Date #10: Lots of Messages= My Sassy and Straightshooter of a Date

Author’s Note: Sorry for the Long Delay given work and life but now, we’re back on the momentum and grind…


Lots of Messages, from our emails, to our dating inboxes we’re ridden with all kinds of stuff. This date was no different and like things it started on a good foot and eventually let to nothingness. In the beginning, like any other first dating app impression of one another, we slowly sized each other up.

She shared a bit of her current background and aspirations of the future, as I did with mine. However as time went on, I noticed our exchange became quite enormous. What started as a few messages, led to 50, then a 100, and afterwards it became such an egregious number to where I literally said, “Why don’t we just talk on the phone/facetime given all of exchanges?…”It’ll be quicker and there’s less typing involved.”

For many people, who know me IRL and heard me referenced this Ad-Nauseum before within our podcast episodes. I’m not a big texter by any means, I get that it’s the preferred mode of communication but I have serious hang up about it.

*Author’s side Rant Starts*

For one, unless you meet through a dating app you typically don’t really know the person until you’re in proximity (face to face). Second, a lot of times because text messaging is similar to email you can get really distracted easily (another “date potential,” other friends, family, etc.) Finally, we’re not robots (at least I’d hope, I didn’t date any in disguise yet?) and if you don’t want me to communicate with you via text as we sit/stand next to one another, then please let’s be humans and actually verbally converse. I had dated someone who gave their two cents on the issue, “A Phone Call in my generational cohort, is like getting a direct request from the Principal’s Office, as if you were going to get Expelled.” Are you fucking kidding me? This dramatic exaggeration is a major turn-off which is why I try my best to proactively filter those who are in love with this form of communication. The only thing useful with this modern medium is to slide into those DMs before you slide into one’s underwear.

*Author’s side Rant Ends*

Once our phone conversation began, they went even longer, she was definitely a ‘chatty cathy’ but I appreciate that because then I don’t have to talk as much as one would expect. After several days, we finally met up at a wine bar after work downtown. It was extremely filled to the brim on a Thursday evening, I didn’t imagine it would be this packed but then again this is San Francisco after all. She looked pretty cute in her mint green dress and heels. I wore a simple business casual outfit with some oxfords to at least put forth some type of effort. She constantly reminded me of her “Boughetto” (Bougie and Ghetto, for the uninformed) behavior and yet when we had a flight of wine, she wasn’t too familiar with the process.

I then, explained to her the process and she was baffled because she didn’t expect someone like me to have such  a refined palate. Looks are deceiving and this isn’t the first time it has happened, I guess when you look (and feel) a bit rugged you don’t give off the clean cut demeanor to certain folks. Anyway, we ended up walking around town until she wanted pizza from a certain area. I told her gently, I wasn’t really feeling but she insisted I got a bad batch. After getting the pizza (and trying it for a second time), I still wasn’t impressed and she was disappointed. During this time, I already had slight inclination (two hours into the date) it wasn’t going to work out.

You see comfort with physical touch is critical for a guy. I don’t care what anyone says about their preference, but if someone is not willing to be close whether it’s holding hands, hugging, or even hinting at a kiss. There’s no future for the both of you, just drop it. It’s a simple litmus test really and as a guy you don’t have to be “aggressive” to find out, even the distance between you two as you walk should let you know what’s up. In my case, by the time we were lounging around the bookstore, I knew it was time for the fairy tale to end. I did the gentlemanly thing and waited for her Uber to pick her up before leaving (I asked her texted me to let me know she got home alright at least). After giving her a hug and seeing the Uber drive off, I realized you don’t need to talk to someone for four weeks to find out your incompatible.

As I got home, she texted (instead of called) to inform me she got home. She then mentioned, what I expected and wanted to stay friends but I refused. The reason is, even though I wanted to, for some people like myself it’s weird meeting someone, knowing you were involved with them at some point and acknowledging they’re being intimate with someone other than you. I can commend the people who can stay friends with their exes/ex-dates after a fall out, but let’s face it a lot of the times, it’s a fall back option. It’s something I also used to do, till I realized one day it wouldn’t be fair for the next person.

So long many message lady, you probably found someone who can appreciate your “Boughetto” habits. The search continues…


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