Her: “So, what is a triple threat?”
Me: “It’s when you’re good at three different things?”
Her: “I won’t give you my number, but I’ll give you my address to pick me up?”
Me: “Uhh ok????? *confused by logic*”
I know so you’re probably wondering, how in the hell did this happen?
Let me start off first by saying woman #2 mentioned in quotes, was supposed to be a delayed date for the following week but insisted I meet her the same saturday as woman #1 except in the evening… I’ll get in to that. Let’s start off with the first woman…
I met her on a different dating app and so far, like all first impressions I thought she was pretty cute. Slim, long hair, dark brown eyes, rosy cheeks, the whole nine. I figured why not, give it a shot, after a few messages here and there I noticed she wasn’t from around here. So we planned for a hiking ‘date’ the only reason why I started putting ‘date’ in subtle quotes are because at this point of time, the way ‘dates’ were discussed or planned became very ambiguous. I would say a date to the people I corresponded with, they would say ‘hang out.’ Someone else doesn’t say date, they just say ‘let’s meet and see what happens?’
It was at this junction that I began to believe, are first dates really a thing of the past? (hint: this may be a future episode or article). Anyway, I didn’t let the semantics get the best of me, so I planned on picking her up from one of the station and then we would carpool to our hiking destination. As soon as I drove up the curb, “I saw her except, she looked slightly different from the filters.” (not catfishes but definitely not as rosy). So we talked about our mornings and finally got to the trailhead. It was a mainstream spot, where the ocean met the sky. As we were talking, there was a crossroads and I asked her if she would be up for the challenge. I even warned her, it may be difficult to getting down, she didn’t mind.
As we went began our ascent, I noticed that she kept going behind me despite the trail and coastline being wider than five linebackers. It felt kinda weird and I even told her to go on the side, so I can talk to her and not feel like we’re scanning the Amazonian jungle and covering my flanks. We reached the fake summit and she then responded, it’s getting pretty tough. I told her we can back out, but she insisted and so up we went up the tiny dried up waterfall trail. As we climbed, I noticed she began to slip and I tried giving her some advice (not to ‘mansplain’ but because I had experience leading hikes; if a woman gave me advice and I was inexperienced I would’ve listened). She didn’t listen and her stubbornness began to show, it was admirable but became mildly annoying whenever she screamed and asked why she kept slipping. We finally managed to climb to the top to see the nice view with a bench peeking out. “I would’ve preferred doing this on my own,” as I thought to myself. No matter, I was already in the moment and there was no escaping the present reality.
At this time of the date, I knew it wasn’t going to work out but I kept going because I didn’t wanna waste my time and feel like I did all of this for nothing. So I did my best to keep the conversation going while we went downhill. Now this is the frustrating part, I constantly reminded her to not rush and just take it slow as we treaded downhill. Did she listen? Nope, she just said kept doing her thing and she almost rolled down the hill like a rogue boulder off the cliff. After another 40 minutes passing we finished our hike and got some food before I dropped her off at the station. I had to take this a hard pass on this one and move onward…
The second woman, I only spoke with for several days and a lot of the times I like to space things out to avoid any schedule conflicts (like this one that occurred). She insisted on meeting up later on this evening (mind you, I just came back from my mid-afternoon date). So I was mulling it over and I said to myself, “Screw it, what’s the worst that can happen, right?” Spoke too soon, spoke too soon… After exchanging text for the next 40 minutes, I asked her, let’s just exchange numbers maybe FaceTime and see what happens? She then replied, ” I won’t give you my number, but I’ll give you my address to pick me up for a face to face date?”
Huh??? What is this logic??!?!?!? I would honestly think giving a number is much safer than giving home address? Uhh, I thought again for a second time, thinking to myself. “Nah, she can’t be this dense… right?” Wrong again…. oh so very wrong. At this point, as a single guy on a saturday night, if you’re left with Netflix, swiping more potential dates, or drinking yourself to sleep. This attempt of entertaining myself, is probably the best decision I could ever make. I take a shower, hop into my car and pick her up at her place later that evening. So, I’m waiting there and I’m literally the only car with blinking emergency lights on, she then messages me via dating app and says, “Where are you?” I replied, “I’m the only car on the block with blinking lights.” She says she doesn’t see me (seriously, is this going to be an episode of catfish?) I said, “Unless you’re pranking me, I’m at the front of your place.”
She finally comes out and as she entered the car, I remember the power of “MySpace angles.” She looked alright but definitely not the same perspective. Anyway, we got some food and as entered we did the usual “back and form interview routine.” As this point of the story you can probably already tell this wasn’t going anywhere. I’m trying to constantly improvise my own ‘dating algorithm’ and automating it with my canned responses. This was the beginning of the decline, all the “moments” began to fade away like defragging a computer hard drive. I realized, as we grow older many of us use “self love” as an excuse to be obsessively selfish and guarded. The one thing, I have to ask is, “Where does one draw this line?”
We like to bring ourselves up to the highest peak imagineable and unless someone passes our “relationship barometer” we won’t even bother giving them a ladder (or ledge) to hoist themselves if they’re struggling to reach the summit (fall off bitches!). I hear this all the time, through dates/co-workers/people on the street about the struggle of finding good “dates/partners/relationships/etc.” Feminine women do not have this burden as a relationship decision maker (straight or LGBT). The obvious answer is to look at yourself and improve in the areas of weakness (especially if you’re a guy), especially if you suck at life. An alternative would be is to embrace singledom for the rest of your life because nobody else can do it better than yourself. In the meantime, I’ll keep dating (and entertaining) you all until I finally get sick of it.