values
    1. Ethnic/Race preference Question: Probably the biggest indicator (if your ideal mate) likes to stick with their own kind. Even OkCupid Christian Rudder reference’s in his book Cataclysm, that this question is supposed to indicate some sliding scale of Racial preferences. A 95% of the woman I swiped on thankfully answered in this manner:
      1. Would you Strongly prefer to date someone of your own skin color/racial background?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: No
          1. There are a few profiles I encountered that say “Yes” and majority of those were Caucasian and Asian women (no big surprises there given our previous podcast episodes and historical data).
      2. Would you ever consider ending a relationship because a parent, family, member or close friend didn’t approve of your partner in terms of attractiveness, race, nationality, gender, age, or other factors beyond their control?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: No
      3. If you were going to have a child would you want the other parent to be of the same ethnicity as you?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: No
          1. Fun fact, if she says “Yes” and you’re not her ethnicity, well I feel bad for you son because…. 99 problems but a kid ain’t one. *Jay-Z voice*
    2. Money Question(s): Again, another dead giveaway. People usually don’t put in the work to answer these for yourself but you should (and for good reason). If you don’t want a “Gold Digger” than anything that shows she values money potential you might, have a large incompatibility issue in the long run. Furthermore, I would stress that a whopping 98% of the profiles I’ve encountered answered these questions in the same way regardless of ethnicity, that I swiped on (shocking I know) and here are the two questions and their affiliated responses:
      1. Is your ideal match well-off financially or at the very least someone who has high income potential?
        1. You Answer: Whatever
        2. She Answers: Yes it’s somewhat important
          1. If she answers “Yes it’s very important,” now I ain’t saying she a gold digger but..
      2. How important is money/wealth for you in a match?
        1. You Answer: Whatever
        2. She Answers: Yes, it’s somewhat important.
          1. …she ain’t a messing…
      3. Would you date someone who was in considerable debt?
        1. You Answer: Whatever
        2. She Answers: No
          1. …With a (Broke/Student Loan heavy/no new BMW type) ninja. However if she ever says, “Yes, its not a problem for me.” that’s wifey material right there (hard to come by).
      4. How would you feel if your significant other made more money than you?
        1. You Answer: Whatever
        2. She Answers: Very Comfortable
          1. Fun fact on this one, I NEVER see any ladies say “Very Uncomfortable.” Given the whole movement in 2018 for dating equality, there are some things that will stay the same till the end of time.
      5. Do you believe money can buy happiness?
        1. You Answer: Whatever
        2. She Answers: Yes
          1. If she answers yes (in addition to the above questions), then I hope your pockets are deeper than the Mariana trenches, cause that child/lifestyle support money is serious in 2018
    3. Hygiene (Biological/Lifestyle) Question(s): You’re probably thinking, damn Ryan I can’t pick up a woman if I don’t wash my balls religiously or brush my teeth twice a day. You can thank your stars Jimmy, this isn’t that much of a deal breaker. Granted I can make the case, that most people have some standard of basic hygiene and the arguments for lack of hygiene is purely for lifestyle optimization (not washing their hair everyday, is a ‘dirtbag’ (rock climber), or HLA (Human Leikocyte Antigens) incompatibility). In my sample size, 60% of the women I swiped on answered the question and provided these responses:
      1. How important is it to you that your partner smell good?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: Important-ish or Less important than you think
          1. If she says “I just don’t care at all” may your crusty balls be forever cherished.
    4. Lifestyle: This isn’t lumped with hygiene because you can avoid the restroom for a few weeks and still be a rational (and somewhat ethnical) human being. However do note, depending on what you’re personally gunning for you may want to focus on certain questions and de-prioritize the rest. Here are the questions and their respective responses, keep in mind 70% of the women, I swiped on answered in this manner:
      1. Would you date someone who still lives with their parents?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: No
          1. Another fun tidbit, if she says “Yes” and you’re living in a very expensive part of the country *COUGH* San Francisco Bay Area/Manhattan/Hollywood*. Good luck, trying to convince her otherwise.
      2. Would you consider having an open relationship (i.e., one where you can see other people)?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: No
          1. One of the things I learned from past dates is if she says “Yes,” then you shouldn’t hold your breathe on commitment quality, just saying (and this is beyond the “Dating Phase.”) as well.
      3. It’s your first date. Do you split the bill, pay the whole bill, have them pay the whole bill?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: Split the bill or It doesn’t matter to me.
          1. If she answers “Have them pay the whole bill.” then you know what to do chief.
      4. Would you consider sleeping on a first date?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: No
          1. If she says yes and she’s also down to hook-up, then make sure to stay equipped.
      5. About how long do you want your next relationship to last?
        1. You answer: Whatever
        2. She answers: Several years or The rest of my life
          1. I never seen the answer “One night” usually few months to a year is common.
      6. Has anyone ever accused you of being “high maintenance”?
        1. You answer: Whatver
        2. She answers: No
          1. If she answers “Yes” in addition to the financial questions again don’t be surprised…
  3. Read their profile and find common ground between you two
    1. No surprises there but there’s some amount of work you need to put in.

Other questions to look out for and determine good compatibility not just for dates but long-term relationship potential are:

  • How many children would you ideally like to have?
  • Is it ok for a woman to ask a man out on a date?
  • Would you consider being in a relationship with someone who has had homosexual sex?
  • Does hanging out in an empty field, in the middle of no where, at 2am to watch a meteor shower sound like fun to you
  • Are you still in love with one or more of your former partners?
  • Which of the following do you find to be the most liberating?
  • How many countries have you visited?
  • Have you stayed friends with most of your ex-boyfriends/ex-girlfriends?
  • Do you have an ex that you would really like to date again?
  • Are you flaky (i.e. cancel plans at the last minute)?
  • Can you cook?
  • Do you believe regular sex is necessary in maintaining a healthy relationship?
  • Do you ever ghost someone (cut off contact without warning) after meeting in person?

These questions are a supplemental litmus to determine how adventurous, reliable, and/or “not ready for a relationship material these prospects” are. You can observe on the one’s I highlighted here to determine, the ideal people I’d like to build a relationship. However if you really want to take the bare bones optimal approach use the questions I bolded as strong indicators of overall compatibility, that might help you in your search. Hope this helps and look out for an upcoming Podcast Episode on Double Standards and the next app I’ll review in the DAT TRP series.

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